How to handle ds smoking weed

[Menopausecrazy]

Ds is 16 and just finished his GCSE’s. I’ve suspected that a few times he has come home and is stoned but he has denied it. I’ve talked to him at length about how it can affect mental health and dull your brain. Also told him i’m really disappointed. Now that he has started the summer holidays he seems to be smoking it more. Not in my house but when he returns from his girlfriend. He has a part time job so he doesn’t need money from me. I’m so concerned that he is forming a habit. He already vapes which I thought was bad enough.Last night he admitted that he will smoke it once a week. Any advice on how I can get through to him please? I’m so worried but not sure how I can get through to him.

It’s a tricky one because he’s that in between age, to be honest I think you’ve done all you can for now, he’s admitted it to you and said he will only do it once a week. Hopefully it’s just a phase he’s going through and will stop soon.

Not much helpful to say- but my ds went through a stage of drinking too much at this age-and I would much rather he had smoked weed. He is 21 now and does neither. It's such a worrying age..

He may lose his job if they smell it on him

That might do the trick

I thought you had to be 18 to buy vapes?

Why are you letting a child smoke vapes and weed illegally?

if it’s only once a week with his mates then I would t be too concerned tbh. It’s probably less of a concern than getting pissed every weekend.

you’ve probably done all you can really for the time being and you’re not facilitating it by giving him money. So many kids smoke it recreationally at his ages and for the vast majority it doesn’t negatively impact their lives. I’m sure he’ll grow out of it.

I’m not letting him do either but not sure how to stop him. Please do tell me how you would stop either. I’m genuinely feeling helpless. At 16 I can’t stop him going out especially when I’m at work….

Could you share your insight into exactly how the OP should stop him?

Search his room and remove vapes etc.

If he's smoking at his girlfriend's, ban him from going anywhere but work and home.

Sanction him for breaking the rules.

Have you never disciplined your child before? He is under 18.

My son started smoking it at Uni, so around 10 years ago aged 18/19.

We've always thought ordinary cannabis, not the synthetic stuff, to be in the same league as drink as a health hazard and it's just something he does. In his case he says, and as fellow sufferers DP and I sympathise, that it helps medicate his anxiety/depression.

He lives away, has a partner, a decent job in the Civil Service and is home owner. He had a scare previously about 'drugged in charge' after being caught smoking a reefer in his ca to shelter from weather, engine was off etc, He spent a night in the cells and was cautioned for possession but the DiC charge wasn't pursued.

TBH, even if he'd started at 16 and living at home I don't see how we could have stopped him.

Other than giving appropriate advice then once they're 15+ then, short of putting them on the street, there's not much you can do.

What sanctions do you suggest @SisterDonnarix ?

I don't know how to stop him. If it was mine I'd read him the riot act and cut off his money but that's not possible when he has his own money. Both things are non negotiable here- the drugs for a personal reason which I've told him ever since he was old enough so I think he gets it (family member died from drug use). Vapes are harder to police but such a waste of money and bad for their health.

There's nothing you can do. Lecturing him won't help. Punishing him won't help.

He's a teenager and he's going to experiment with substances. He will never listen to anything you have to say on the matter, especially if you're going overboard trying to insist he's ruining his life.

It's likely doing him very little harm. He's probably giggling with his friends, having deep and meaningful conversations, and lying around eating snacks. That's why he finds your scaremongering completely illogical. TBH, the worst that can happen to him is he'll have a whitey. Which is a lesson he's better off to learn for himself.

He'll grow out of it.

Sorry to sound hopeless but I really don't think there's much you can do. It's pretty common. Me and my brothers all smoked week at that age (and did LSD) but it was just a passing phase. We thought it was cool. We all gave up after a while.
To be honest, smoking weed once a week wouldn't worry me too much. I got in to far more scrapes through binge drinking! Never got in to any trouble after smoking a joint.

Nice to see someone sharing a non scare mongering story.

I would be very grateful you have a relationship where he felt able to tell you that he smokes it at all. I would be careful to not to ruin that in your desire to stop him doing something you're scared of. Start with educating yourself so that you if you do talk to him, you're not coming from a place of hysteria or misunderstanding.

I hope you get it sorted. My DB smoked it from age 12 and now has lifelong MH issues. Parents could do nothing. Please show him this thread - he will feel invincible at his age, but it will catch up with him.

Id give him the information on what it does including the dangers or vaping.....did you see the boy who almost died on TV this morning.

What would you do then if they don't stop or say they don't care?

Or as my DS would say "that's just one boy, loads of people are fine".

Let him get on with it and keep an eye to make sure he's ok. My daughter did a research project at school on it. She doesn't smoke but there's a lot of hype and over inflated negativity towards it. There are obvious side effects but none more than alcohol and most of us abuse that more regularly.

At this age, better to build a relationship than kill it with sanctions that won't achieve anything but distance. Talk to him. Express concern due to its legal status but that you care and are there for him, if need be.

My eldest was into it, hence her sister's research, and it helped us to discuss as adults. It turned out to be a short term thing and she doesn't touch it now but we built a stronger relationship. Same with other parents I know who did the same. Those that have shouted, sanctioned etc have not had the same positive outcomes.

Might be worth trying to find out why he does it. If it's just a habit he's picked up then hopefully it passes but is there something more.

For example, if it's to relax, what is he stressed/anxious about.

If its to help him zone out, what is he thinking that he wants to turn off.

It could just be curiosity but worth a check incase there's more to it.

Yeah. She should lock her ds up and not allow him outside his bedroom. That way she'll always be able to see what he's doing and control his every move 🙄

She's not willingly allowing, in fact she's on MN asking people for advice on what she should do to stop this situation. Judgment isn't helping is it?

I don’t think sanctions are going to work, and as others have said at least he has admitted he is smoking it. I would also be really worried for many reasons, illegal, bad for his health, habit forming and if they do random drug tests at work he will lose his job. I guess he is already aware it stays in your system for a few days so if he is thinking of learning to drive at 17 that is another factor to consider. Have you talked to him about where it comes from? Whilst so many people will say “it’s just a bit of weed” I always said to
my DC that someone, somewhere is being exploited and explained the wider implications and bigger picture. Also, if I was concerned about something sometimes it was better for someone other than a parent to have a word, a relative usually. It’s a tough one.

You clearly don’t have teenagers…. No sane parent lets their teen vape and smoke weed how do you suggest she’s stops him???

I'd not be surprised if some parents are sufficiently relaxed to treat a 16yo as a young adult with cigs/vapes.

Plenty of youngsters of my generation were on the factory floor working at 16/17 and smoking in their breaks etc.

Unfortunately, unless they've seen somebody with COPD or end stage lung cancer coughing their chest out the health stuff isn't about them. Even if their Gran died of it 'she was old'. Relatives with heart disease (Mum, Dad, Uncles, Grandparents both ways etc) did nothing for my liking for dripping fried chips atc in my twenties.

I’m in a similar situation. DS is 16 and has left school and working as an apprentice. He smokes weed and vapes - I’ve tried removing vapes and have spoken to him many times about the weed - he won’t listen. It infuriates me where DH is like oh he’s 16 leave him be - all my mates used to do it etc.. he doesn’t like it but he thinks DS needs to make his own choices/mistakes. I have no control of his finances as he works but I do feel it’s getting worse. I’ve said to him about potential for drug testing at work and he’s like it’s fine. I think he has a problem though as it’s not just the weekends he does it. I tried asking him to limit to weekends and he agreed but he lied.. he knows I hate him doing it. And I know he’s done other drugs. It scares the crap out of me but I’m at a loss as to how to manage it too..

I'd love to know how people 'just stop him'...

I smoked weed at that age - not the way it seems many do though, not the 'roll out of bed, roll a joint, apathetic depressed does nothing else all day' type of weed smoker.

I smoked weed occasionally, socially. Generally small amounts then chill out chat etc, occasionally a bit of a 'get absolutely wasted and fall asleep listening to Astro Celt Sound System then wonder where a whole weekend went'.

I could (and still can) take it or leave it, if the setting was wrong, company wrong, just not in the mood (at the time of writing I have a bottle of cannabis oil that hasn't been touched in months).

That kind of casual use wouldn't concern me, it is comparable to the social drinker who occasionally gets totally smashed but can go weeks or months without touching a drop (rare tbh, most drinkers will drink much more regularly than that).

The weed smokers/takers who use on their own, use at the start of the day, use it daily - that is a massive concern and I would want to find out what sort of user he is (and is hanging around with).

Without nailing my feet to the floor and holding me hostage in the house, my parents would have had NO chance of stopping me. They tried grounding me - but as they came home from work two hours later than me at the earliest, I just invited people round, and as I provided the venue, they provided the weed so the lack of cash also achieved nothing! I didn't have stuff to take away (90s, low tech family!) so there was no scope there for punishment either.