Neighbour

[Melsy88]

My neighbour (single in 70s) is lovely but I'm feeling like she's getting too overbearing. Her house is other half of my semi detached. Some recent things:

1. She decided to prune all of my roses in front garden. Woke up to all of my beautiful roses gone and her saying they needed cutting back.
2. Every time I sit in my back garden she appears at her bedroom window for an hour long chat.
3. She calls me to ask me something then talks at me for an hour or more.
4. She let herself into my back garden (she has a key for the side gate for emergencies) because she "couldn't see" what plants I'd decided to grow in one of my borders from her window!
5. She called me when she didn't see my car one Saturday and wanted to know where i was.

Like to be pleasant with neighbours but I feel suffocated by her.
AIBU?

I'd be livid OP

Obviously YANBU. Talk to her.

(she has a key for the side gate for emergencies) what emergencies?

I'd be getting that back

Early signs of dementia.

Get the key back.

Do you know her family?

What makes you say that? I don't have much experience of people with dementia so am curious.
There have been a couple of times where she's asked me something, listened to my reply and then asked exactly the same thing a few mins later. So it's crossed my mind because of this.
But she is still working (part time), driving and very active with friends.

She cut the actual flowers off all your rose bushes? Sorry, never mind the rest that's really not normal and makes me think dementia. I know I know. But just think about it - it's one thing overstepping, pruning, but cutting the flowers off on the grounds they need cutting back is peculiar.
Has she got kids/relatives who visit, OP?

She sounds lonely - has she got family or friends who visit?

I have a neighbour like this. She's late 70s, never married or worked and has always lived in the family home. She has good points but she can be overbearing and suffocating at times. It feels like she owns the road. We put it down to boredom and having no idea what it's like to live in the real world. My DH did tell her not to climb over our back garden fence to remove some weeds as if anything happened to her we would be responsible. When she has knocked on our door on a Sunday for DH to bleed a radiator in her spare bedroom he has said not today, I will do it after work tomorrow.

That's just a couple of examples there's been lots more. She has actually told us that her sister has told her to stop bothering us as we are busy working and looking after out children. She stops for a little while but starts again. She is like this with everybody though, very demanding, likes things done a certain way and wants things done immediately.

I would take the key back from your neighbour firstly. Don't answer her calls. Put earphones in when your in the garden or immediately say you are going inside when she appears. You have to be less available to her. She has become too familiar with you.

@Melsy88

Two of my grandparents went like this.

Social boundaries and inhibitions seem to be some of the first things to go.

Maybe a quiet word with her sister? Saying that your worried about your neighbour's mental health, that you think the loneliness is getting to her?

Hopefully she keeps working for a good while- it keeps them going.

You need to stop accepting her intrusive behaviour, you need to be firm with her when she acts inappropriately. If you fail to admonish her for cutting the roses, you are giving her carte blanche to prune other shrubs. Allowing her to have your gate key obviously gives her access whenever she wants, retrieve the key. When she enters into conversation from her bedroom window, get up and return to your house. You have allowed her behaviour, if you don't like it put a stop to it.

YANBU. I so envy those people who say 'we are on nodding terms with our neighbours'. Perfect situation for most of us.

Tell her not to do any gardening work in your garden.
Wear big headphones in your garden say that you can’t talk now.
change the lock on the gate.

Do talk to her family to see if they can visit her and to check on her health.