To not want to call my family member?

[raknid]

My mum constantly puts me under pressure to call elderly family members (early 80s). I see them whenever I can, so a few times a year. I’m busy with work and life generally. But I have reasons for not wanting to call them on the phone.

Firstly, they don’t listen, so it’s really hard going to have a conversation where they interrupt.

Secondly, I’m a lesbian and they don’t know about it.

I haven’t told them because they’re very tory, hate the gays, hate anyone non white, and think they should sink migrant boats. So I find it really stressful having to hide a big part of my life from them in conversations as I date a black woman.

If it’s your grandparents maybe send them a postcard occasionally giving some bland news and enquiring after their health? Especially if you were once close.

But it’s not compulsory to stay in touch.

You don’t need to stay in touch with anyone you don’t want to, especially racist bigots.

Shut your mother down firmly.

She doesn't get to dictate your contact with people.

OP, this is about boundaries and assertiveness.

Tell your mother she is overstepping and needs to back off.

Call HER less to emphasise the point.

Your relationship with anyone is none of her business.