Can you help me with organise my nanny..

[addictedtoblub]

I've posted on here before and I'm always getting really helpful advice.

Summer holidays start soon. Usually my nanny has my 1 year old 5 days a week and my 3 year old and 1 year old together, 1 day a week.

I've noticed on the days she has both, it's all a bit tough for her. Cooking and laundry falls behind a bit. I get that it's hard and I have never complained.

I also notice there is a fair bit of TV for the 3 year old. I don't mind that much. I'm a bit concerned as the holidays are so long, how she's going to entertain both of them.

We have a big garden with swings / sand pit/ little house/ trampoline / slide. She never takes them out there. She only takes them out to the playground and for lunch. She will take them to two toddler classes a week.

What else can she do ? Or what can I encourage her to do ? It's tough because they're such different ages. I usually get older one to play play dough/ do drawing / play tea party etc. we also go out a fair bit.

What else could we be doing with two kids of these ages ? I struggle myself some days, but I'm not a child care professional.

Nanny also doesn't love taking them out together to the park as they shoot off in different directions. She usually just closes herself into the living room with them both.

Any advice welcome.

Well yes of course. It's just sometimes she's not organised herself so well and it's all a mess before the weekend etc. that's all. It's not a huge complaint and I've not said anything about it. But it would be ideal if it was done before she leaves for the weekend.

My post wasn't even about this. I was just demonstrating that she sometimes struggles and I get it. It's tough. My 1 year old does nap for two hours every day. So she does have time to have a rest and also to cook for the kids.

I get where the op is coming from. For weekly activities that sounds great. But those weekly activities are only going to take 1-2 hours each. From the sounds of things she’s doing bugger all with them really for the rest of the time. If she has them (for eg) 9 hours a day, I’d find 2 hours out at soft play or lunch but then the other 7 hours holed up in the living room watching tv unacceptable. The op doesn’t even seem to be concerned about her taking them out necessarily. She’s got a garden full of toys and the nanny never even takes them out there. There’s plenty of activities suitable for a 1&3 year old, it should be a non issue keeping them amused for the day. The ops only suggesting a bit of colouring or role play etc so the nanny’s not even doing that. The nanny sounds utterly shit imo. I wonder what she’s doing when they’re shut up in the living room for the majority of the day. It sounds like she perhaps sat on her phone more than actually interacting with the kids

She should be able to manage a 3 year old and a one year old. A lot of nannies deal with 3 kids as this is the point where the cost of having a nanny is often cheaper/ on a par with nursery fees/ wrap around etc.

Before I had my kids I was a nanny and in holidays we would follow a routine of: Outing in morning (playground, soft play, local attraction - my family were just by Kew garden so we had a pass for that, etc) then we would return home for lunch. This is when the older children got 30mins TV to rest while I made lunch, put the baby down, did some chores.
Then one baby asleep gave me time to focus on the older children - reading, helping with music practice etc.
Once the baby was awake we had a more structured afternoon of baking or craft or sensory activity and play in the playroom or garden.
Your Nanny should be utilising the garden - perfect for any sort of painting or messy play, for physical activity, water table, sand pit etc. I always had it so the children would have something they’d made to show their parents at the end of each day so they had a springboard to talk to their parents.
Then when it’s was dinner prep time I would set up free play in the playroom whilst I prepared their dinner, eat together and then home time for me.

I did plan activities on a weekly schedule as this helped me keep it varied and follow the children’s interests.

Then once a week we’d do a “big outing” such as national history museum, Postal Museum etc which was more of a day trip and involved the bus/tube which the kids loved. These sorts of places tend to give clipboards with things to find around the attractions so we always did that.

Could you suggest a structure to your nanny to get the kids out and active?

I know some people say nannies aren’t there to do chores but if you want to be paid a premium and be in demand this is what can make you stand out - I kept the children’s rooms/ clothes/ wardrobes immaculate as well as the kitchen. If dishwasher full - empty it, recycling full - took it out etc. I was always well paid and felt really appreciated. I think Nannies to do well to have a proactive attitude.

It’s the school holidays and they are meant to be fun! So I would be concerned about them spending the whole time in the living room too.

@Fiddlerdragon she's on her phone sometimes. Often texting when talking to me even. Haha but I don't mind her using her phone within reason. I have no idea how much time she spends on her phone when they're holed up in there. It's quiet and I don't really know what they're doing.

Not sure how she keeps them so quiet. 1 year old categorically doesn't care about tv. I asked her to read more Books with them and stuff like that / singing etc. / dancing.

A professional nanny should be able to cope with them both, I’d have thought!

Closing herself in a room with them both seems bizarre. She should definitely be using the garden more by the sounds of it - presumably if you or their father is home you’re working in an office, so she’s not having to shut herself in a room so that the kids don’t see tou?

I don’t know why you’ve said “such different ages” as that’s a really small gap - it’ll be so nice as they get older to have them so very close in age.

Can you take some time off work in the hols? Wouldn’t that be the best time to take it, when your 3 yo is off?

I wouldn’t want them “holed up” in a room all day and I’d be questioning that though.

Can you ask her to keep the door open?

Seriously what's the point in these bash the nanny thread. "Nanny sounds sooo shit"

Well if she is then get rid of her OP or actually communicate with her about your issues. Telling mumsnet isn't going to help your situation. If you want her to take the children to the garden, then tell her. But don't be passively aggressive by not saying a word to her but complaining about her on the internet.

"Nanny SHOULD be able to do this"

But in OPs eyes she not, so unless OP says something to her Nanny nothing will change.

My thoughts exactly!

Are you wfh and that's why she's shutting herself in the living room?

Agree that when out and about she uses reigns on older child. What is it about parents these days that are reluctant to do this then martyr themselves with how hard it is to manage two children? My eldest was an absconder and would off like a greyhound without reigns. My youngest was a reluctant walker- never need reigns, but boy it was a battle to get him out pram. Just use reigns if you have a runner

secondly, I’d be more than a tadge concerned at a nanny that didn’t want to get kids outside and active for as much time as possible. Vit D, mental well-being, etc is dependent on them being outside and in a safe garden, is a bloody sight easier than inside. If she doesn’t know this, doesn’t know how to keep keeps occupied in a garden I’d be seriously questioning whether she only wants to do bits of job she likes

the fact you are feeling like you are having to micromanage her is a red flag . She is not taking the lead here. As nanny she should be coming to you with a routine, ideas and asking your permission, input or approval…if she has got any qualification’s why isn’t she doing this- she’s supposed to be the professional.

if you have hired a newly minimum qualified, inexperienced “nanny” and are paying her on the cheap then you are getting what you pay for. I wouldn’t take on a nanny without at least 5 years experience post training in ideally both nursery and private home setting. Nanny’s like anyone, need to learn on the job, and I wouldn’t want a child of mine being her Guinea pig

I am posting to get an idea of what I can expect and what I can't expect. I was also looking for ideas of how to manage the long break.

On another thread, everyone agreed that it's completely normal and part of nanny duties to do kids laundry/ cook for them / tidy after them.

On this thread, people are loving telling me that it's not ok and I'm expecting her to do too much.

There you go. There will always be people who want to come paint the employer out to be a dragon and then there are others who seem to think the employers expectations are too low and the nanny should do more.

I'm not happy for my kids to be holed up in the living room most days this summer. So I need to do something about it and I will.

I think it depends what you are asking her to do. Children's laundry/cooking for children/general tidy up after children make mess - fine and reasonable.

But then expecting her to cook a healthy meal from scratch with a 3 year old and a 1 year old running around, probably not the best idea. So no wonder cooking might take a back seat when she's got the two children.

Yes do talk to your Nanny!

Ok so when my nanny had my extremely challenging 1 year old and easier 3 year old I used to write her a programme.

park in the morning, see the ducks and go to the playground, then lunch (this food ..) nap, read books, then go to this playgroup - here’s the money, then stop at this cafe, here is the money, then back for painting and story time

But she was happy with that and I had the kids most of the time so I was in control of their week.

she did make her own plans and ideas and she was really good with them. I never expected her to Hoover or anything, nor do laundry, because I wanted her to give my children good attention.

In your shoes I would probably be looking for a new nanny, but in the mean time try giving her some structure and expectations - and a purse or card for her to pay for outings / treats.

organise some nursery friend play dates and get the numbers of other nannies and tell her to make plans with them.

@Luxell934 of course only stuff for the kids. And no, I'm happy for her to take the easy route ( and she does ) when it comes to food. I don't expect culinary specialities for my kids every day at all.

And if I do want something special, I make it. I've been getting these lovely rice pouches for her that you just heat in the microwave for example. She uses those a lot. Occasionally she makes a spag Bol, or she'll do fish fingers and chips or sausages and chips. Yes my kids diet isn't amazing at the moment. But 3 year old is very fussy.

I'm saying you need to adjust your expectations over the school holiday. How do you manage your laundry with the children? Is it that you're doing it during your working day (childfree) or is it at the weekend when presumably you and your partner are both around? What is the system? Do you have a dryer? How long does a wash cycle take? By 'doing laundry', what are you expecting? Everything wash/dried/folded same day? Any ironing? Does this include bedding and towels?

I'm now on my 5th family, and as I said laundry has never been a part of my duties, despite how usual or unusual you think it is

I think as you are looking for activities for the kids, and she does cooking whilst there, I would suggest with her making something like bread rolls with the kids that she can put in the oven for lunches, they can mix the ingredients and help knead the dough. Get them both mini aprons and I don't know how it works I assume you do all the shopping? (Not being rude I just haven't had a nanny don't know if they buy the kids food while at a shop with them) providing you shop I'd get the ingredients in for basic cakes and they can pick lemon/choc/etc. it could also be worth getting kid friendly kitchen stuff, like mine will happily cut salad up with a safety knife and I shove some laundry in while he's cutting up a tomato. Sometimes having the kids busy in the room where the washing machine is helps

Regards the garden - it's a wasted space if she doesn't use it so I'd be open, say it's lovely weather and what can you guys do to have them using the garden, perhaps if it's too big then sectioning an area off and having a paddling pool, water pistols, bubble machine slide etc in there as a little kiddy land

And ask her where she wants to take the children during summer, you can open it as 'I know summer will be long and there will be 2 of them, what are a couple of places you think will be nice for a few visits as I may look at membership if you want to go somewhere multiple times'

If on a Friday when she has both she's mostly home and indoors I think it's a poor show to get a bit behind with the additional childrens tasks - if out with them at the farm all day then naturally laundry may not be done, though it should be tidy as they are out - so I think you may need to be aware a little less may be done if they are outside more as even in the garden she can't then be inside doing other things.

My 2 are 2 1/2 years apart best thing we did was join the local child friendly gym (DL), it has soft play and classes for children year round.
I put the older one in scooter club or similar and take the younger one to the pool, or they both can play in the pool ( oldest wants to be a mermaid when they grows up ) or soft play together.
Lots of children are there with a nanny or granny who can take them to their lessons without having to be a member themselves.

So she only has both children 1 day per week, in which case the activities that you have described, sounds like plenty. If it is just one day a week, the cooking and laundry shouldn't pile up in that time - is she only responsible for the children's food/laundry?

OP is referring to the summer holidays, when presumably she will have both children for 5 days.

Although you do make a good point, I wonder how often OP expects laundry to be done, as surely the nanny has 4 days (in term time) to do it

Omg the laundry ! It probably needs doing once or twice a week. No ironing and there's a dryer. It needs do be folded and put in the cupboard.

She doesn’t sound a very good nanny. Ours have never needed to be micro-managed in this way, or been unable to cope with their basic duties. You may need to get looking for a new one.

Yes she's taken them to the farm actually. She's also taken them to softplay. And two toddler groups a week.
It sounds as* *though she does quite a lot with them already. And you said she takes them to the playground. Children don't need to be managed all the time sometimes just playing at home is enough.

When mine were that age, anything with locked doors was a bonus. Soft plays, children's museums, parks with gates, toddler groups, small farms.

Keeping them contained is key. We also did a lot of messy play which they loved, we rarely used screentime and I would be upset if paid help did - that meant I would be able to utilise it less. I wouldnt want to pay for the privilege of an electronic babysitter.