I promised a shift swap and letting another friend down

[Tiredbehyondbelief]

Dear all, I feel really bad, I could do with some advice. I promised a good friend I would swap my shift with her without realising I had an important appointment that day (which I had forgotten to put into diary hence the mishap). If I cancel the appointment, I will let another good friend down as it's work related. I have since spoken to my first friend and asked her how critical the shift swap is for her. She said, she will be flying home from Italy, arrving at midnight, in bed at 2 am. She would need to wake up at 6 am in order to be at work on time. She said she could do it. What shall I do? Which of my good friends do I let down?

Can you find someone else to shift swap for her, and how long was it between agreeing to do it and realising there was a clash?

You arranged with the second friend first so that takes precedence.

If you already have an appointment then just get back to the second person and say "So sorry, didn't realise I already had a commitment so I can't do that shift swap".

The only issue would be has she already done her half of the swap? If so I would be worried about her thinking you were trying to take advantage and in my job if one half of the deal has been done then you're responsible for the other shift and it's your responsibility to get it covered not the original colleague.

Ideally I'd be helping her to see if someone else can swap (if she's away and you're at work then you can ask around easier) or seeing if you can swap another shift to help (eg if you can't do the day she's coming back, could you cover the day after so that she knows she only has the one shift to get through before she can get some proper rest?) otherwise there's not much you can do.

Really depends on the other friend. Hard to advise without weighing up both options.

Thank you for your replies. There has been a couple of days delay between my 1st friend asking and me realising my mistake. Two days would have been enough time in my books to email the line manager but she didn't do it. I informed her as soon as I realised there was a clash. This is when she told me it's not critical. I suppose I would just leave it at that (keep my original shift). I still feel bad. There is no one else she could swap with. I hope she would be able to function on 3-4 hours of sleep (and get a nap in the staff room at lunch brek - we have recliners). I still feel bad though

Could you do one half of the shift for her? So she gets a couple of hours extra sleep or can go home early?