I started a degree in 2018 when my ds was 8 months old. Although the subject was something I was and am really passionate about and I had wanted to do something like this for a long time, I think I really started the degree at that point because I had some pnd and couldn’t face being stuck at home with 3 kids.
My degree went fully online during Covid and never went back to face to face which I struggled with massively. Like other students we missed out on loads of practical work, field trips etc and the degree was pretty crap without it. I’ve always had good results from coursework & exams usually getting a 1st or sometimes 1:2 grade but it didn’t come easily to me and I would get so stressed out about every single assignment I handed in, they would take me forever and I started having a lot of panic attacks because I was so stressed.
During this time my partner was extremely unsupportive and my dd 7 also developed health problems and she had been in and out of hospital since 2019 and missed loads of school etc. I eventually separated from my my partner I ended up having to find a job and decided to do the rest of my degree part time with aim of finishing my degree this year.
Last year I started my dissertation and then my brother died suddenly, I tried to carry on and was working with an external agency to collect data for my dissertation but after a couple of minor things went wrong I just had an absolute breakdown, my anxiety was though the roof, I was depressed and suicidal and also grieving for my brother. I’m ashamed to say I just abandoned the whole year mid way though. Never spoke to my uni or the other agency just buried it all and ignored everyone’s calls/emails.
I eventually got help and went on antidepressants and had some counselling. Im feeling much happier but the knowledge that I completely fucked up the degree is constantly weighing on my mind, I feel like such a failure. My uni have recently been in touch and said they had paused my studies last year but I need to decide what to do. I have enough credits for an ordinary degree but it’s pretty much useless without the honours year.
A huge part of me wishes I’d never started the degree, it’s absolutely destroyed my confidence in myself and taken away time I could have spent with my children but another part of me thinks if its already ruined my life I should at least finish it and I’ll never get another chance to do a degree. I’ve also run up huge amounts of student loans and will obviously still have to pay that back whether I finish the degree or not, and I have no other qualifications so without the degree I will never be able to get a well paid job to support my kids. I’m so embarrassed about the way I ended things with the agency I was working with for my dissertation and I’m not sure how to fix things if I go back.
anyway I basically need someone else to tell me what to do with my life:
YANBU go back and finish the degree
YABU life’s too short for all this stress don’t finish the degree