Please read - advice needed

[Desertrose2023]

Hi All
looking for some advice please and also to know if what I’m going through is common or if I need to get some professional help? I had my first child early last year. Ever since he was born I’ve become acutely aware and sensitive to any negative news stories relating to children. This has impacted me to the point of depression and has made me think about completely stopping even watching / reading the news or going on social media.

The most recent example is an article I read in a tabloid a few days ago about a 16 month old baby in the US who died - in filth - having been left home alone for 10 days by her mother. This child was the same age as my son and I can’t stop imagining him in that scenario (which makes me feel physically ill) and thinking of the poor little girl who suffered alone and scared dying of starvation and dehydration. It’s more than I can bear thinking about what that poor baby went through and I carry it with me for days even though I’m thousands of miles away playing / interacting with my own child. There are other examples that I won’t go into and every time this happens it’s the same.

I know the world is a horrible place and bad things happen to innocent people, including unfortunately children and that there’s nothing I can do about that. I donate to children’s charities etc., but I still feel a constant sense of hopelessness/ sadness about it.

I am not looking to become a heartless person who brushes off stories like this and feels nothing, but equally I need to understand if there’s anything I can do that means I’m not so deeply and impacted by this ongoing sadness about the world in what seems a constant way ?

yanbu - this is normal and just part of being a parent, it makes you more sensitive to children

yabu - you need to become more resilient / get professional help / stop reading the news

thank you

The news is designed to make you fearful and anxious. Just stop watching it, there is nothing you can do about anything bad you hear about on there anyway.

It’s normal. You want to protect your baby, who you love so you have heightened sensitivity towaards news articles. It’s what you dread most so it affects you more.

Spending hours each day thinking about this isn’t normal

You should talk to your GP

You might need a course of SSRIs as it seems like anxiety by what you have said

You're not being unreasonable. Lockdowns around the world helped to deal with Covid but they also had the unfortunate side effect of locking children up with their abusers, and severely curtailing the efforts of SS. There are more of these cases to come through the courts over the next 12 months, so you have to put in place steps to protect yourself and your mental health.

One way to consider is to curate your newsfeeds so that you minimise your likeihood of seeing these stories. If you do see them, don't read past the headline, or leave the room if it's on telly. Don't fall down the rabbit hole of discussion threads on FB, reddit or other social media.

On a more practical level, you may consider ramping up IRL activities (playgroups, coffee mornings) so that you are around happy parents and babies rather than doom scrolling through horrible events.

And yes as PP says do please see your doc. You may need some MH help as what you are describing sounds a bit like intrusive thoughts and anxiety.

For all the evil and sadness in the world, there is still love and beauty and there are more loving parents than the opposite. So focus on that.

Thank you I really appreciate the replies.
I will make more of an effort to keep myself busy and focus on the day to day and positive things. I work full time so it’s not that I’m spending all day trawling the news but sometimes you can’t help coming across these stories. when I do it just really hits home now I truly understand through experience as a mum how innocent and defenseless kids are - totally dependent on us to just love and care of them, and amplifies how awful the actions of these people are - which is why I just can’t comprehend/ can’t stop thinking how could anyone do that. I like the advice re curating my content so I’ll try to do more of that and will also consider speaking to my doctor - I’m not keen on taking medication but maybe talking things through could help. Thanks again!

I completely get you OP, after my son arrived I suddenly developed an awareness of all the awful news articles about children the world over and it felt overwhelming.
All I could do at the time was hug mine tighter and make sure that in his little world, child abuse or neglect is something so far removed from him and his life that he'd never even begin to comprehend how it would happen.
It's become less acute over time as I've learned to curate my intake, but it's still a gut punch when I get blindsided by an article or a reminder of one of these little lives.

I felt the same when mine were little and whenever there was a horrible story on the news. You sound like you feel things very deeply. I don't have any advice other than to see your doctor if it is really getting you down. Take care xxxx

I watched 'the trial of Gabriel Hernandez' years ago - fine - well, not fine obviously but since I
I have had (almost) 2yo ds I can't bear to hear stories of children being hurt
I go through what's like waves of trauma when I hear them - first I'm shocked, saddened, then angry, furious, then when you usually would be accepting I just stay angry. How can anyone do anything to something as innocent and precious as what I have. I just can't understand it and those 'people' who do bad things to children ... are ANIMALS

I feel the same, it hurts my heart so badly when I read about these stories. An awful one about a little girl named Star will always stay with me.

Thank you everyone for your kind messages and advice, it makes me feel a bit better to know these feelings aren’t totally abnormal. I guess part of the issue is how helpless I feel when hearing about these stories so I think I will look into whether I can be a bit more actively involved in any charity work for children, beyond just donating. It won’t change things overall but at least will give me a sense that even in a tiny way I’m doing something to contribute something good or positive to the world. I’ll also have a chat to my doctor and will give my son an extra right hug tonight (thanks for this suggestion :))

I know what you exactly what you mean!

Its not something that pops into my head often, but normally when I've had a particularly fun/silly day with my two i remember horrible stories about poor babies who have been neglected. Not sure why but it makes me inordinately sad!

I meant not sure why it pops into my head after nice days, not about it making me sad!!

I went through similar when my ds (now 15) was little. It was around the time of the Baby P case. With hindsight, it was a sign I was depressed and I was diagnosed with PND eventually. I did have to limit what I read after a while, and also gave to a charity. I still can't read cases like that too deeply.

You may not be the same as me but it's worth just seeing your GP.