Every attempt of 'good' conversation with dp goes balls up

[OneFlipflopleft]

Does anyone recognize this perhaps? You don't want to, but still it happens. You get annoyed. He says things that are blatently untrue or speaks in very condemning tone, patronises you, or so it feels like, it triggers you, and there you are, another fight, another walk away, another night apart. It does my head in and I don't want this anymore. But I also notice that I say that a lot 'I don't want this anymore', and then keep trying. There is a big newbuild house that functions as our ball and chain though. And a dd of 7 yrs old, who hates our arguments (ofcourse). And I am wondering would she be better off if I left or if I stayed. Would I be better off. But does that matter. Does she not come first, as I made a choice of bringing her into this world, with this man. I should stick it out. Make the best of it.
But to me, there is no more best left. We're out. Does not help he is someone who is best described as with his head in the sand and or loves his silent treatment, the latter presses all my buttons.
I find myself crying a lot the last year, hardly zero to none happy days, no good feels, nothing. When I used to be someone waking up feeling happy unless something of the contrary would happen. Now I have felt happy once, a little bit, when I left to study, in a hotel. As I can't study at home, because of their interruptions. After 3 hours of studying he'll passive agressively will make me 'pay' for staying upstairs for that long. At my whits end. Would love to hear from someone gone through this experience, with some whise words.😔

Leave. For your sake and your daughters. This is no way to live. He's draining all the joy out of daughter's childhood and that is unforgivable in my book.

I think you need to end the relationship. He dislikes you. I wouldn't 'leave' though until you have spoken to a solicitor to understand the legalities of custody & selling / keeping the house.

I would leave him, but I wouldn't leave my children. No way.

I would never leave my daughter, she goes where I go. Just need to find the right path.

Then you need a plan. Start tomorrow

Yes I do, that is right.
Is it unreasonable to start tomorrow with creating my own room. To me it is the first step to get breathing space. Somewhere at my design, to sit, work, study, and keep clean.
And work my way out from there. I feel it might get my frustrations settled
And like I told him many times, I would feel less lonely being alone, than being ignored. Not recognized is perhaps a better word.

I think creating your own space is a start. It will give you somewhere to study, think and make a plan. However it’s no way to live and not good for your daughter who would not be “better off” if you left. She would feel abandoned and let down.

Don’t get beaten by what you know. You know he won’t engage and that the way you communicate together is toxic. You can opt to step off the merry go round. Stop trying to have conversations other than day to day exchanges. Stop telling him you feel alone because he won’t respond. Plan things for you and your daughter in the summer holiday. Good Luck and keep calm and focused.

And a dd of 7 yrs old, who hates our arguments (ofcourse).

When your 7 year old child is telling you how dysfunctional her home life is, you should bloody well listen. The example you are setting for her is going to taint her entire life.

That "path" you wrote about, find it. Right fucking now. Your daughter needs you to put her wellbeing before what's easy for you.

OP I recognize what you're going through. Sadly it will all come down to you. He has checked out of the relationship. It's going to be up to you now to sort out a better life for you and your dd. I would sign up for some counseling or confide in a close friend. You're going to need someone on your side to support you. I would stop engaging with him. Don't allow him to upset you any more. Let
His silences roll over you. Make a space for yourself in the house or out of the house. Find out where the local library is. Go sit in a coffee shop. Find your strngth and show your dd how to make a better happier life. She is aware of what's going on and will
Be sad that you're unhappy. Stay strong my friend

Yup I recognise it, the gish gallop, the darvo, the boring shit. Mumsnet seems to have a disproportionate amount of rational, great husbands who can talk issues through rationally. It's never been my experience though, you just get worn down until you stop even mentioning anything because it ends up in a row. Then you leave, they are all shocked picachu, my ex then alluded to a suicide attempt. I was beyond caring by then. He retaliated by selling my dog, I hate him so much. Still have to engage though... Sigh.

He didn't want any conversation about anything, boring superficial idiot. He was happy when we had money and could buy stuff. He watches endless videos of people going to florida for holidays . We did go to florida when dd was little, tbh I found it a bit stultifying, he's obsessed though.