To have said this?

[Ilovemuaythai]

My son is starting high school this year, his “friend” is going to the same school too, both from the same primary school.

His mum asked if I minded taking them to the introduction days as I drive, she doesn’t. I said of course not a problem. Myself, my partner (sons dad) & The friend & his Mum all went in my car. I seen a completely different side of my sons friend. One that I didn’t like one bit.

He was unbelievably rude to his mum who just sat there laughing at him, saying things like.. “I’ll rip the homework up they won’t be giving me detention” “I’ll climb over the school gates” “shut up I’ll do what I want” Amongst other things.

On the way home the three of them sat in the back & my son was casually chatting to his friend when all of a sudden his friend said “this is what annoys me” & his mum went “what annoys you?” & the friend said “him he annoys me he gets on my nerves & annoys me so much” “he does my head in shut up” talking about my son who literally was sat doing nothing wrong.

My son sat there with his head down. Turns out his supposed friend has always spoken to him like that. Something he told me later that night. I’ve told my son he should not allow anyone to speak like that to them but my son is really quiet & shy with ASD. If that’s relevant.

I said, excuse me he hasn’t done anything wrong that’s really nasty to say that. He was talking to you & you was talking back so how is that annoying? His mum just sat there like she was put on mute, didn’t tell her son to be quiet or tell him off, didn’t even apologise. As soon as I dropped them off I said to his mum, I won’t be taking your son back to the next induction day you can find your own transport & to be honest keep him away from my son I’m not having him being so nasty to him for nothing.

Now I’m stressed that they’re both going to the same high school, they’ve been put into the same form in high school, I’m thinking of asking for my son to be moved from the form, but was IBU to have said what I said? & IBU to ask the high school to move my son from the same form?

YANBU to have told the rude little shit off and not take them tomorrow. They must have another means of getting to school unless they were expecting you to taxi him there every day. You can ask the school about changing forms but they might not be receptive to it, some schools have a blanket ban on these requests because if they do it for one parent they have to do it for everyone who asks and it becomes a massive ball ache trying to please everyone.

Do ask the school.
That kid is a bully and he's already found a target in your son.
You need to get your son away from him.

The mum asked if I’d take her to the first induction day which was a few days ago, then they’ve got another induction day next week which I said I’d take him too, but I’ve told her I definitely won’t be now she can find her own transport for him. Couldn’t believe the mouth on him.

I’ll still contact the school & see if they can move him if I explain why. Hopefully they’ll do it. Thanks for the reply.

You stuck up for your son. I would have done the same. Definitely see if you can get them in different forms.

Did she not give any retort to you at all? Any reason for her DS's horrible behaviour?

I have taken my son completely away from him & already told his mum to keep her son away from him. I explained to my son how friends like that are not friends, unfortunately my son is just a very quiet & gentle boy who would be friends with any kid his age. Something me & his dad are working on with him.

Well bloody done op!!
Genuinely... Ime the best way to get rid of awful dc is to call them out in their bad behaviour..

You were nice then I'd have been. I'd have stopped the car!

No, she literally said nothing but the next day which I should’ve added but it was too long to put, the sons dad texted me apologising the next day, saying, how his son has ADHD & can’t control how he speaks to people. I text back & said whilst I appreciate the apology, had that have been my son speaking to your son that way I’d have absolutely wiped the floor with him & made him apologise there & then something which your wife didn’t.

Btw I’m fully aware that ADHD can play a part in how you are as a person, my son is waiting for a diagnosis of it himself, but I’ve yet to meet anyone with ADHD who is allowed to be a blatant bully.

I would speak to the school and also make it clear that his ASD makes him more vulnerable to being in an unhealthy friendship that he can negotiate out of.

I would also have asked his mum what on earth she was doing letting him speak to mine like that.

Good for you, op. I would have said the same. Horrible shit of a boy and his idiot mother needed to be told.

ADHD is not an excuse for rudeness, or for the mum failing to intervene. You absolutely did the right thing.

Well when we all got out of the car I said to his mum, find your own transport back to the school because he isn’t coming in my car again after that & she just stood there. Didn’t say a word. Really odd behaviour.

Well done for speaking up and calling them out on that behavior. Talk to the school and see but also chat with your DS and prepare him to find new friends and not let this guy to demean your DS again. What a horrible mother & child.

Good for you OP! Well done for standing up for your child.

Well OP my DD14 has ADHD and ASD and if she spoke to anyone like that I would have given her both barrels.

I'll tell you why...her father is a narcissistic sociopath...he also has ADHD and ASD and I will do absolutely everything to stop her turning out like him because as a kid his parents literally let him behave and do what he wanted. Like that mother did.

ND kids don't understand the world the way NT kids do....they need to be taught.

It makes me wonder what kind of treatment that mother might be getting from her husband.

Yes I'd ask the school to seperate them if they can. They often like to put kids from the same primary together.

Well done for standing up for your DS.

I would definitely ask the school to keep them separate. The school would want to know as putting them together is likely to lead to problems down the line which could cause your DS a lot of distress and cause a bunch of additional work for teachers and pastoral care staff.

Does the school have any social activity groups at lunchtimes your DS could enjoy? I know Dungeons and Dragons is popular with quite a few ND people (of both sexes). There was a dungeon at my DC's high school one Saturday a month. It's a lot easier to make friends over an activity if someone is reserved and quiet.

Well done for speaking up, bullies need to be called out for their behaviour, his mum clearly wasn’t going to. On the subject of asking to change forms, please ask the school. I didn’t because my friend told me they’d never let DS change, you get what you’re given. I let him put up with it for 2 years before I called school and explained the situation. He was moved within a week. I should’ve listened to my gut. Tell them your concerns and ask to move. It’s in your sons best interests.

Excellent response OP. You are 100% correct with this - children make mistakes and it is their parents responsibility to guide and correct them as necessary. The fact that this woman didn't is completely outrageous.

Well done for dealing with this so admirably - a lot of posters on here are doormats. I salute you!

Doormats reference was in Mumsnet in general - not referring to posters on this thread!

Well done OP.

I'd have went nuts. Good for you for keeping your composure.

Definitely have your DC removed if he can.

ADHD doesn't make you rude, not does it cause bad parenting.

If a parent asked my school to move their child's bully to another form before the start of the year we'd have no problem doing so.