To be this tired after baby

[sunshineandwinee]

FTM. I have a one year old and I’ve just started back at work. I’m absolutely exhausted, trying to juggle being full time at work (compressed five days into four), looking after my child after work and on the weekends.

Been with DH 10 years, he’s upset with me because we don’t have sex often anymore and he thinks I don’t make the effort to spend time with him alone as much anymore, and that only suggest doing things as three. Apparently all I think about is our child.

And his main issue is that he just doesn’t understand why I’m still tired a year later and that I said before we have a baby that our relationship wouldn’t change this much.

I do get where he is coming from, I don’t initiate sex as much anymore. We don’t have much help so going out alone is rare so feel stuck on what to do there. I want to but I’m genuinely so tired. My DC is hard work and demands a lot of our time, my work is demanding and pressurised so that’s mentally draining and I’m still trying to get back into the swing of work, I don’t get much time to myself either.

DH works full time and helps where he can, but it’s mostly left to me as I’m here more as his hours are all over the place; so I do understand that. he does his fair share with our child.

Im going to make more effort to initiate sex and spend more time with him in the evenings but I’m just so tired. I want to go to bed by 10/11.

Am I supposed to be in the swing of everything now and less tired now my baby is a year old? or maybe there’s something wrong with me and I need to go to my GP?

Read your first paragraph back to yourself - of course you’re knackered! It’s a huge adjustment going back to work after having a baby.

There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing! It's bloody hard.

Everything you say is very common.

Can you speak to your HV about this? S/he might be able to offer some advice.

Apparently all I think about is our child.
Think about that. All you think about is your 1yr old helpless baby infant. Imagine if it wasnt the case. It would be very strange if it wasnt the uppermost thing on your mind really. Your DH is being very unreasonable. Yes it's nice to make time for sex, for yourself and for other things, but baby will always come first.
And yes it is very very tiring. YADNBU

Your partner is being very selfish. If he wants more time with you alone he needs to step up and arrange some ad hoc childcare! If you’re barely getting time to yourself then how on earth does he expect more sex and couples time too?!

Your DH sounds like a knob tbh.

Your tiredness levels sound normal to me, for the situation you are in. I wouldn't be rushing to the GP. Maybe start taking a multivitamin. But really, this is just life with a FT job and a one year old.

Nothing is wrong with you, it’s normal. And unfortunately you’ve got a man who thinks you’re there to fulfil his needs on top of everything else.
Make sure you are both doing 50:50.

This. Your dh is being spectacularly selfish.Of course you want to do things as a three. You are a FAMILY! This is how it is supposed to be.

What did he think it would be like? A baby accessory to coo over for an hour a day and then put in a box? He needs to step up and help much more. He could employ a cleaner or do more when he is home. He could batch cook at the weekends so you don't have to cook during the week. He could try thinking about his child instead of himself. How old is he? 20?

I don't think it can be true that he "helps where he can" and also that he "does his fair share", if he's an equal parent and you also work full time. This stage is tough on both of you, but you are doing more and he's sulking that you're not prioritising him enough. Ugh, I wouldn't feel like initiating sex with him either.

Sorry, I wasn't clear. I was trying to say that "helps where he can" is the kind of thing I say about my own mum, who lives 100 miles away and didn't choose to have my kids. She has them a few times a year for me, and if she comes to visit she cleans my fridge or something. That's 'helping where she can'. Your DP, who had this baby with you and who works FT just like you do isn't supposed to be 'helping where he can', he's supposed to be stepping up and 'doing his fair share'. It's not 'helping' when it's his kid too!