AIBU to be jealous to people with gardens

[FreeRangeGirl]

Me, my partner and our DS who is 2 live in a 2 bedroom flat on a 1 floor. It’s actually quite nice, big windows, good location, on one of the main roads so it’s not noisy but you get used to that.
But.. I miss the garden!! Like desperately, because before I used to live in place with one
After we met, I moved into his place, because he was living here for a couple of years now and was happy with the place due to its location and also close to his work. And I liked it too!

And the best thing is the rent. It’s a HA house . We pay just over £500pcm + other bills, for a 2 bedroom flat I would say it’s a steal.
But after DS was born I more and more want an outside space of some sort of. Just put the clothes outside to dry, have some coffee, let the child run free, have toys, swings etc.

I know that at this moment it’s very very very unlikely to move and I doubt we gonna find something similar in terms of bedrooms and location and PRICE!! We also asked the HA about chance to swap the house but they say it’s not available, they don’t do that.

I just can’t stop to imagine all the things I could do with a garden and specially with a small child. Am I really AIBU ???

I lived for 15 years without a garden and then moved to a home with a garden. It's been nearly 15 years here now, but i still have the odd dream that we've been forced to move back to the old home, and the last time i had that dream i was telling someone how much i missed the garden! For some, the garden space is vital. Yanbu.

It's a great steal. If you can afford more rent then save save save (while you are paying cheap rent)... then use this for a deposit to buy your own place.

If you can't afford any more rent.....swapping is your only option.....but it sounds like your HA don't allow this.

You can have mine if you weed it.

I seriously overestimated my interested in gardening and the amount of time a garden takes up to not look like a jungle.

Yanbu. A garden with a child is a godsend. Even without a child it’s great for mental health.

Sorry to answer your question. No I don't think you are being unreasonable to want a garden.

But wanting and being able to have are different things.

We all need goals to motivate us and yours is a fair goal.

YANBU. After being stuck in a place with a tiny garden during lock down, we moved somewhere with a bigger garden a couple of years ago.
It’s a bit untidy in places, but I love telling the children to go outside to play.

Can you start saving now? And if you don’t have a garden, how about an allotment?

YANBU we lived in a nice flat until ds1 was 2 and then moved to a house with garden and it made life much better.

I lived with ds in a flat until he was 8. Like yours, it was a nice, airy flat with a reasonable rent (and large communal gardens) but it was a pain not being able to just step outside into a private outdoor space whenever we wanted. Or dry washing!

We did have a tiny tiny balcony and I used to have the French doors open all the time in summer but I agree it's not the same as a garden. There was a park 2 mins away but again, not the same.

So YANBU! but a secure and cheap tenancy is also priceless especially at the moment...

Get indoor plants if you don't already!

I'm lucky enough to live in a flat with front and back garden and indoor plants are just as much fun, and you get to see them often.

Hanging plants could also be nice?

It is very natural to hanker after something that is important to you.
I've had similar in my life especially when the kids were young.
Your circumstances and your feeling the lack of outdoor space is really common, so if course yanbu, don't worry. (Remember those photos of old new York with cages suspended from Windows just so babies could be aired though living in high rise accommodation! rarehistoricalphotos.com/history-baby-cage-1934-1948/ 😱)
So people have even gone to extremes to try to square that circle which is bothering you. 😪

In my own situation the only way I've managed to put to bed the longing and envy for the things I'd love to have and don't, is to allow myself a guilt free 'if only' moment, then to give myself a peep talk on all the things in really grateful for like healthy child, happy marriage, manageable finances etc etc... I also made an effort to catch myself when I was envying someone, and make myself consider their life as a whole not just that bit of it, so I could see, that yes they had that, but they didn't have this other thing so their life is also a blend of light and shade .. that helped take the heat out of my jealousy.
After a while the hankering reduces and the acceptance that very few have every box ticked and there will be something about your life that others wish they had etc etc.
But it's normal for you to feel this way, don't let it eat you up though. 💐

Well, no, it sounds unlikely you will find somewhere with a garden for a similar price, from what you say, but as a garden is important to you, can you see the low rent as an opportunity to save to buy somewhere with a garden? In a cheaper area, if necessary?

YANBU. It's not the same but can you get to a park or woods often. Could you go on a waiting list for all the allotments local to you? Let them know you don't have a garden, they might prioritise you. You can have play equipment on an allotment as well as grow things.

Keep badgering HA, maybe something will come up.

I found my DC stopped playing in the garden much after a certain age, and preferred the park, so it's not too important for them, but I'm in it loads.

I do love having a garden but it sounds like the price, location and everything else works well for you so I'd concentrate on how to feel better about no garden. Any hidden gems nearby (green spaces etc)? Any memberships for outdoor places nearby? Any friends with gardens?

Also yes to allotment, me and DH had one when we lived in a flat, it wasn't very expensive at all but we loved spending time there and growing stuff

Also, we do now have a lot of garden space and, whilst I love it, it is EXPENSIVE and time-consuming! But yeah, sitting out here with a coffee right now and feeling v lucky.

Keep saving OP, and I'm sure it will happen in the end.

given that you say the rent is low, a house or flat of a similar size plus garden probably not attainable for now.
Find a local park or square where you can sit outside & let child play.

I chose to buy a flat in central London rather than a house with a garden further out, and made this compromise; I now have a plot in a community garden about ten minutes walk away.

If its HA, could you register on Homeswopper to see in anyone would like to exchange?

Given how little you are paying for rent/bills, does it give more opportunity to travel to parks and other outdoor places as a substitute? I have no garden but two parks and a common nearby, that give me outdoor space and nature to enjoy.

I'd go to local parks with wee one. Gardens take up so much time and are hard work. Unless you are dedicated and enjoy doing them it's like another chore.

YANBU, I lived in high rise flats for years with my older children. We had a balcony to do BBQ's and tend to plants etc but it is not the same.

My youngest DC is fortunate to have grown up in a house with a garden which he loves.

We used to rent somewhere with a garden. We are now with a HA and have no garden. The minute we were offered it I put my name down for an allotment. I thought I would be waiting years but just over a year later I was offered an allotment. It's not a garden but it's outside space which is mine. Might be worth considering

Yanbu. But it’s often a trade off.

You are choosing to remain in a secure cheap rental. The trade off being is a flat with no garden.

I moved areas when I became a single parent to have a garden. The house needed work, was smaller than ideal but was only 87k 5 years ago. It has a substantial garden. I had to change jobs and schools for the kids.

It was a trade off, but I am very happy here. Though I would love to be closer to my Dad and wish the house was a bit bigger so I could have a dining room or an upstairs bathroom.

Outside space is important to me, but only to sit in, not to do gardening. If I eventually move into a retirement flat I will want a small outside area to sit in, I would only need a couple of pots to put a couple of flowers and I'd be happy. You are only paying minimal rent, so I'd try and save, to move and have a mortgage, as a long term goal. Our house is only small but we are coming to the end of our mortgage which is a nice feeling.

We recently moved to a house with a garden after 9 years in a flat. I love having a garden but it hasn't changed our lives in the ways I expected it would. We still love going out to parks and woods and the beach, we are active people.
So it's just another place to keep tidy and more work which makes me stressed out, as I can see it looking worse and worse.
I wouldn't go back now, but god I miss that flat. It was light and airy and modern and we had everything organized there, and it was cheap! This place needs a total renovation.
Try to focus on what you have rather than what you haven't, I wish I had appreciated it more whilst we were there, a garden wasn't the answer to all my problems like I thought it was!

Yes, we have a park nearby, might as well be called out private park because we are there practically every day. Even now I’m sat on a childrens playground.
I agree on the fact that this is probably the best what we can get now and the lack of garden is a compromise I have to live with. I wouldn’t mind change areas, although this one is good, moving to another one wouldn’t bother much. I think the rent element and the security in these times in really valuable and we both know it.
And thank you for not thinking I’m crazy!