Worried I don't give 5 week old enough cuddles

[elm26]

I'm a bottle of Prosecco down (don't usually drink) and feeling a bit emotional. DD is with sober dad and I'm having a few drinks with my friends for first time in over a year.

I suddenly really miss her, like I need to hold her and smell her and nurture her. I worry I don't show her enough love even though deep down I know I do, I'm obsessed with her, I tried for 9 years and had 13 miscarriages, she is my miracle and my whole world. I stroke her face, bathe her and massage her, feed her and cuddle her up.

Our typical day is wake and feed, change nappy and cuddle then I put her down to sterilise bottles, do laundry etc. we meet friends twice a week and once a week do a baby class but I feel like she spends a lot of time in her Moses basket because she just wants to sleep after a bottle or in her pram bassinet as we are are out, In the afternoon I lay on the floor with her on her play mat and do some sensory stuff like rattles and the black and white flash cards etc.

Do I need to cuddle her more? I love her so much, I'm really worried I'm failing her. Am I doing enough?!

Do I need to stop cleaning/laundry and just sit and ignore the mess and enjoy this time with her whilst she's still so little? I don't want to regret missing anything.

I'm going to regret this post tomorrow but it's been playing on my mind for days.

I think most things you think after a bottle of wine aren't worth the paper they're written on...

But are you otherwise worried about how you've bonded?not everyone has "love at first sight" with their baby.

To encourage more contact maybe do Baby massage during the day or have times in the day you sit and cuddle?

Very true especially as I rarely drink! But I have been thinking about it sober too.

I had an instant bond with her, I know it's completely normal to not as well. I was warned it could take weeks to feel that overwhelming love etc but I felt it immediately.

I guess I leave her in her moses when she's asleep as she looks comfy and I don't want to disturb her sleep/means I can do some housework and when we are out with friends she often falls asleep so leave her in her bassinet.

Sometimes there’s nothing better than being trapped under a sleeping baby. And sometimes there’s nothing worse! If you’re worried, you can just pick her up and cuddle her, she’s yours! Leave the washing for one day and just snuggle your baby, the chores can wait for tomorrow.

At 5 weeks you're still in the sleep feed change stage, she will be more interested in cuddles/play later on.
Most mums are still worrying about getting this wrong until baby becomes so active that you don't have time to worry. As she grows she will let you know when she wants cuddles and play but at this stage she's not that fussed about anything except her physical state (dry, fed, asleep/awake).

If you're worrying then you're doing it right. Enjoy being a bit pissed and if you can't enjoy it get your arse to bed.

I loved it when mine fell asleep on me! But if they're sleeping well in the basket that's fine too. Just cuddle when you can? Their awake moments will be longer and longer.

I completely miss having a sleeping baby snuggled into me while I watched TV unable to do anything whilst "trapped" though. It was magic.

Oh, I've no doubt you're doing a lovely job. If she's happy snoozing and you want to do some bits, let her sleep. If you fancy a cuddle, have a nice sleepy cuddle together.

There's so much 'it goes by so quickly' pressure and, in a way, it does. But you have absolutely acres of cuddle time. They are so cuddly for so long. There's so much time, really.

I think you are watching too much Instagram - there are so many videos there about contact being essential etc it can make you feel guilty for using a pram or cot! Which is wild. If she can sleep well there it means she's happy there and I'm sure you give her cuddles while you are feeding her etc

Have you got a baby sling/carrier? Then you can have her strapped to you all day if you want, whilst cleaning etc.

Please don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re definitely not failing her.

As a newborn DD was quite happy to nap a lot in her carrycot. I could lay her down and get on with jobs. At a few months old it’s a different story and most of her naps involve me being ‘nap trapped’!

If you’d like more cuddles then definitely do that, housework can wait and you’ll never look back and wish you did more of it. But as long as you’re receptive to her when she’s awake, she definitely won’t come to harm by napping comfortably on her own.

You're doing great, you really are. Drink some water before bed. 😉

Thanks everyone.

I'm definitely off to bed! Too old for this 😂

@ContractQuestion my problem is that I'm so tired I've fell asleep with her a few times on sofa and I don't even know I'm drifting off until I wake up and I'm worried about her suffocating etc in the sofa pillows so I worry about holding her for so long on the a sofa/in bed when I'm comfy.

@PleaseGoDontGoAgain I do have a sling that I put her in to walk the dog each day so I guess that's another form of contact.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I agree, I feel like there is so much pressure to be an "insta mum" all matching outfits and perfect make up and cuddles and reality is just not like that.

@Duttercup thank you, I use the time to have a bubble bath for myself too and some self care but I feel guilty after.

Get. A. Sling.

Then you can do whatever you need to do, with your lovely baby right there snuggled up to you. Honestly, they are the best thing ever. I did a solo long distance walk on maternity leave (in stages, 6 miles a week), and I spent all of that time chatting to DS in the sling (who was about 10 weeks old when I started, about 9 months when I finished), pointing stuff out to him, watching him sleep snuggled up to me. Blissful.

We used ours until DS was about 4 (pretty infrequently when he was 4, mostly just for hiking and carrying him home after long days out when his legs were tired, but he still loved hopping into it).

Thanks @GodspeedJune I've been nap trapped a couple times where I can't reach my cuppa but that's fine because it's worth it!

@takealettermsjones I'm definitely taking a pint of water to bed and I've already had one and left a berrocca out for the morning 😂

Also, baby swimming. Your DD is a bit too young at the minute, but from about 3-4 months it’s a great thing to do. You are holding your baby face to face for the whole class, they absolutely love having all of your focus on them for that time.

I've had Three, my Second had serious breathing problems in the first few hours and stopped breathing while I was holding him in hospital, as a result I was really fractious.
On a midwives advice he was in the sling constantly unless i was changing or feeding him, I learnt to squat instead of bending over and would sit sideways to eat my dinner to avoid accidently dropping anything on him. It reassured me no end.
This continued until he got a bit bigger and more active when he let me know he was bored in there!

Get off Instagram and live your life your way. Instagram is imagination, not reality.

can I share something? I bought a job lot of baby stuff from an acquaintance to prepare for dd. Included was about 50 Baby and Child magazines (or something).

I would read an article saying “do it this way”. That was lovely when I wanted to reinforce a theory or practice I had in mind. However, if I didn’t like one point of view, I would go through those magazines and there would be an article saying “do it that way”.

My point is that you are a good mum and, 99.99% of the time, the right way to bring up you dc is YOUR way.

And stay off Instagram.

You're doing fine!