Why can’t my husband handle criticism

[Tojumpasinkingship]

It’s barely even criticism …. Wtf
going on? Anyone else ?

It depends on what the criticism is and how it's put. But people don't like home truths, or their behaviour being addressed. Sometimes it's to do with to their childhood.

Because he's a man?

What sort of thing?

hoe do you say it?

is it balanced with other things you like about him?

Like him being selfish, lazy, swearing at me

He doesn’t like it when I point it out … so he stops it for a while but then when he does it again and I point it out he gets super pissed

Do you say it that bluntly?
"DH you're lazy and selfish and need to shut up"
Rather than
"DH, I need help around the house. Could you help out a little more?"

If this is true, I think your problem is not that he can’t handle criticism.

Because he is an immature idiot. Adults accept and learn from criticism so that they can improve and grow.

I cry and ask for help. Which he gives me then ‘ fails’ and gets super pissed off

It’s gone on for so many years that yes I do shout now

He shouldn’t be just ‘helping’ - and she shouldn’t have to ask ‘nicely’. Jeez. Is it still 1950 where you live?

I don’t think criticism gets anyone anywhere really as it just makes people defensive. Setting boundaries is a good way to frame a problem.

”I feel….. when you…. Because …. I need”

So you own your feelings as your own and don’t get into name calling. You explain the consequence of their behaviour on your and then tell them what you need.

They can then choose to meet your needs or not. If they continue not to meet your needs then you need to decide whether this is the right relationship for you.

This woman is excellent at helping with framing this stuff.https://www.haileymagee.com/blog/2019/10/3/how-to-set-a-challenging-boundary-from-start-to-finish

Any criticism is an issue. If I don’t criticise I would literally have no support or affection

If DH told you that you were selfish and lazy without explaining why wouldn't you get pissed off too?

If constantly criticising someone is the only way to get love or support then you should consider whether this relationship is good for either of you.

In addition to what I said above, if you set a boundary you don’t have tolerate their bad behaviour when you set it… you can just walk away.

Fragile male ego?

So you cry, and shout, he feels like shit and capitulates, and the cycle repeats?

Sounds so toxic