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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on the train?

81 replies

lazymary · 24/06/2023 18:40

My brother is planning to move to the other end of the country, and has been asking round for a long time for someone to go with him and help look at properties.

I have annual leave in a few weeks, so I've said I will go this time. We have rented a holiday home which cost £300 each and we will go by car.

The house is Friday to Friday, but the problem is I can not book the first Friday off work, as my colleague is booked off. I have said I can go Friday night, or could we go Saturday morning.

He is not happy with this and wants to go on the Friday morning so he has the longest possible time there. He has suggested I go down by train on Saturday.

AIBU to say get stuffed? The train would cost approx £90 for the single journey and takes 7.5 hours. I would rather not go at all if it involves the hassle of a train journey, even if I lose the money I've spent on accommodation.

OP posts:
Boomboxinmyattic · 24/06/2023 18:43

Can't he go by train and you follow by car?

Sigmama · 24/06/2023 18:44

If he perhaps helps pay for the train, the train would be great, chill and read, no traffic jams

LlynTegid · 24/06/2023 18:46

If he will pay for the train, perhaps.

Tinkerbyebye · 24/06/2023 18:46

He goes by train on the Friday, you go by car

Rainrainstayawaytilseptember · 24/06/2023 18:48

Hi db, let me know when you have booked my train ticket.
Cheers dsis...

HundredMilesAnHour · 24/06/2023 18:49

I'm assuming it's his car so he's driving on Fri morning with or without you?

I'd get the train on Sat as long as he pays for it (since you're helping him). Take a book and enjoy some chill time on the train.

GabriellaMontez · 24/06/2023 18:50

How long is it by car? Whose car?

pigsDOfly · 24/06/2023 18:50

He seems to have overlooked the fact that you're doing him a favour by going with him, the least he can do is make it as easy as possible for you.

If you're not happy going on the train then he needs wait for you to go in the car with him.

7.5 hours is a horribly long train journey, not to mentioned the cost of shelling out for your train ticket.

Original poster
lazymary · 24/06/2023 18:50

GabriellaMontez · 24/06/2023 18:50

How long is it by car? Whose car?

About 6-7 hours. It's his car

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 24/06/2023 18:50

I can see the logic that you’re doing him a favour and so he should accommodate you, but on the other hand I can see why he’s trying to go earlier.

Did he know that you couldn’t have the Friday off work when you booked the house? Are there viewings booked in? I can sort of understand his logic as I would want to maximise time there, and also if you pop into estate agents on Friday then you may get some bookings for the Sat.

Also doing that long a journey starting in the evening sounds pretty miserable- when I drive that far I tend to start early (like 6ish) so you can break the back of it early, especially on a Friday when the traffic tends to be worse. Is there any way you can get the day off and just be on call for emergencies?

Also personally I would prefer to do that kind of journey on a train anyway. And you won’t presumably have to pay for any petrol. That’s assuming that the trains are reliable…

EvilElsa · 24/06/2023 18:51

Well him being unhappy doesn't change the situation. If you can't go early because of work then you can't go. He's being a twat for the sake of a few hours and you are doing him a favour. I wouldn't hesitate to tell him so. You can say to him he can either wait for you, take the train himself, pay for the train or refund you £300 and go alone. Plenty of options there.

Original poster
lazymary · 24/06/2023 18:52

Heronwatcher · 24/06/2023 18:50

I can see the logic that you’re doing him a favour and so he should accommodate you, but on the other hand I can see why he’s trying to go earlier.

Did he know that you couldn’t have the Friday off work when you booked the house? Are there viewings booked in? I can sort of understand his logic as I would want to maximise time there, and also if you pop into estate agents on Friday then you may get some bookings for the Sat.

Also doing that long a journey starting in the evening sounds pretty miserable- when I drive that far I tend to start early (like 6ish) so you can break the back of it early, especially on a Friday when the traffic tends to be worse. Is there any way you can get the day off and just be on call for emergencies?

Also personally I would prefer to do that kind of journey on a train anyway. And you won’t presumably have to pay for any petrol. That’s assuming that the trains are reliable…

Yes I was clear I couldn't go on the Friday.

It's non negotiable about me getting the Friday off work - it's late notice and if my colleague is off, I can't be.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 24/06/2023 18:56

So the train isn't really much longer than the car journey? I would agree to that as long as he paid (at least half) since you're doing a favour for him.

juop · 24/06/2023 18:58

I would just not go, if you're happy to lose the money you paid for the accommodation. Personally I think a (direct) train is a nicer way to travel than by car, but if you don't like trains then it's rude for your brother not to drive you if he's been begging you to go. Tbh it's a bit odd that a grown man isn't capable of viewing properties on his own anyway.

NerrSnerr · 24/06/2023 18:58

Could you just drive yourself on the Friday night or Saturday morning?

BungleandGeorge · 24/06/2023 18:59

I think you’re being unreasonable just get the train. Is he paying for the car journey, you must be going 300/350 miles? Half the money for the journey would be half your train fair and the journey isn’t any longer. It’s unreasonable and unsafe to expect him to drive at rush hour for 7 hours plus into the early hours. He really needs a decent break in the middle of the journey. Do you drive?

Original poster
lazymary · 24/06/2023 19:01

TidyDancer · 24/06/2023 18:56

So the train isn't really much longer than the car journey? I would agree to that as long as he paid (at least half) since you're doing a favour for him.

The station is about an hour from where we would be staying

OP posts:
Original poster
lazymary · 24/06/2023 19:01

BungleandGeorge · 24/06/2023 18:59

I think you’re being unreasonable just get the train. Is he paying for the car journey, you must be going 300/350 miles? Half the money for the journey would be half your train fair and the journey isn’t any longer. It’s unreasonable and unsafe to expect him to drive at rush hour for 7 hours plus into the early hours. He really needs a decent break in the middle of the journey. Do you drive?

I don't even particularly want to go, so if he went on his own he would be paying the whole accommodation and petrol

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 24/06/2023 19:03

I'd also not go.

Does this mean you owe him for accommodation?

Did you know all along he wouldn't wait for you?

Original poster
lazymary · 24/06/2023 19:04

GabriellaMontez · 24/06/2023 19:03

I'd also not go.

Does this mean you owe him for accommodation?

Did you know all along he wouldn't wait for you?

I've already paid towards the accommodation

OP posts:
RandomMess · 24/06/2023 19:04

Just pull out.

Likely to be a much shorter and smoother car journey if you get up very early Saturday and drive then.

Original poster
lazymary · 24/06/2023 19:05

No I didn't know he wouldn't wait.

I suggested Saturday morning. We got the accommodation 50% off as there was a late cancellation, so I didn't think a day late would be a big deal

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 24/06/2023 19:06

I really don't understand the big deal. Get the train and he picks you up from the station an hour from where you're staying. Enjoy your week away and spending some time with your brother plus having a nosey round some houses.

BungleandGeorge · 24/06/2023 19:06

is there something particularly difficult about the train journey? I’m not really seeing why you’d sacrifice £300 accommodation for the sake of a £90 journey. Presumably he wouldn’t have had to use £600 for accommodation if he was going alone. Can you fly?

Original poster
lazymary · 24/06/2023 19:07

BungleandGeorge · 24/06/2023 19:06

is there something particularly difficult about the train journey? I’m not really seeing why you’d sacrifice £300 accommodation for the sake of a £90 journey. Presumably he wouldn’t have had to use £600 for accommodation if he was going alone. Can you fly?

Flying isn't an option.

The train journey is 4 changes and a bit of palava in London.

OP posts: