Mum calling me fat on birthday

[Ladybug85789]

It is my birthday today mum has come around and asked me if I want a cake baking. It’s my 39th birthday I said no then she proceeded to say you really should lose weight this year she always criticises me
about my weight every time I see her which is every week really for the children’s sake. I do love her and she does a lot for me but even on my birthday! For reference I am a size 14 and 5ft 4 so I am overweight. I do have young children so I’m not always able to fit excercise in like I could pre children. I was a size 10 before children. She’s around a 14-16 herself but she’s 5ft 6 so looks better than me and my weight holds around the stomach. I do want to lose weight it’s just upsetting that she’s had to bring it up on my birthday aswell.

I remember years ago on my birthday my mum was an absolute cow. My boys were very young and had made me the most over the top, squishiest, chocolate birthday cake ever. They very proudly brought it to the table and mother said " how's your diet wisteria?" If my children hadn't been there I think I would have lobbed the whole lot at her.
Not long after that I decided that life is too short and refused to see her anymore. She was furious, couldn't understand why and told anyone that would listen that I was deranged.

Every Asian person I’ve ever known has been obsessed with weight and also finds it totally normal to comment on people’s weight directly to their faces. Which is not ok in my opinion but I did always wonder if it was just a cultural thing and perfectly fine in Asia

Next time she says anything tell her you have bought a subscription to weight watchers/slimming World for both of you since she has had years more than you to lose weight and hasn't managed it!

Happy Birthday! 🎂
Your Mum is being a bit of a bitch, and is projecting her insecurities onto you. Enjoy your cake today, I’m sure your dress looks great and then think about a plan tomorrow if you want to loose weight to make YOURSELF happy. Stay hydrated :)

WTAF?? Nobody's fat on their birthday. Ignore her OP, it sounds like she's projecting.

It's not just Asia! I have friends from Brazil who are the same. And I know several Greek women (all pretty slim) whose mums are forever telling them they're fat and they should eat less. I think here we're quite unusual in generally not commenting on weight (which I'm relieved about!).

Happy Birthday, If you're happy thats all that counts.

My mum calls me fat or make reference to it everytime I see. Everytime. It's boring. I've aksed her not to and changed the subject countless times.

The other day I said, calling me fat for 50 years hasn't made me weigh less, so just stop and walked away.

Or "I will go on a diet and lose weight. What are you going to do to stop being so rude? Shall we do them together?"

Tell her 'Mum, I dont know why you are doing this, but you are not allowed to comment on my weight any more. It is hard enough to deal with without you shaming me about it. Whatever your intentions are, it is not helpful and needs to stop.'

Well she’s a peach isn’t she. I’d say that I’ll lose weight when you do. Once she gets down to say BMI of 22 I’d start trying to catch her up.

Had this crap growing up one of the reasons I went NC with my lot I won’t put up with it now.

No sarcastic retort, no taking swipes at her weight, no suggestions to diet together, definitely no ridiculous tinkly laugh, no ott threat to stop her seeing your children, just a very direct

"Why are you always commenting on my weight? It's rude, hurtful and I want you to stop immediately".

And the next time "as I said before... " and repeat.

This.

Does she say these things in front of your children? If so I'd point out that you've learnt how damaging constant body shaming and criticism of weight and shape and you will not allow your children to be exposed to the same.

Firstly - happy birthday!!!

Next, if she comments on you weight again say one thing to her, just one thing and then ask her to leave and when she is ready to apologise you'll be there, but not before.
The one thing you say to her is "Mum, it was my birthday and you passed comment on my weight, again. I'm possibly the one person that doesn't need to be reminded of my weight. Your repeated comments are both hurtful and annoying at this point. Now, I would like an apology for hurting my feelings on my birthday (and on countless other times) . If you can't bite your tongue on this matter, I want you to leave".

Stand up for all 5' 4" of yourself!!!

That doesn't give her carte blanche to be rude to you though.