To stop trying

[Disillusionaldewy]

Long back story and way to much history getting straight to the point without it all will say everything!
so long story short, DM sent some unnecessarily rude and wrongfully accusing messages one night after I told her I was unwell, these were read in preview and ignored as I was unwell, following morning these were deleted by DM then a message sent simply asking how a (financial) meeting went I had that day, no asking how I was, I replied with the fact the meeting never went ahead as I collapsed and was rushed to hospital on attending, only question was why! Which I had explained in first message before the deleted one! So I explained the situation had obviously worsened since the previous message and I was very unwell, response was when will meeting go ahead and what will happen financially! This is what I find unreasonable, I was only minutes before released from hospital and trying to arrange for someone to collect my DC from school and no offer of assistance or asking how I was, nothing after this until following day asking if I was now better and why I hadn’t done xyz… no concern over myself or how I was coping looking after the children whilst so unwell or any offers of help nothing! If my child had been in hospital and not contacted me I would be beside myself, I know I’m an adult with children myself but not even an offer to help with them nothing! Am I being unreasonable to think that this is wrong? I am an only child and I’m really not wanting to continue with this toxic relationship but want to know if it’s just me who thinks this is a step to far?

I imagine this is the tip of the iceberg to decades of tension, arguments and awful behaviour from your mother.

OP you have a nasty unsupportive mother.

But I suspect the two of you are utterly enmeshed and to a great extent you think you are reliant on her. So unrealistic of me to say just walk away.

what i would urge you to do as a matter of urgency is to get therapy and hopefully that might inspire you to make changes.

are you in a relationship? And have children?

Oh dear you do have children.

in that case op surely you can truly see how awful this behaviour is for aDM to treat their child.

Does your mother have much to do with your children? I wouldn’t want her to have any contact with them

That's awful op. Why is she so invested in your financial meeting when she's not concerned about you or her grandkids? Is it anything to do with her?

Oh and no yanbu to stop trying. You have enough to deal with.

Agree with everything @euff has said.

Therapy to vent in a safe place where no one will say 'oh but surely she didn't mean it like that' and will instead allow you to focus on how she makes you feel and why that is.

Life doesn't have to be the same from one year to the next. You can make small or big changes and while they may be difficult initially life does change for the better I promise. Spend a bit of time working on you first though because it sounds as though your self worth is in the bin (the fact that you're questioning if her behaviour is okay when it patently is bonkers) and it's much harder to make changes when you barely have the energy to stand up for yourself.

You deserve love. You deserve support. Your children deserve to see their mother being respected. Find other support - friends are the family we choose and all that.

Big hugs. I hope you feel better soon.