Office politics when leaving a job

[honeycookies]

My workplace is toxic, there’s a group of 5 bullies that rule the roost but the other dozen are okay-ish. I’ve been in the company for 5 years and tend to keep myself to myself as I’m left out of things socially. Most of my work friends have already left. I’m leaving next week.

since my notice period, there’s weird niceties between me and the people who remain - aibu to not know how to handle it?

I know we’re not going to keep in touch, and I’m under no disillusion that they’ll miss me, but I’m having people ask me to arrange a leaving do and almost seems like they’re feigning to show an interest and wanting to keep in touch? But I know they won’t actually come if I arranged a leaving do or stay in touch.

It’s awkward cause I did want to do something but only invite 2-3 people, but now I’m conscious of other people feeling left out. But at the same time, the people I might be leaving out have only just acknowledged my existence after ignoring me for ages

Also I’m moving to a desirable job and I’ve had the same people ask me to help them with their own job applications or try and get them a job on my team in my new role. I don’t know how to deal with the sudden change in behaviour because I don’t think anything will follow through!

Personally wouldn't do anything.

They've not been in your life or been nice prior to this so why try now? Hidden agenda.

Keep to the 2-3 people you wanted to do something with.

Take the moral high ground and be the bigger person.

Who knows when you might have to interact with them in the future.

If they choose not to come, you've got the outcome you want anyway.

I made this mistake only this week. Left a toxic job, horrible team who were frosty to me after I resigned but a few were not quite as bad so I asked them if they wanted to come for coffee/ cake on my last day. They said yes so I invited the others too.

Well they all baled out on the day with various excuses and I felt such an idiot. I just got my bag and coat and walked out the office without saying a word to anyone and never spoke to any of them again.

Don't be me!!

Why are you arranging your own leaving do? Surely they would organise something nice since they all of a sudden love you so much?

Just keep your head down and finish off work. Do something nice with 2/3 work friends you like and don’t lift a finger helping them get a better job.

Don’t have a leaving do. Leave then arrange to see the ones you actually plan on keeping in touch with.

Life’s too short for grimacing through the hell of a leaving do, thinking of better things you could have spent your money and time on.

Yes as above invite them all, if they won’t come then what have you to lose. I think if you will still be working in the same industry you might end up working with them again so just keep things on a friendly professional basis.
I don’t understand what help you would be to them in applying though, unless they mean talk them up to your new employer?

I left some where I liked working and asked people not to arrange a leaving do or collection.

People are skint atm, if you want to keep in contact you will.
Don't organise anything. You can leave on your terms.

Awww that sounds horrible, I’m sorry that happened! I feel like that will end up happening to me.

Everyone that left our workplace arranged their own thing, it’s a government department so company money can’t be used to fund this if that’s what you mean? No one’s ever had a surprise do arranged.

I think I’d feel embarrassed, honestly. It would cement my feelings of being left out…

They mean both, literally help them with the application form but also to hire them if roles come up in my new job as I may have influence over it.

How about you plan something like meet up at a leisure centre with cinema and other activities and built in cafes and restaurants- that way you can do an activity or go for a quieter drink/meal with those closer to you

Definitely actively help noone you consider toxic to get a job in your new place. That would be madness
(That sentence is double negatives, but I hope it makes sense!)
If you're asked, nod and say something vague.

Re your leaving do, arrange what you'd like with the people you like at a time and place that suits you and them, and invite wider if you feel you should, with no expectation the wider group will come.

Don't be actively nasty to anyone, cos who knows what the future holds or if your paths may cross again.
Be nice, be vague, and once you leave fade them out

P.s. congrats on new job and good luck with it