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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL birthday gift?

8 replies

gabrielless · 23/06/2023 12:20

MIL's birthday is in two weeks. I asked DH what we should get her, two years ago when our DS was born, we decided to buy presents as a family as oppose as individuals, which is what most couples do regardless.

He told me that he would be giving her £150since it's what she had asked for and didn't want any gift, to which I agreed and said I would get her a perfume on the side, because he would be happy to cover the £150. Since then she's texted him a few times asking how much he'll exactly be giving her. She no longer wanted the £150 she had asked for but said £300 on behalf of us both would be a better help for her and that way I wouldn't need to buy a separate gift.

Now, when DH asked what had happened to the change of ideas, she said she was in need of the money as she would be spending a lot splurging on her birthday party.

Is it unreasonable of me to think it's absurd to throw a massive party and waste so much if she's tight on money and expecting her gifts to cover the cost?

I think it's important to mention that we've got more family members born in the same month, so have 4 other gifts to add on top of this. We've also just moved into a house that is unfurnished and needs complete renovation. Our costs aren't exactly high, and I think she may be asking for a little much and that money is the only acceptable gift.

If you're not financially stable for a huge party why go all out and then ask for bigger gifts, when you're aware people are also struggling?

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 23/06/2023 12:24

YANBU, I've never known a grown adult ask for a specific amount of money from their children and I law, is she asking for £150 a piece from both of you?

I've gifted 4 figures to Family before but that was at my discretion not a request.
She sounds grabby and frankly shit with money.

What are you going to do?

MinnieGirl · 23/06/2023 12:39

I would buy a very small token gift such as a mug or a book she wanted. No way would I be giving MiL £150 and perfume… what a greedy woman!

gabrielless · 23/06/2023 19:25

TomatoSandwiches · 23/06/2023 12:24

YANBU, I've never known a grown adult ask for a specific amount of money from their children and I law, is she asking for £150 a piece from both of you?

I've gifted 4 figures to Family before but that was at my discretion not a request.
She sounds grabby and frankly shit with money.

What are you going to do?

i'm going to continue with the perfume idea, DH can continue to go ahead with his £150 if he wants, but i'm sticking with a perfume.

OP posts:
EMUKE · 19/02/2024 23:58

These MIL, they take advantage and get away with it wowzers. That taking family money away from you! I’d hold off on anything for and sign your name in the card. Who does she think she is…

GreyhpundGirl · 20/02/2024 08:18

Asking for money as a gift and specifying a large amount is, to use Mumsnet parlance, pure CF territory.

Daffodilsandsunshine · 20/02/2024 08:23

Is it a "big" birthday (hence a big family party) or just a regular birthday? Are DHs siblings paying as well?
Anyways perfume and cash is plenty!

2dogsandabudgie · 20/02/2024 08:28

How much do you normally spend on birthdays? We would only spend about £20 on my MIL, maybe slightly more depending on the gift. I don't think I've ever been asked for money as a present apart from a wedding we went to.

Tourmalines · 20/02/2024 08:47

EMUKE · 19/02/2024 23:58

These MIL, they take advantage and get away with it wowzers. That taking family money away from you! I’d hold off on anything for and sign your name in the card. Who does she think she is…

You mean THAT Mil . Don’t generalise all MiL the same . In my case , I’m the one giving the most ,birthdays and Christmas. And I’m the MIL . And no , I don’t ask for anything.

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