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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find people really odd at times ?

17 replies

MonkeyDoodles · 22/06/2023 22:41

Got on well with a work colleague and when I left she wrote me a lovely card and I felt sure we would stay close for a long time to come.
She seemed odd a few days before that but I didn't really think much of it. Almost a bit annoyed kind of thing.
Anyway after 3 months of me leaving had not heard anything from her so was surprised to find a text from her but was quite short just asking me how everything was going. I replied saying really well, and then, nothing ever since.
I didn't overestimate how much I meant to her so I don't really understand what's happened. Aibu to be a bit confused ? She's not on FB where I communicate with my other ex colleagues and means you keep in touch in a very natural way.

OP posts:
soapysu · 22/06/2023 22:42

Unusual, maybe she was hoping to hear from your earlier

Changeforachange · 22/06/2023 22:45

People are totally weird, especially work colleagues.

That said, it's an odd situation of being thrown together 38 hours a week (or whatever) and when someone leaves that person you spent days, weeks, years with just disappears... except for odd FB posts or whatever.

I changed jobs very recently after 10 years & hardly think about them at all!

Whenwillitallmakesense · 22/06/2023 23:30

This sounds eerily familiar to another post a while ago.

So during those 3 months when she didn't contact you, had you contacted her?

When she did text you and asked you how things are and you replied 'really well', did you ask her how she was? Enquire about her life? Try carry on the conversation? Suggest a catch up?

You felt you were going to be close for a very long time but because she's not on FB, that went out the window?

UsingChangeofName · 22/06/2023 23:31

I don't think it is weird.
Very normal, once you leave a workplace for the workplace friendships not to continue.

Re the text, could be one of a number of reasons....... she was scrolling through her phone and just thought it would be nice to ask if you were okay...... or maybe someone mentioned you at work today....... or maybe she had a piece of cake that was always your favourite and it reminded her of you.......

BigLicks · 22/06/2023 23:32

Could she have been waiting to hear from you ?

Probationnotontarget · 22/06/2023 23:32

If a friendship means something, you make the effort - generic posts in FB is not effort.

Sunshineandchill · 23/06/2023 07:49

Yes very weird YANBU
I had this with a work colleague, she was saying about us going on holiday together and then I just sent her a text one day asking how she was and she said I don’t know what you mean? I’m like, what the hell was that all about, was it just her bragging about where she was on holiday that she tried to get across? At the age of 51 I have given up with people now, just continuous disappointments, I have animals instead 😀ok they don’t say much, but you can’t have it both ways!

SilenceOfTheGoats · 23/06/2023 09:34

You don't seem to have kept in touch with her either - it's a 2 way street.

Bambooflowers · 23/06/2023 09:36

I don’t get why folks think it’s weird. It reads like she left and you didn’t contact her at all, and when she reached out to you, you gave her a short abrupt reply of all well thanks, nothing more. I don’t get why she’s in the wrong?

DilemmaADay · 23/06/2023 10:26

@Bambooflowers
I don’t get why folks think it’s weird. It reads like she left and you didn’t contact her at all, and when she reached out to you, you gave her a short abrupt reply of all well thanks, nothing more. I don’t get why she’s in the wrong?

Definitely, this was the vibe I was getting too.if anything, she's probably confused that you've suddenly gone cold on her.

bananaboats · 23/06/2023 10:30

I think its pretty normal when your no longer working together to not keep in touch tbh.

Lemonyyy · 23/06/2023 12:15

Well it doesn’t sound like you’ve been banging down her door - why is the onus solely on her to stay in touch??

Whenwillitallmakesense · 23/06/2023 12:39

Guys, this has been posted about before, exact same story. I can't find the thread though, but if I remember correctly OP basically said something along the lines of 'no, I didn't ask how she was, she hadn't contacted me for 3 months'.

I doubt this OP will come back again

readbooksdrinktea · 23/06/2023 12:43

You could have contacted her too. Anyway, often work friends are just that. Once you leave, the friendship stops after a while or isn't the same. That's normal.

Coffeetree · 23/06/2023 12:51

Someone once told me that when people know they're about to be separated, they make up reasons to fall out. It's a subconscious way of trying to make the separation easier. I've seen it happen a lot in jobs--might explain why she was off with you right before you left.

If you're really missing her and want to catch up, tell her so!

iceoverhills · 23/06/2023 13:00

You could have contacted her during that time.

ManateeFair · 23/06/2023 13:23

I didn't overestimate how much I meant to her

Yes you did.

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