Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly sick of toxic year 5 friendships?

30 replies

JudgingJudysGarlands · 22/06/2023 22:04

Listening to the way DS's friends speak and act towards him, I'm just so fed up of them all (including DS). The silly games, making up lies to tell parents/teachers about each other, threatening that they won't be friends anymore if they can't get their own way. The manipulation and constant picking of sides, one of them always being targeted.

Is this really what friendships are like now? It makes me mad because it all just seems so toxic.

I've just reached a point where I definitely don't want another eight years of this going into secondary school. I can't even think about year 6 without dreading another year of this.

However, then I think, even if he did move schools - will he just meet more 'friends' like this??

OP posts:
Daisy03 · 22/06/2023 22:06

This is what year 5s are like, it's a horrible year group with hormones kicking in and them beginning to push boundaries

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 22/06/2023 22:08

I'm struggling to understand the dynamic of some year 4 girls - there seems to be a very 'mean girls' vibe, something I wasn't expecting until teenage years.

Parent support at the school has said it's the same thing year in, year out. Year 4 seems to be a problematic time for the female friendships

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 22/06/2023 22:10

Yes, I agree with Daisy, Y5 is awful! Dc2's cohort were particularly awful (very boy heavy year) but dc1's was full of constant friendship drama & it's been the same with dc3 this year too. It's hormones, realising a big change is in the horizon just over a year from now, thinking they know more than they do & so on. I'm already dreading dc4 then 5 reaching this age.

Uurrjb · 22/06/2023 22:10

yr 9 has to be the worst…full on hormones, everything seems to be be on max power and everything is utterly exhausting trying to be a stable and rational parent…going through my third

cadetmumstress · 22/06/2023 22:10

Is it online? I've found nastiness in WhatsApp groups to be a big problem for my current year 6 child's cohort where it wasn't for my older one who didn't have smartphone access at the same age.
I gave in to the smartphone demands earlier with this child due to the pandemic / wanting to keep in touch with school friends and wish I hadn't. They're not mature enough to navigate an online presence at this age. The children are so nasty in a way that I'm sure they wouldn't be if their only contact was face to face.

TheHennaHairedHarridan · 22/06/2023 22:10

I have a child in year 5 and they aren't like you describe. There do seem to be more friendship issues than previous years, which I think is due to their age and hormones as @Daisy03 says, but they are still basically lovely children who look out for each other. So it might be worth moving schools if your ds is unhappy and moving is an option.

TheHennaHairedHarridan · 22/06/2023 22:12

Mine is a girl if that makes a difference (although has a mixed friendship group of girls and boys), most of them have phones now but no WhatsApp groups.

FiddleFigs · 22/06/2023 22:14

@aperolspritzbasicbitch - experiencing similar with my DD. Halfway through Y4 it all turned from sweet collaborative friendships to “mean girls” drama, and it’s exhausting. Fortunately the classes are being mixed going into Y5, which hopefully means a cleanish slate starting the new year.

Crumbcatcher · 22/06/2023 22:14

I think it's always been this way. I'm in my 40s and remember primary school teachers calling us "4th year-ish" (year 6) meaning getting too big for our boots, pushing boundaries etc.

cansu · 22/06/2023 22:15

They are often like this. I would prioritise encouraging children to have a wide circle of friends both in and outside school. Keep them off social media as long as possible. Try not to overreact. Encourage your kids to make choices to move away from friendships that are problematic.

movein · 22/06/2023 22:17

year 5 = hideous. They dynamics change, they’re fed up with each other, horrible. Year 8 &9 are also fairly dreadful but it tends to settle in year 10.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 22/06/2023 22:17

@FiddleFigs it's exhausting just listening to it. I actually have to listen, and then send her to her dad for advice, as I'm quite happy to cut everyone and anyone out, so she needs a more balanced approach 🤣
Was also told that they find stronger friendship foundations from year 5 onwards, but this thread is making me wonder if that was me being given false hope!

elderflowerandpomelo · 22/06/2023 22:18

Yr 5 has been bad for all of mine. Yr 6 good. Yr 7 transition dramas. Year 8 and 9 mixed. Better after that!

yr 5 the worst by far…

Hankunamatata · 22/06/2023 22:18

Tbh issues seem to be girl drama in dc upper primary. The boys just tend to still be playing tag and running games. Mine arnt allowed what's app until high school after seeing the drama year after year in primary

Original poster
JudgingJudysGarlands · 22/06/2023 22:18

I have told DS to just ignore the baiting for him to have a reaction.

He doesn't have WhatsApp but does online gaming with friends from school. Today I have blocked them from contacting him and told him I didn't want him talking to them outside of school, as it just means the toxic feeling is 24/7. I was surprised as he actually didn't seem to mind.

OP posts:
Elvis1956 · 22/06/2023 22:21

Wow things have changed since the 70/80s. Mates would be awful. Really vicious with the lies take...but always had my back. This was the case till I moved away age 23

EmmiJay · 22/06/2023 22:36

Good Lord! My DD is rounding up yr 4, and I'm reeling. I had to ask her, "Who are you talking to?!" today for the first time ever. Her tone has changed. Her tongue is vicious. I just know it's all coming from the playground. I hate it! One part of me says, "Yay, she's growing up and can probably handle her own," and the other half is saying, "Don't rise to it...don't rise to it..😮‍💨" I'm not okay!

Coffeeisnecessary · 22/06/2023 22:43

I've not seen that at all I'm year 5, my second is just coming to the end of year 5, although he is a younger one in the year so maybe that is why we've avoided this so far?! I thought year 8-9 were the worst!!

Carouselfish · 22/06/2023 22:47

Y3 girls seem pretty bloody bad. Manipulating each other, chinese burns, lies, attitude. Dreading it getting worse.

BlueAndGreen89 · 22/06/2023 22:52

I never enjoyed teaching Year 5, so much time taken up with conflict resolution, and it’s deeply unpleasant and exhausting. They’re generally so much better by Year 6! But that year group is notoriously difficult. I’m dreading it with my DC because DS is in a lovely class currently with great friends and I don’t want that to change. DD is already in a tricky class.

KingTriton · 22/06/2023 22:54

My son has had a rough year with friendships and kids being shitty, falling out, running to tell the teacher at any opportunity. This is girls and boys. It's exhausting for him and me.

He's just finishing year 3 and now I'm dreading Y4 and Y5.

Cheztwix · 22/06/2023 23:00

I am seeing this too op and it’s horrible. Most of the kids were nice last year. There’s been a big change. It’s made worse by the fact that my ds is autistic and often oblivious to people treating him like shit. They do it in front of my face, nerves of steel.

Return2thebasic · 23/06/2023 11:17

My Y5 DS is still playing tag and running games, never felt tired of it. I haven't heard much drama about his friendship or any of those boys have issues. But he has ADHD and tend to not think much about people dynamic. Maybe there's issue, but he's not picking it up.

They had lots of mild bullying problem in early years, some would be mean and targeting a particular child. But that's been resolved over year.

Some kids have phones because they walk to school/ home alone. There's apparently a WhatsApp group and they got themselves in big trouble because of some inappropriate images/contents have been distributed within that group. The head had made a big deal, sending letters out to all KS2 and have a meeting with parents. We don't know the details, as not involved. But from what happened, it was made very clear what's not acceptable.

We don't plan to give ds smart phy, or at least disable all inappropriate apps. No social media will be allowed until as late as possible. The boys do play games online together. But we don't have a console and DS plays online on PC which doesn't have a mass to interact among his peers.

It's difficult. I'm wondering how protective we shall be and how much or how soon we shall let him be on his own feet for certain things. But from all that I read, social media is absolutely a red flag at this age. Too much impulse and still too vulnerable. Lack of good judgement and easily get swayed. But I can't see these improve until after 18 years old or even late 20s.

What kind of culture the school is promoting matters immensely. The boundary in school and behaviour expectations have a huge impact on children, even for those naughtiest. But these need to be started from a very young age and stay persistent in terms of teaching them what's right and what's wrong.

CalistoNoSolo · 23/06/2023 11:55

I don't recognise this at all from DD's school. But her school have a zero tolerance attitude to bullying and a very good pastoral side, which I think is key here.

Mary46 · 23/06/2023 12:28

What age group op. Felt for my daughter in secondary (group of 3 girls) didnt want her walking with them. I told her just go yourself. Age 12 then. Big fallout. Girls are shocking at times.