If you have therapy, did you ever struggle with feeling vulnerable?

[Fullcupoftea]

Maybe struggling is the wrong word exactly, but I'm having difficulty putting my finger on what I'm trying to articulate.

My therapist is good, very kind and very professional. I think going to therapy is helping me, awesome.

But - I'm about six sessions in and now starting to feel uncomfortably vulnerable and a bit...silly?! Almost embarrassed and self conscious?

It's like there is a surprising amount of emotional intimacy that I have no template for because the therapy relationship is very different to personal relationships with family and friends.

I'm aware of transference. It's not erotic transference, and I'm reasonably sure it's not maternal transference either because I definitely don't wish the therapist was my mum. Though I am in therapy because of painful issues around my mother.

What is my confused brain doing, any ideas? Has anyone else experienced any similar confusing feelings of awkwardness and vulnerability in therapy?

It's like therapists can see into your soul when you talk to them openly and bluntly, it's abit unnerving

It can ALL show up. That's the point. I think I've had responses to my therapist that come from relationships I've had, ones I never had but needed, ones I've lost, fantasy ones... It's excruciating at first. But in the end I reached a point where I mostly accepted it all, saw it all for what it was, and understood myself better. Now, when things arise in my life, I have more awareness of what's going on in me, and what is right for me.

Stick with it, OP.

Literally every single time. I feel weird and silly and pathetic and stupid.

She's helped me recover from my issue within 6 months (severe ED - from no food to eating almost normally).

But I feel stupid, fake, silly, vulnerable, like I want to lie, like I want to trick her. I often feel like I dread going.

That sounds really, really hard @Polik I can't imagine having to do any of this stuff as part of the conditions for my job. Adds a whole other layer of pressure to it.

Massive respect to you for the work you do protecting kids, that must be so difficult, but so needed.

So interesting that you took safe topics to discuss. I think that sounds very healthy as a way of protecting yourself from being overwhelmed too quickly. This stuff is hard and everyone needs to go at their own pace.