Arrghh what do I do?

[Justfeckoffwiththeovulating]

Serious crush at work.
I'm not attached, neither is he.
Deep down I don't think he's interested. No real signs apart from office chit chat. He is very reserved. Doesn't always reply to my emails.
He is leaving the workplace next week.
Do I do something crazy like write a note and attach it to a mars bar (his vending machine usual)?
I was thinking of saying 'I have never done something like this before but do you want to go for a walk sometime? Here's my number, please don't reply if you're not interested, I would be mortified' but I want to put something in about him not giving me any signs that he is interested incase he goes to his new role thinking he's done something wrong!
Part of me thinks it is super weird and cringey but part of me thinks what do I have to lose?
Honestly this is so embarrassing, feel like 15 year old me trying to decide how to write out my unrequited love's Christmas card to portray the right amount of coolness and desperation.

Missing the point here but is a Mars bar of some significance? Most people I know don't like Mars bars. Now if someone put a snickers down.. that would get me Interested.

Anyway - I don't know what the best way or vehicle is but I would definitely do something. Don't let the opportunity pass you by. If you don't have the nerve then are you in the type of job where you are ok Linked in? You could wait until he starts new job and message him on there. Potentially a bit easier? A coffee or something?

Something about the "I've never done this before" makes "do you want to go for a walk" sound like an indecent proposal 😅

I think "I don't normally ask people out but do you want to meet up sometime" sounds better.

If he's leaving I don't think it matters too much if you're not convinced he's interested. Nothing ventured nothing gained!

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit it's his vending machine choice of snack. I'd much prefer a Snickers or 3 myself

I invited my crush to my works leaving do. We’ve been married 10 years! Go for it and good luck!

The thing about us introverted nerdy types, is that we never tell anyone how we feel.

You may be attracting all kinds of nerdy men, but you'll have no clue because the only external sign is that you're looking lovingly at you when you're not looking.

So if you want one, you're going to have to be the one that initiates it. And do it in person, if you do something like leave a note or text then he's probably going to procrastinate over replying for weeks until it's too late.

Trust me, DP had to initiate our first three dates before I got up the courage to text her back!

This notes on Mars bars all sounds a bit like middle school.
couldn’t you not just ask him out for a drink ?

Just a simple conversation of,

"Good luck with your new job, you've got my number if you want to keep in touch."

If he hasn't hit your number then he'll ask for it. If he doesn't ask, he isn't interested.

@EllaRaines he's so shy I don't think he'd ask, he'd just nod.

You put it down to him being really shy and move on happy in the knowledge that you gave it a try and it wasn't meant to be.

Would he be horrified though? At just the mention of a possible meet up?!

Go for it!
I once sent my work crush an email last thing on my last day, unlike some of the others here nothing did happen but I’m still glad I did it, looking back now I have zero regrets I gave it a go. Otherwise I would have always wondered…
I think the nice simple messages asking to catch up with your number are the best way to go, I like the idea of leaving it on a Mars bar.
Good luck! 🤞🏻🍀

@DancingFlamingo the worry with the email is my company is super strict and I don't want to be pulled up on some sexual harassment/ conduct thing. I think they'd go to town on me to show that they're treating me as equal to a man that did the same (they're like that)

If he really is so shy that he is likely to just "nod" rather than respond verbally, this sort of extreme shyness may not make for a great date!

He's showing no inclination that he's interested. All you can say is, "Sorry you're leaving, keep in touch" and leave it at that. If he wants to keep in touch, he will. If he doesn't, he won't. But just a warning, if he was interested, he would definitely be answering your emails.

Honestly, as mortifying as you think it might be if he's not up for it (it won't be), I can guarantee that wistfully wondering what might have been will be far worse!

Think about what you'd say to your kid if they were too scared to go for something...you'd encourage it all the way, I'd imagine.

You have literally nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Good luck!

Saying "I'm sorry you're leaving. Do you want to meet up sometime" is not harassment.

Right, I think the Mars Bar idea is excellent, OP. You could add "..........or go for coffee" to the going for a walk suggestion.

If I hadn't asked my husband on our second date I don't think there would have been one!

Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns.
DH was amused when I handed him a quiz which was based on our favourite books (Jeeves & Wooster) and at the end I added "...................and question six is, do you want to go out for another drink on Sunday?"

Reader, I married him.

Maybe not, if the company is strict about this.

I'm really invested in this now, OP.

I was wondering if the Mars Bar was a reference to the Marianne Faithful myth… I’ll grab my coat.

Do it! I live in regret of never having acted on a work crush / office mates thing.

‘I’m going to miss seeing you around here, here’s my number- let me know if you’d like to catch up sometime’

job done.

Maybe just say you're sorry to see him go and see about being facebook friends? That way, with him being an introvert type, it might be easier over messages and you can suss him out more that way over interest levels. It could be that he just doesn't realise you're interested "that way" and it might make you appear more on his radar. Still, the Mars Bar is a fun idea, though if you're feeling brave. You could just chuck it at him and run .. lol.

So just to clarify, we work in different departments, no joint working so to speak but we communicate with eachother. If he needs some information he will always contact me, rather than others in my department. However, there's always a sort of lingering point where I think (wishful thinking probably) he wants to say something else.
Once we were stuck together in an awkwardly small space waiting for something (meeting to start/phone call?) not sure and he randomly started doing press ups on the floor. I have no idea what that meant. However I am also awkward and hyper and so that behaviour isn't strange to me as I have a lot of excess energy. Once he bumped into me whilst I was running boxes back and forth from reception to the back of the building, there was no reason for me to be doing that but I told him I liked the excuse to move about and burn off energy. So I think we have that in common.

If you know he isn't interested and has given you zero vibes that he is, then why would you try anything and make yourself a fool. Not sure why other posters are encouraging you to?

Sorry, the press up story has just given me the ick on your behalf