To be worried it’s going to be horrible

[Icecolddrink]

Due no 2 in the next 2/3 weeks, no1 is two and a half and in a real ‘no’ phase. No he doesn’t want a bath, no he doesn’t want to go in his car seat, no drink, no yoghurt, no mummy, no daddy.

No2 will be a newborn (of course) so up all through the night then no1 wakes between 5 and 6, generally a little closer to 5.

Worried how I’ll cope. I know people do but then … how …

I think that a sling and an audiobook to drown out the Nos help a bit.

Try and turn your older one into a special helper for the baby and always big up how much the baby loves them and likes watching them. It gets a bit easier once the younger one is 3/4 months and taking more of an interest in the world.

It is possible to breastfeed and help build a train set at the same time. Really, it is.

Also - remember the tough times will pass.

Thank god it’s not just us! It is a phase, one of many, and at least he’s verbal ish and can let me know what he wants. I think it’s just a particularly obstinate sort of stage, he is wanting to assert his own independence and personality.

@Hardbackwriter its really reassuring you’ve said that. I’m keeping DS at nursery for three days a week which I think will be a big help, if only because I won’t have to feed him on those days! It’s more the sleep or lack of that I worry about. I can manage reasonably well at the moment with an early riser but an early riser with disturbed nights could be a killer 😩

'a lovely close age gap which will pay off in the future'
HAHAHA HAHA. No.

23 months between mine and they can't stand each other.

@Leastsaidsoonestscrewed 17 months between mine and they're best friends, but it is different for every family! I would say don't assume they'll be close and don't assume they'll fight.

Have you tried giving choices? Bath or straight to bed? Or tying it in with something he really wants to do like shall we red your favourite book after your bath?

Remember its only going to be a bit rubbish for a few short months...there is world of difference between a 2.5 year old, who can't talk in sentences or go to the toilet by themselves yet, and a 3 year old who can ride a scooter, have a proper conversation and do things like go in on their own at swimming lessons.

Lastly...I coped with bribery (favourite tv shows etc) and putting the toddler in nursery full time when the baby was really small as they didn't sleep and I was too tired to cope with both

I was worried about this - 3.5 year age gap and a headstrong early riser. Don't discount the possibility that the baby stage may be much easier the second time around. We are 6 months in now and it was unimaginably easier than the pregnancy for me and DC2 just liked to sleep and still does. I think it's mostly luck whether baby is a sleeper or not but you could be lucky. You never know. You'll deal with whatever comes and I'm sure will do it admirably.

Can your husband not do the early mornings with the toddler? That’s what mine has done since we had our second and then third…

I’ve got an 20m old and a 3m old.

Honestly you just manage. I worried so much about this, but you get into a little routine and all is fine. Sleep is a thing of the past though sadly!

I have 5 DSs and 1 DSS I think it will do your DS a world of good to be the older brother . Take the focus away from being completely on him .Maybe even some little responsibility fetching nappies and stuff ? I think it'll be alot better than your expecting. I hope so anyway !

Ah thanks … hoping I am blessed with a sleeper, this one does seem a tad calmer in the womb than DS was, if that is indicative of anything!

@Hampshiremum2 it depends, honestly. Some days yes but if he’s got an early start at work no, and if the toddler is in an especially mulish sort of mood it is just ‘no daddy!’ (Or no mummy … which is when I inwardly go yesss and roll over …)

It's about finding your groove when you have two tiny ones!

After my husband went back to work it was full on and chaotic for a bit, but very quickly settled down.

Your toddler will change quickly too. Throughout pregnancy my toddler was doing 5 am wakes. But now she wakes between 7:30 and 9:00. Me and the baby wait around for her to wake 😂
Start pushing bedtime back now so their in a new sleep rhythm for the time little one gets here.

Two tiny ones is hard but absolutely incredible. So. So lovely and amazing to watch your eldest grow and develop into a big sibling.

Well I’m mad and have 3 but 2 close in age like you mention. Was so worried about my daughter being even harder work but she’s been amazing and at now nearly 5 months old we are definitely in our routine and the worry seems like a distant memory. Although definitely if you have nursery or preschool etc utilise that where you can. My eldest is school age and my 2.5 year old going to preschool 2 days a week has meant there are times I can still sleep or catch up on stuff while baby sleeps! It’ll be great! Good luck x

IME OP you are in the worst bit right now, for 3 reasons:

1. Parenting a toddler and a new born is far, far,far easier than parenting toddler heavily pregnant
2. DM told me this- he is worried about you, he doesn't understand how the baby is going to get out, he doesn't want to share you. Once the baby is here he will relax.
3. People will rally round at the minimum your DH will have a few days at home helping you find your feet.

Good luck

Have 3 - 3 years between the first two, then 2 between middle and last. Inevitably for years there was a big gap in understanding between youngest and oldest. They are all the most fabulous chatty supportive team now in their 20s. You have to buckle in for the long run....and also it's down to luck.

I definitely found toddler and newborn easier than toddler and heavily pregnant. I used a fabric wrap around the house so was hands free and could give toddler lots of attention. Basket of exciting toys and stickers etc for when feeding baby or getting them down to nap. Make a big deal about big kid time when babys napping. Nap on the days toddler is in nursery and let DH deal with the house. It's definitely tough but it's doable.

I had a 2.5 year old when DC2 was born (at the start of bloody lockdown and no nurseries), it was tough but you will survive (I went on to have DC3 18 months later so it can’t have been all bad). The lack of sleep was really hard at first but we split the nightshift, one of us would have DC2 in the spare room. After his paternity leave finished I would go to bed 8-12 and then DH would go to bed 12-6 and if he had a later start or on the weekend I could go back to bed for a couple of hours. Getting a decent chunk at first really helped.

As it’s warm weather get outside as much as possible to tire the older one out. Get a buggy board if you haven’t got a double buggy but if you’ve got a double buggy and DC1 still naps then try and time it so they can both nap in the buggy and you can get out and have a walk and a tea in peace. I always felt less tired after that, the mental break from them helped.

Messy play activities for in the garden. These kept DC1 entertained for ages and I could just sit for a bit. We got a tuff tray but a sand and water table worked just as well with the messy play stuff inside, you can find loads of ideas on Pinterest but crazy foam soap is a big hit with my DC.

Playgroups, I had an 18 month age gap with DC2&3 and they have saved my sanity some days. Just having other toys and children to distract DC2 and you haven’t got to be chasing after them like at a soft play.

I remember being sat on the bathroom floor crying to DH that DC1 wanted me to bath them and DC2 needed feeding and I was failing them both. Until he pointed out I could just feed DC2 at the same time. Go easy on yourself in the early days, post pregnant hormones are tough enough without adding a toddler on top.