Horse problem

[Horseandponyanddonkey]

posting on here rather than tack room as I wanted to reach some ex horsey people too

I purchased my dream horse 1 year ago now. She is a fantastic mare in every way and I can’t explain how much she means to me

but I’ve had a massive change in my circumstances recently and can’t ride very much at the moment. I feel so conflicted- on one hand I’ll always love horses, showjumping and everything about being an equestrian but on the other hand I’m fed up with it all and the stress it brings particularly at a time when I already have stress from other things. To be completely honest I’m sick of the people (not necessarily at my yard but just in general!) and the constant bitching that comes with the horse world, and I’m sick of being tired and sweaty and smelly all the time. None of that bothered me before but now with the other changes in my life it’s all too much.

But I’m so scared to quit and sell my horse. I love her so much and I don’t know if these changes are temporary so I’m scared to sell her and then regret it in the future.

has anyone else been in a similar position? I was thinking of loaning her out but I’ve never loaned out any of my horses before and don’t have any experience of it or where to start.

on one hand my life as it is right now would be much easier without horses but on the other hand I would be so miserable without being an equestrian and I don’t know if my changes right now are just going to be a temporary thing

I just really don’t know what to do and I’m eating myself up with worry about it all x

Find someone to ride her for you? I had horses for 40 years and sold my last one a few years ago, had a break and am now starting to ride for other people again. I get the best of both worlds - no financial commitment and two nice horses to ride whenever I like, and the owners get their horses exercised for free. I found one on my local Facebook page and the other through the owner of the first horse.

I loaned mine out once - never again! She came back within a week, lame and completely wired!

My daughter and I have been looking for a loan/share for a while, and I would recommend looking into that before selling, I see lots of people who are obviously very competent riders, often having studied something equine or animal related at college or uni, so it seems you could find a trustworthy share if you spend a bit of time looking. That could take the pressure off without being too final.
We joined a Facebook group for horses to share or loan locally.

Our circumstances are different in that we had two ponies and my daughter didn't have time to ride both of them, but we didn't want to give up control of what happens to our pony on a full loan. So we advertised for sharers on Facebook and Preloved and (after a few nutters who came for try outs) found lovely sharers who did all the riding and mucking out, but we still kept an eye on what they were doing as the pony remained at our yard. Would that be an option?

You could try doing a part loan? I did them all through my teens and early twenties as I couldn’t afford my own horse and I loved them like they were my own.

That way your horse gets ridden 3/4 times a week, you get some financial help, but also she remains at your yard and you still see her the rest of the week (rather than a full loan and not knowing what’s happening).

you could try doing word of mouth first and see if anyone at your yard knows someone looking for a part loan. Then maybe try a local FB group. Just make sure you get the person as much as possible (watch them for a day to make sure they know what they’re doing).

If you're anywhere near North London, I can highly recommend one of the sharers we had. She was a very competent teenager, very conscientious and just lovely.

Another suggestion: would you feel differently if you moved your mare to a less bitchy livery yard where you could get more support and where horsey stuff could be fun again? From my experience, the environment of the livery yard can make all the different. Best of luck to you and your beloved mare whatever you decide!

Do those places exist? 😭 Horsey are usually not the nicest people

Sharer? Or find somewhere else to keep her - perhaps a small yard with just 2 or 3 people (they do exist) where you'd have no pressure on you.

I hate yards, I like doing my own thing so being with only one or two others is much easier.

Find a good loaner. We have a loan pony and are I think good loaners. Constant pics of pony and the owners come and visit every few weeks.
I guess not every loaner is reliable , but they do exist!

The only way to get rid of the stress is to sell her, tough though that is. I used to have horses and honestly life is much easier without. If you loan her out it will still be on you if something goes wrong and she needs vets etc. The people loaning if they can't ride her will send her straight back.

That said I've definitely been on yards that aren't bitchy.

the problem is even with non-bitchy yards eventually a single arsehole joins and the atmosphere changes. I guess I am one of your “ex-horsey” people. I love horses and they were a massive part of my life. I am now ex because after I lost my last horse I promised I wouldn’t get another until I had the time and money to do it 100% on my own- own a field and small stable block and not have to be beholden to anyone else.

my advice would probably be to loan your horse out and give yourself a break.

We used to have horses, I was obsessed with them since I was tiny. I loved having them, but one got very poorly and had to be PTS which was horribly traumatic for me. The second one was rehomed to a lovely lady when we could no longer carry on, my mum was diagnosed with Parkinsons and I was working full time and also starting to have health issues of my own.

I will always be a horsey person, but I don't miss owning my own horse any more as they are sooo much hard work and I already have more than enough on my plate.

I'm not a horsey person but why don't you give yourself a specific amount of time to consider. Say 3 months. In that time you investigate options. Never make a decision out of despair, which may be fleeting

Another advocate for sharing, I've shared a number of horses and it works really well. Horse stays on the yard and you have a set number of days a week and a financial contribution. Mostly the owners were flexible and the days were changeable. I wouldn't loan to anyone unless I knew the other person well.

Don't loan her out to stay at a different yard. One of mine was stolen and went missing this way! I only found out the woman had sold my mare about a year later. When I eventually traced the horse she had been pased on 2 or 3 times but was so settled with the family he had ended up with that I decided to leave her there, but lesson learnt!

In your position I wouldn't sell. What type of facilities do you actually need? Could you rent a field and set up a field shelter and just do hacks etc? I find that set up way more relaxing and enjoyable than busy competition yards with unwanted opinions flying around on everything you do or don't do.

Do you have any horsey friends who might field share with you? Perhaps take turns doing stuff to get a few days off each?

Could you afford to put her on full or part livery to ease how much work she is if you can't move her?

I wouldn't sell a solid horse that I loved because of a few possibly temporary setbacks.

Could you loan her to a good riding school or horsey college?

My daughter put her horse on loan a total of 3 years while at uni. It worked out fine. We carefully vetted the loaner & her set up & checked him regularly. It can work. We used a BHS contract, kept his insurance paid up (just in case, never had to claim). Got references also. My only general advice is get a competent rider, but also someone who is not going to do too much. That way horse is kept ticking over, but not over-used. Also, be ready for loaner to end the contract. We had 3 in all, two of which lasted slightly less than one year. After uni, he came back & my daughter had many years of competing him.

She’s on full livery atm at a fantastic yard (wouldn’t want to change) so was considering getting a part loaner so I could still ride occasionally but even if I can’t she will still be in a decent amount of work. Would anyone be able to share how much they charge or pay for a loan horse? The loaner wouldn’t have to do anything yard chore wise as we are full livery. They have access to a full XC course , off road hacking track, showjumping arena, schooling arena and dressage arena and my horse is fully tacked. I have no idea how much would be an ok amount to charge as I have 0 experience in loaning at all!

thanks for all the help so far and thanks in advance for anymore help x

Our sharer paid £25 per day but it sounds like your set-up is much better so you'd probably want to charge more.

I packed in a couple of years ago after having horses all my life. TBH.. haven't missed it at all!!

It's just all so much hassle, expense and stress.

honestly... ex owner here - sell!

Life is too short for the stress and money - you can always buy another horse one day?