Sex with dh has never felt natural to me. I suspect it's mainly down to our age gap (him 49 and me 35) and the fact he has to take viagra for ED. He never actually told me this at the start, I just found the packets by accident so we already started on secrecy and poor communication.
Sex is good but the same routine every time. Because of the ED issues we also have to schedule it in which rules out any spontaneity. Admittedly with work and two young kids the opportunities for spontaneous sex are few and far between anyway! But when it does come around it's almost one of us awkwardly suggesting 'shall we you know then' and it just feels a bit staged and doesn't seem to flow naturally.
He doesn't like to talk about it much, I'm presuming because he feels embarrassed or inadequate which I've tried to reassure him about. In every other way he is open, loving, supportive and I adore him and am very comfortable with him. I don't know why there is this invisible barrier and awkwardness surrounding sex.
I have to admit that im not the most sexually confident person either. Lots of body image issues, a few harsh comments from exes and just a general lack of self esteem mean that I've always preferred partners to take the lead in these situations and I guess he is maybe the same.
I do think he still masturbates and that makes me feel like shit although I get it's different to sex with the pressure to please and perform for someone else. I just wish we could have a bit more fun with it and for him to be a bit more open. I remember once sending him some saucy texts at the start of the relationship and never got anything back so felt a bit of a fool. It's things like that that keep the spark alive though I think.
Any tips of how to improve this would be great. I sometimes think he's just not that bothered...