AIBU to not like a works do?

[Nicflowers82]

Is it an age thing ? Or Pre-kids vs. Post-kids? I used to love a works do pre-kids but now I really can’t be bothered. Can’t be doing with the small talk with people you’d rather not be with. I’d rather not spend any more time work colleagues and would prefer to go out with friends or family. Even though a works do is not mandatory it’s still as if you’re a bit boring/old/weird if you don’t go to the social events. It’s not even required in my field for networking so it’s purely a so-called party.

YABU - don’t be so boring and suck it up.
YANBU - don’t go if you don’t want to

Bonus points for anyone who can suggest a good excuse to get out of my next one.

What actually is your “works do”?

@Jazzappledelish its a mid-year event at a hotel in a couple of weeks, food and drinks all paid for by the company. Basically drinking and talking shop 😴

Nah not my cup of tea.

But no godforsken disco or similar?

How many attendees?

are you close to any of your colleagues?

local or stay the night?

Weekday or weekend?

I flat out refuse every invitation to any works do... I struggle spending time at work with some people never mind being in a social setting with them too. I'm honest though and just decline and say I'd rather not spend my free time with my colleagues.

Before kids I didn’t mind these things and would enjoy them to some extent but now I don’t often manage to organise to go out (logistics being a big part) so when I do I want to spend the time with my friends and not colleagues

Work do! Not works! Work.

Never liked them. Rarely attend them.

As you might guess I’m not one of the more popular colleagues 😆
Passed caring anyway.

I don't go as I can't be doing with the noise, the amount of people and drunks. I just say it's not my thing but have a good time.

I'm not the biggest fan too. If anything, I go for 2-3 hours, drink glass of prosecco, so I can drive myself home (nothing worse than waiting for cab or husband, friend, whoever to pick you up). Last year I mixed out of Christmas do due to pregnancy sickness. This year maternity leave. I would much more prefer some nice food and drinks in the office than the whole going out thing.

OP, you are not wrong. I have made a few friends in the workplace over the years, and I socialise separately with them. But mass events with a load of colleagues are just grim - you have nothing in common, except work. One of the best things about being self-employed was no more office social events.... for my "Xmas do" as a freelancer I would go to the theatre completely on my own. It was fab.

@Jazzappledelish yes likely a godforsaken disco too 😫 , forgot about that bit! 100+ people , weekday, not a stay overnight .

I find them hard work. I enjoy the lunch time and short immediately after work ones. However, I excuse myself from the all evening/weekend ones. I am senior so ought to go and frown on those who won't ever make the effort to go at lunchtime, especially as with those you can literally go for ten minutes then disappear.

I mostly say I can't make it as already booked for (anything I can think of). I feel bad though as it is usually people from my own team who have organised them, but not bad enough to actually go.

I do not socialise with colleagues outside of the workplace unless it's a work event, like a conference, that I can't not attend. I keep my work life and private life totally separate.

I have a couple of good friends at work, but haven't ever attended a work do 🤢

My friend's husband retired a few years ago following an accident.He always behaved as if failing to attend a work do was a sacking offence and he still attends them now in case anyone's offended by his absence.

I quite like a works party but I know not everyone does. I remember that when I had my youngest, no one invited me to the work Christmas party (I was on maternity leave so still employed) and I was really sad about it.

yanbu. I’m in hospitality, and it’s 24/7. I always offer to work so someone else can go to the works do. Apparently that makes me antisocial 🤷‍♀️. But it’s a great excuse and I get paid for it. Win win in my book!

I don’t have kids and never have enjoyed works dos you have to pay me to spend time with these people normally so no interest in them when I’m not being paid .

Unless senior, very easy to dodge with that number

Well if I felt like that about colleagues, no I wouldn’t want to either.

Have you never had a colleague that you really rate and like?

I used to love tram work lunches

Didn’t mean any planning, a chance to have a relaxed chat in the middle of the day, and no or very limited booze

Team

I agree, OP. I've worked with some lovely colleagues over the years so it's nothing personal, but these things are very weird - you are supposed to relax and socialise, but let's face it - the hierachy is still there and you feel you can't really let your guard down.

It's just box-ticking, isn't it, on behalf of HR? Have you met anyone who actually enjoys these things?