Partner can be impossible to be with

[Salad123]

So basically over a year ago my partner went to the doctors because he wasn't feeling himself. He was acting differently and was constantly angry and having outbursts. They said depression and prescribed setraline. Just to add we've been together 7 years and we have a 18 month old.

He can be very unreasonable and hard to live with now. It's actually unbearable at times. He will go into these erratic moods and start talking aload of nonsense and being a bit of a prick. Can sometimes be nasty and shouting and causing a big drama seems to always come hand in hand.

Today I told him to grow up and stop acting like a child. To give an insight he had to get a bus back from the car garage because it went in for an MOT and I couldn't go and get him because I had our baby at a class. I have not heard the end of this. Obviously I've stuck up for myself when he's kicked off etc but all he says is I don't understand what it's like to be on setraline.

AIBU. I can't help but think I've done nothing wrong and shouldn't be putting up with his outbursts. I've been supportive from day 1 but it doesn't give him the right to treat me like shit.

I dont know why I've even written this. Probably to vent and to get an opinion. TIA for reading it

Do you think the medication is having the desired effect, or is the behaviour the same as pre-medication? If it’s not addressing the underlying mental health issue (I assume it was diagnosed) then maybe a different one is needed. But, no you dont have to accept this - for you or for the environment for the baby. It sounds a bit more like an excuse used for bad behaviour. Maybe it’s time for him to work out whether he really wants to address this behaviour and for you to decide whether this is your future if he won’t/can’t.

Yeah, sounds like the doctors got it wrong.

First huge sympathise and massive hug. Living with him sounds like a recognisable nightmare and my heart goes out to you for having to live with this.

Has he made any lifestyle changes or sought counselling to help him tackle his depression? Made steps to work out how to change his life for the better?

Is he prepared to?

He’s acting like a twat because he’s ill. He won’t change just because you want him to though. This is going to need serious grafting and understanding on both your parts if you’re going to make it out the other side.

I gave up after 5 years of similar. Felt nothing but relief to be out of it but often wished I/we had the toolkit to have have a proper go at fixing it rather than floundering like we did.

A nugget of advice would be to change your expectations, you may reduce friction if you don’t expect him to be ‘normal’ or just get over it, but spend time working out what his triggers or stresses are and finding ways to manage them, connect with him so he knows you are on his side rather than against him to rebuild your relationship. If he was a decent person before, it’s still in him. He needs to be committed to change too though.