She asked me when i'm due. I'm not pregnant

[Toebeans123]

I have always been very slim, but since about 2019 when I got a sit down office job, and especially since covid I have steadily put weight on.

I struggled with this a lot, I tried to lose weight so many times but I find it really difficult and haven't been successful. I have tried really hard to accept myself and reassure myself that I am not actually overweight, I am 5ft 5 and a size 12-14 and I feel like I have a very average body type. I worked hard at getting my confidence up and accepting myself for who I am and what I look like. However, this is very hard when people keep commenting on my body.

I saw a friend today who I haven't seen in about a year and she said "wow I can't believe it, when are you due?" and lightly tapped my stomach. I said "oh i'm not pregnant" and she was very apologetic and I laughed it off. It's not her fault for thinking that, as I do put weight on around my stomach so I do have like a bump there. But the thing is, she is the 3rd person who has thought I was pregnant and commented on it.

Other than this, I have had remarks from family members such as when I got back from holiday my grandad said "was the food good?" and when I said yeah he said "yeah I can tell, looks like you ate a lot of it" and comments like that, out of the blue in the middle of a conversation are so startling and hurtful. Sometimes I trick myself into thinking no one else notices as much and I am just being hard on myself when I look in the mirror, but then comments like this make me realise that actually everyone who looks at me can clearly see I have gained weight and are thinking/commenting/judging etc.

I have looked into getting one of those fold away treadmills for home so that I can walk while I work and start running as well after work. I am too scared to go running at night on my own outside so I think this will help. I want to do it anyway for my own fitness but it feels like most of me not accepting myself and hating my body is due to other peoples views of me, because when I look in the mirror I think I look nice. Now that I am over the fact that my body has changed and started to accept myself, I have started to actually think I look fine and there is nothing wrong with me. But other people's comments don't just slide off me, they really sit deep and hurt.

How do I stop being affected by other peoples comments? And how do I accept myself, does anyone have any advice for me on how to not go back to hating myself when someone makes a comment like this and how can I build my confidence? I mainly just wanted to come on here because I feel like I can't unload all of this onto my friends because I feel embarrassed. It's more of a hand hold I guess. But also if anyone does have any reassurance or advice for me, it is very welcome.

You tell them to f-off!! That's so so rude and I'm sorry it's happened to you.

If you truly want to lose weight then do a high protein, low carbs calorie controlled diet and get exercising. Weight training is much better than cardio.

Sending you hugs.

your friend made a mistake, your grandad was mean. I would have a rehearsed saying to nip that in the bud in the future with him, or his comments could continue to effect you.

You're not happy with your body so you can learn to love it or change it. If you go for option A, follow lots of larger body positivity women and see how they dress. If you go for option b start with 30m walk/run a day and carefully monitor what you eat. Go for smaller portions, no snack foods, and salads. I am on a salad diet, where I eat a salad each day for dinner. It's fantastic and they can be so delicious.

Your friend made an innocent mistake, although it was a silly one, as it's kind of well known that you don't comment on somebody's pregnancy bump unless you know without a shadow of a doubt they are pregnant.

Your grandad was horrible. I have noticed my relatives age 50/60+ seem to comment on other people's bodies a lot and I don't pull any punches in regards to the fact it isn't ok and shows them in a very poor light.

If you aren't happy with your body, only you can change it OP. I've got to a point myself that I'm very accepting of my body. I know I carry extra weight. I have multiple medical conditions which cause this and the doctors won't help me. If people make comments then I tell them to do one and explain how shallow they must be. But if you are in a position to work on your body confidence and you aren't as accepting of your body, then only you can do that.

It is an awful mistake for your friend to make. I have a friend who this has happened to several times and she would get upset about it. But the clothes she wore would really not help her. She had a bit of a tummy after 2 c sections and wore a lot of tops that were empire line and did her no favours. She should have worn something with a waistband. So perhaps your choice of clothes might be part of it.

@brixieru you're right, I am not mad at my friend at all, it was just a mistake and she wasn't being malicious. It just prompted me to make the post because she isn't the only person to say it so the realisation that people look at me and think I am pregnant isn't nice. Again, not blaming her of course. Just wanted some advice on how to accept this better.

I kind of want to do both. I want to accept what I look like, whilst actively trying to be healthier and fitter by improving my fitness as I hate sitting down all day. I don't want it to be a goal about losing weight. I want to be able to think "I look great! and I don't care if other people don't think so. But I will actively work out and eat better to make sure I am healthy, and if I lose weight in the process, great! If not, that's ok because I still look amazing!" is that unreasonable though? maybe I do just need a clear goal and choose one or the other instead of being wishy washy.

I love salads! We have been eating a lot of salad for our dinners lately. It is snacking that I struggle with

Are you absolutely sure your larger stomach is due to weight gain? I thought the same but decided to visit my doctor when I couldn’t lose a single pound. It turns out I have a 16cm x 12cm fibroid, a 4cm ovarian cyst and my womb is the same size as a five month pregnancy.

I’m your height and I’ve been asked, size 8 🙄

Positive affirmations & 10 mins a day mediation. Sounds bollocks but it does work, you can actually rewire the brain this way. Get a copy of the compound affect free on pdf to give you a nudge. You can stop snacking if you want to, you just can.

Also bollocks to the lot of them, you put on weight you didn’t drown a puppy so they can drop the comments.

If the weight is all on your stomach and people are commenting I would make an appointment with your GP to check out ovarian cancer.It is a simple blood test and you should be examined.Please consider this as it is very often put down to weight gain.This was me many years ago luckily I was treated straight away.Good luck.

Just echoing what some others are saying here that it might be a medical issues. A colleague had the same thing and she definitely looked pregnant as the weight was concentrated on her stomach and not evenly around her body. She was diagnosed with a large fibroid and the 'weight' totally vanished after it was removed

Bloody hell, it’s one thing your mate making a comment but she tapped your stomach…? Who does that?!?

This happened to me. Turned out I had huge fibroids. Perhaps a trip to the Dr is in order.

I know what you mean about weight on the tummy unfortunately I think some people just hold it there more.

I think the treadmill will help I generally find I eat more healthily and keep it up if I’m also exercising. Just remember it’s slow, when I try to lose weight I only weigh myself monthly as if I do it more often my weight fluctuates too much and I get sad.

I’m the same height as you and from the clothing size you’ve mentioned you’d be classed as overweight. Have you had a check up at the dr?

I’m in size 10-12 at the moment, but had a baby 4 months ago. We all have different frames - no denying it, but I would check out your BMI. It’s not 100% accurate before everyone piles on but it’s an indicator at the very least. My bmi is overweight.

I personally wouldn’t be concentrating on trying to accept my larger figure if that figure, as you noted, is a result of snacking on likely processed foods throughout the day. I’d pick up a calorie counter and track what snacks are going in to disincentivise myself from picking up the next biscuit/ packet of something.

It’s not about buying a treadmill that will likely gather dust, it’s what goes in that has the biggest impact.

While you’re waiting to lose weight, concentrate on and pamper the bits of your body that you do like.

…. And don’t dwell on the bits you don’t like. I give myself a big smile whenever I come near a mirror as my elderly wrinkled face looks so much better, and it’s making me feel good about the other bits

Ffs I can never understand people who comment on someone's 'pregnancy' before making absolutely sure of their facts first! I have been on the receiving end of such a comment in the past and I know how hurtful it can be. A little part of me thinks that there may be an undercurrent of spitefulness involved on the part of the person making the remark. I'm sure that this was the case when it happened to me.

Thanks for everyone's replies. To those who have mentioned a medical issue.. I don't think that's the case, as I have endometriosis and have had a couple of surgeries. The most recent one was only a year ago so I assume they would've picked up on something then