What help should help give dd who is struggling to attend to school?

[Bixs]

Sorry, this is long and isn’t an aibu question but I am desperate for help and posting here for traffic.

My 14yo DD is having difficulties with her mental health and is missing a considerable amount of school.
I am very concerned with the complete lack of communication from the school

She did not attend school at all for 2 months, in October and December of last year, and although she returned to school in January, this has only been on a part-time basis. This means, she has not been in full-time education since September 2022.

I have requested to speak to DD’s Pastoral Support Officer multiple times over the past month to discuss measures that might be put in place to help her attend school, but this has not happened. I arranged a meeting with the PSO, but when I arrived at school, she was not there. I was then told she would telephone me; this hasn’t happened.

I am very worried that we are now reaching a point where DD will not be able to attend school at all. I am really frustrated because I had hoped to work with the school to prevent this from happening and I believe it could have been avoided if action had been taken sooner.

I am thinking of writing a formal letter of complaint to the school but I wanted to know what other options I might have. Does anyone know what schools’ obligations are in a situation like this, is it worth contacting the education authority?

not sure if this is relevant, but last year school mentioned possible ASD because of behaviours they had noticed and we’re waiting for CAMHS appointment

We've just been through a similar situation. Currently year 12 and not attending at all now. I was also a non-attender.
I really thought school, CAMHS, 'the system' would help us, but this was not the case. You might need to pursue an assessment outside of school if you think it would be helpful to have one.
Have a look at Not Fine in School website and fb page and try not to get caught up in the 'school attendance above all else' mentality as there are many ways to learn and progress through life.
Secondary school can be brutal, and not everyone can tolerate it, much less thrive and reach their potential.

Make CAMHS aware of the school refusal if they aren't already. Maybe also try to start a conversation with the local authority about what's possible (not educational welfare, emphasis you think there is SN underlying this).

It’s probably because you’re waiting for a cahms appointment that the school aren’t doing as much as you would like. Ime as soon as Cahms are involved the teachers are reluctant to pressure students into attending until the issues around their mental health are clarified by professionals. That doesn’t mean that cahms will do a great deal btw, but that’s been my experience.

It is important to start formulating your own idea of what the best possible solution is, OP. Then see what chance you have of getting it and how you'd go about it. Don't just be buffeted by the school and the LA. They'll do the minimum unless pressured. Get ahead of the game a bit if you can. I know it's hard.

If it came to it would you consider alternative provision of some sort? What's her academic profile like?

Thank you all so much for replying.

I’d really just like her to be able to maybe have some support from the SENCO but school have said they won’t consider that unless she has a diagnosis. I read some schools will let a child like DD attend on a part-time basis which would be a help. I’m just getting nowhere, they haven’t even bothered to at email me some work for her to do at home.

At the moment, I’d just settle for a proper conversation with them but they’re so uninterested it’s shocking. There seems to be no effort to support kids like my DD at all.

I’m trying not to put pressure her at all. My priority is her well-being rather than her school attendance. It’s just a bit daunting.

The deal is that she has to get up and dressed at the usual time every morning. Even if she isn’t going to school. I just don’t want her lying in bed all morning. I am trying to do some work with her, focusing on the core subjects. We’ve been reading Romeo and Juliet together, because that is what she had been doing at school, and we’ve done some science experiments. Fortunately, my dh is good at maths, so I bought a white rose work book and they’ve been working there way through that.

It’s actually been really enjoyable, she’s a bright girl and really keen to learn. I just really feel like I’m making it up as I go along though, it’s hard to know what the right thing to do is and I’m worried I’m getting things wrong.

I will have a look at the Facebook group

Can you enrol her in an online school?

I know this is a couple of months old but my son attended school for 4 weeks and the rest of the year he was off. We had no real support from the school but we did a successful EHCP and got him into my eldest sons specialist school so he will re start year 7 next week. He also has a camhs appointment on Wednesday for autism assessment. What I found was that I contacted the local authority and they set up a home tutor for him. Which at the time was great however, it doesn’t tackle the nerves for my son he was comfortable at home and he didn’t leave the house ever because everything was so overwhelming for him. So hopefully now he is enrolled at a specialist school the classrooms are so much smaller - 6 in a class. And the work is tailored to suit his needs. I hope you get the support that you need and that everything works out for you. X