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AIBU?

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Red flags in early relationship

3 replies

BrightArticles · 21/06/2023 07:00

I have a close relative that has been dating a woman now for as little as couple of months.

They do what any other newly relationship couple would do, going out all the time staying together and what not.

However here's the catch... from what I've seen and what I was told by him there's something definitely not right going on.

I've told him that those were red flags but he seems so in love that I don't think he cares.

She checks his phone all the time looking for potential cheating evidence? He says that because she had rough relationships in the past she does it.

She disappears for 24hours makes him worry call the police and the next day she says she spend the night with friends.

Apparently she confessed to doing heavy drugs but regrets it and won't do it again.

Drinks heavly to ease her depression.

Smokes (my relative has chronic lung problems and since he started dating his lungs have been a mess)

Apparently she is very jealous and questions his interactions with other women.

She is constantly on the phone with someone no matter where she is.

I have also noticed that the relationship is built on lies from both parts not just her.

I know, I know you're going to say it's none of my business.
I've only can advice him, he does what he feels right... but...

Is it just me that thinks this is abit extreme start to a relationship?

OP posts:
jelly79 · 21/06/2023 07:02

You and he knows too well that they are red flags. Many.

I think you are right to be available to support him but with something so glaringly obvious he is choosing to turn a blind eye so may not want your advice

ThatFraggle · 21/06/2023 07:41

There are some people who deliberately choose dysfunctional relationships. Usually subconsciously.

Sometimes to reproduce the familiarity of growing up with an alcoholic, or a long relationship with someone emotional unavailable.

As PP said, he can see the flags just as well as you but for some reason is choosing to ignore them.

Maybe he thinks he can't get someone else. Maybe the sex is worth it to him.

All you can do is express your concerns (once) then offer your support.

BrightArticles · 21/06/2023 08:54

ThatFraggle · 21/06/2023 07:41

There are some people who deliberately choose dysfunctional relationships. Usually subconsciously.

Sometimes to reproduce the familiarity of growing up with an alcoholic, or a long relationship with someone emotional unavailable.

As PP said, he can see the flags just as well as you but for some reason is choosing to ignore them.

Maybe he thinks he can't get someone else. Maybe the sex is worth it to him.

All you can do is express your concerns (once) then offer your support.

Yes I feel like that could be the case.

He had a not so good childhood but is doing good financially, has no addictions, has a small group of loyal friends and enjoys his hobbies.

It almost feels like he wants to save her? Protect her? Even tho it causes him stress and angst.

It's hard to watch sometimes.

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