To think DH has issues with me going away

[Summersolstice88]

I have to occasionally travel for work, nothing exciting but there are odd occasions when I need to be away for a few days and DH always picks seems to pick a fight right before I go.

For background we're married and have 2 children (8 and 2) we have some separation issues with the youngest at the moment (nothing drastic in my opinion, wants me to sit and play with him on the floor or hold his hand while walking around the house etc, but will let me put him to sleep at night without crying and doesn't cry at nursery off - probably a longer post in itself!)

I'm leaving this morning after drop offs and DH has started a row again about the youngest separations anxiety, but should point out if I am not in the house he's not bothered but it's turned into a screaming match and he's told me to not talk to him until I get back at the end of the week (he won't send any updates on the children etc as I don't deserve them)

It's the same everytime I go out or go away which isn't often, maybe once every 8 weeks for a night.

Dh works nights so isn't around a lot so any travelling I do is around his shifts anyway, and when he isn't working he goes to football every Saturday and some away weekends so he also goes away.

he's told me to not talk to him until I get back at the end of the week (he won't send any updates on the children etc as I don't deserve them)

Wow. What a prince.

haven't left enough clothes our for him before I go or I love my job more than him

I’d love my job more than him, too.

much better behaved without me there and and much happier

I would turn this back on him 'I don't know why you always worry about x because afterwards you always say that they were much better behaved without me there and and much happier'. You can do this dh.

He can't have it both ways, either it is a nightmare without you or it is better.

Of course his behaviour is unacceptable, if he can't deal with a partner who is away with work now and again (it's not for everyone to be fair, I have friends who have ended relationships over it) then he needs to recognise that and rather than control/guilt you about your job take ownership and walk away.

He can’t be arsed with the responsibility and feels threatened about your job, jealous that you get a wee overnight stay away.

his behaviour is ridiculous, dh used to have to work away a fortnight at a time, now that’s hard going not a couple of nights every 8 weeks

And your reply should be
Great, I am pleased that everything is fine when I go away for work. It means I can concentrate on my job.

He's angry that you have a life outside of his needs (which includes you looking after his children and running his house).

He is also jealous of your career and success.

Treat his behaviour the same as you would that kind of behaviour from a toddler. When he kicks off, tell him he does this every time you need to go away for work and that he needs to get over himself and behave like an adult.

Sounds to me like he really thinks your place is at home, running around after him and the kids and being a good little housewife, but he knows you need the money you bring in (do you out earn him by chance?), and he resents that. All about his pathetic male ego and being expected to be an equal partner rather than king of his own house.

So he works nights and spends his free time doing fun stuff and now you're away on some jolly leaving HIM to have to raise YOUR children? Or at least that's seemingly how the narrative runs in his head.

I'd be asking what you get from the relationship. If its otherwise fine, you need a sit down conversation at a calm time to point out what happens every time you go away, and how him withholding info on the kids is tantamount to emotional abuse

he's told me to not talk to him until I get back at the end of the week (he won't send any updates on the children etc as I don't deserve them)

What a self-serving, manipulative cunt.

He’s punishing you for having to look after his own children, which he clearly sees as your responsibility. Yet helps himself to time to off by going to football every weekend.

You do not need this level of shit in your life.

He’s such a threatened and inadequate little man, isn’t he?

Your husband is an arse who is punishing you for having a career and a life of your own and expecting him to pull his weight raising his own children.

I did two transatlantic business trips when my son was 11 and 13 months old. My husband (who was also working full time) coped. And sent me regular photos and videos.

I bet this is the tip of the iceberg and he's a manipulative controlling asshole in lots of other ways.

This just about sums him up I reckon.

@MargotBamborough

"Your husband is an arse who is punishing you for having a career and a life of your own and expecting him to pull his weight raising his own children."

In a nutshell.