Friend only sees us when their partner is busy

[SoVTired]

Is this…normal?
I have been friends with A for about 6 years. Two years ago, A got together with B. This was fairly unusual I thought as they have no common interests at all but they seemed happy enough.
They live together and have done so for 18 months. Not yet married, no kids.

A will only see me / our friendship group if B is busy.

If I / we arrange something, which B inevitably won’t like, A will not attend - even if B is not invited (eg, B hates the theatre - no problem, I know A does and have invited A but they won’t go).
we do arrange things that B would also like (dinner, drinks) but if B is not up for it, even if A is, they will not attend.

I am both worried about the potential controlling nature of A&B’s relationship and also fairly offended that I can only see A if B is busy.

So: YANBU - this is weird
YABU - this is entirely usual

I think it's very odd and would hate that, in fact my DH and I rarely socialise together at all .. we have completely different interests and sets of friends ... but no doubt some couples would think that's odd and like to do at least some things together.

I don't think there's much you can do though, sounds as though she is totally loved up and somewhat in awe of her new (ish) boyfriend.

It's normal within most of my friendship groups tbh which I find really strange as I di things frequently without my DH

I don't think it is necessary weird, nor is it totally normal in that it wouldn't suit every couple.

Lots of people enjoy an evening out more if their partner is there, and your friend may fall into this group. Unless there is something more, I see no reason to assume her partner is controlling.

What I mean is, they’ll only see our group if they’re at a loose end because their partner is busy. Not sure if I made that clear, sorry!

Well, I don't get it myself, but the 'I don't need anyone else, my partner is my best friend and I don't want to spend an hour without him' comes up fairly often on Mn, along with the post-children version, 'I only need my own little family'.

Hmmm, yeah. If nothing else, we (friends) feel like an afterthought or consolation prize. It's a bit shit. But I guess people ARE different???

I often turn down an invite to spend an evening with just one friend- my free time is limited so I like to save it for times I can see a group of friends.
but if she is not often joining you as a group, it’s possible that B is a bit controlling?

For reference, A is male. We think B is probably controlling by being a miserable bastard near constantly.