My poor husband was controlled by his ex wife. He handed over all his wages, he was told everything was his fault, he had to notify not just when he was on the way home or expected to arrive but give updates throughout the journey as to where he was etc. When kids arrived, everything about raising them was decided by his ex and if things didn’t turn out well they were his fault. Do I believe him, yes, because while he’s unlearning such behaviours when we first met he simply couldn’t make a small decision without my say so, and he flew into a panic if he was going to be ten minutes later than he said. He was diagnosed PTSD.
The pair of them while divorced and on the advice of his therapist have barely communicated. This has led to the kids playing them off against each other sometimes, but when we have his kids (12 and 9) 50-50 we’ve made a happy home. At mum’s there are behaviour problems apparently.
Anyway, 4 years after divorce but yet one year before court ordered maintenance is set to end (because they switched to 50-50 already and exw has a well paid job), ex wife has for the first time said she’d like to coparent, find out what my hubby is doing well, and make joint rules for both homes. She would like access to the nanny my husband found for the kids and she wants them to all sit down together and discuss the joint rules. I am a bit surprised but it’s not my decision as stepmom so I’m holding back from opinions.
What is bugging me tho is ‘why now?’ Can someone who was previously my way or the highway really change? Is it pressure from the kids? I worry for my hubby because the nanny they had when they were together was turned against him and persuaded to sign a witness statement for the court (ignored by judge) that he was unfit to be a resident parent. Children were told ‘mummy hates daddy’ and ‘daddy is bad.’ Perhaps people change…do they?