DP says DD can never have eye lash extensions when she grows up.. but it's ok to pierce a toddlers ears

[OffensiveEyelash]

I sometimes get my lashes done and when I do my DD age 4 notices and says she wants hers to look like that too, it's harmless interest on her part (she asks for everything!) and of course I explain that they're not suitable for children and that's that.

I arrived home today, with lash extensions, and DD who's sitting with her dad.. makes the same comment.

I said to her, within ear shot of her dad, that when she's 16 if she wants them then I'll consider taking her but that's not for a very long time.

He went off on a rant about how she's never having them done, not on his watch, he doesn't want her making herself look older than what she is and it'll start with lashes then end up with cosmetic surgery (??!)

It was clear as day he was accusing me of setting a bad example to DD.

I suggested he save some of that energy for his other child's mother who has been trying to make their child look older ever since birth, piercing her ears as a baby, wearing hoops and dangling ear rings by 2 and having the poor girl stumble around in wedged sandals a size too big on days out where lots of walking is involved just because she thinks it looks nice.

AIBU to think he's got a nerve?

Good luck to him when she’s a teen! I don’t wear lashes but it does not stop DD15 being obsessed with all things fake, nails/lashes/tan. He’s in for a rude awakening to parent a teenager girl 😂

It's nothing to do with me but everything to do with him. They're both his daughters. It's not acceptable for him to have different views and rules for each child.

It's either OK to experiment with appearance or it's not.

If he's not going to give her both barrells for doing things like piercing a babies ears, he shouldn't be giving me both barrells for saying I may, in 12 years time, take DD to get her eyelashes done if she happens to ask at that point.

Being a NRP does not mean you have no say over what the other parent does with the child's appearance, as evidenced by the amount of furious mums I've seen on here over the years when the child has returned from contact with a dodgy / inappropriate hair do, or whatever else.

I've never commented on something like this before as pointed out it's nothing to do with me what another mum does with their child, but when I'm being bollocked by somebody who has been perfectly fine with all of that in case of his other DC... not cool.

For sure!

It'll be interesting to see how things go down when he tries telling a 16yo DD that she can't wear make up etc. Good luck to him.

When she's 16 she will not care one jot and she will be like the rest of us at 16 hoiking her skirt up to her armpits and whacking on mascara and lipstick as soon as shes out of his line of sight

It's not acceptable for him to have different views and rules for each child.

you are completely missing the point. He doesn't have his child full time, he doesn't get to have any rule when the child is not with him! He's allowed to have an opinion, but what do you think his ex does when he gives it to her?
You are doing joint-parenting, they each are doing their own thing.

Being a NRP does not mean you have no say over what the other parent does with the child's appearance

what do you want him to do when he disagrees exactly? Leave her? Oh wait...

That will be completely dated, she will be following the latest fashion that will horrify her mother 😂

you are completely missing the point. He doesn't have his child full time, he doesn't get to have any rule when the child is not with him! He's allowed to have an opinion, but what do you think his ex does when he gives it to her?
You are doing joint-parenting, they each are doing their own thing.

I'm not missing the point, I hear that loud and clear.

My point is that he doesn't have an opinion or any objections about what happens with DSD appearance-wise.. but he is completely against and actually angry about the hypothesis that DD might want something as harmless as eyelashes at 16. The disparity isn't acceptable.

TBH I couldn't be arsed to argue over something hypothetical and potentially 12 years away!!

Nor could I in general but the insinuation that I'm setting a bad example has upset me. Its not that far removed from being called a bad parent really.

How can he be an incel with two children and OP as a current partner?

I would ignore - he's suddenly realised that his DD will one day be oggled and have comments from leering men. His reaction is his DD will dress like a nun.

Bad that he let's his poor other DD be stuck in uncomfortable shoes because they're fashion but he is no doubt scared to comment.