To ask for help to calm down and speak up?

[LouLouTuTu]

I have a really horrible meeting to attend later on today. It’s something I’m quite upset and emotional about.

I need to be able to speak up, but I’m so upset that I’m not confident that I’ll be able to maintain any form of composure and will cry.

I’m generally a good speaker and can get my point across well, but I’ve been so battered by what has happened that I’m very upset.

Does anyone have any practical tips that I can use, please?

I turn my upset to anger. I focus on the injustice and that it's personal. I don't cry in anger, so it works for me. Another way is to imagine that you are advocating for someone else, take yourself out of the equation and argue for what is right. If I doubt myself I repeat in my mind something like "I deserve this/I'm in the right here" etc.

Can you write notes which you will have to hand during the meeting. Sometimes just having those as a back up relieves the stress of thinking 'what if I get too emotional and forget x y z '

Sorry you're going through this, Ive unfortunately experienced the same feelings a few times and from what I remember I got by on adrenaline and my notes, didn't actually get emotional as I thought I would. Hope it goes as well as possible for you

Firstly, physically ground yourself - make sure you are sat squarely in your seat, feet on the floor, and lower back pushed back into the seat. Shoulders back. Take deep, calm breaths. Mentally, be prepared, what are the key points you want to get across, write them down and take your notes in with you. Think about the objective of the meeting from your POV, don't get bogged down in narrative or details be straight and to the point. Then think about others in the meeting, how do you anticipate they will react? I like to do this so that when the meeting is running it is almost funny in my head to tick off them behaving as I expected like it's bingo. It's ok to take a few calming breaths before you speak. It's also ok to say I am feeling emotional and would like to take a break. Good luck op, you've got this 💪

Write the half dozen points you want to make

Stick them to laptop

Constantly say 'if I could bring you back to..'

Stay silent most of the time

Breathe...speak slowly and concentrate on spacing your words out.

Ok this is what to do. Right now, close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths and REALLY visualise coming out of the meeting and saying “well that went really well. I said what I wanted to say and they heard me and it’s sorted.” Or something that feels real for you - the point is that you make a video in your head of the outcome you want. Keep playing that.

When you’re in the meeting keep focussing your eyes slightly above the head of the person you’re speaking to.

OP you know what, cry if you need to. I once had to have a horrific meeting complaining about something extremely serious, and I was very very junior at the time, and it concerned a very senior person working somewhere very powerful. It just wasn't possible in that moment to keep it together.

The meeting went very well and the superior I spoke to genuinely understood the gravity of the situation and took appropriate positive action. I think TBF he recognised why I cried. I'm definitely not a crier usually.

After the first minute or two it actually helped me clear away the nerves and speak more clearly and concisely. Obviously it's better not to cry if you can avoid it, but don't mess up the meeting by concentrating only on trying not to cry or appear emotional as then you're focusing on the wrong thing. And you're not the one at fault here, remember that, it's whoever or whatever has caused you to feel this way that is at fault.

You can say “I may cry while talking about this. It’s just something that happens, it does not mean I am overwhelmed and I’d appreciate it if any tears that may occur don’t derail the meeting” then just do your best to talk through it.

OP others have excellent advice, just wanted to wish you all the best for it.

Definitely for me some jotted down notes - even just a few bullet points - of what I want to cover helps in difficult meetings. And if the conversation gets going and there's something I might want to say but don't get the chance to interject, I'll jot that down during the meeting so I don't forget to bring the conversation back to it. Is it an in person meeting?

Don't be afraid to say "just give me a moment" or something and take a deep breath if you need to collect yourself a bit. And don't be upset if you do cry or get upset - we are only human! You can still make the points you need to even if this happens. Good luck, you will be great.

If you are liable to get upset due to frustration or anger I think I use a variation of the grey rock technique. I visualize a rock standing in the ocean being battered by waves and I mentally try to be as cold and solid as that rock. It does cause me to be icy and clinical but that's better than losing my temper.