Supporting child through separation

[Whyisitsohardtochooseaname]

Blatantly posting for traffic and NC for this as I just don’t know how to support DD.

She is 5, has always been quite soft and empathetic.

Separated from exDH around her third birthday, it’s been 2.5 years and relatively smooth sailing. Good coparenting relationship, almost 50/50 and older child has adapted very well.

Recently DD has been getting upset about missing the other parent when with either one, wants us to live in one house again, and the worst “I want it to go back to normal.”

This is about her, and supporting her to express these emotions and manage her feelings, but my god hearing her say things like this is like a knife in the gut. The guilt is eating me alive.

Can anyone recommend any coping strategies I can support her with, any resources to offer guidance?

I suppose my AIBU is was I unreasonable to think / hope she wouldn’t remember any different than how things are now?

Please don’t come at me about this being the consequences of divorce, I am so fragile and just want any help I can get to support DD.

My DP and his ex split up when DSS was about the same age. You'd have thought he'd barely remember that time but actually he's always had a bizarrely good memory and clung on to every detail.

In his case, I don't think it helped that his mum talked a lot about when they were together, and would say things like "this used to be your dad's office when he lived here", "your dad used to do this" etc etc. I'd avoid doing that.

But despite that, I guess the silver lining is that it upset him less over the years. He still references those things all the time which DP privately hates, but he does it in a matter of fact way rather than a sad way. He's either simply got used to it, or perhaps responded to his mum seeming less upset about it.