AIBU to take her to the hairdresser anyway

[feuergeist]

Long story short, my daughter desperately wants a dip dye for her birthday. She is turning 11 and in her last few weeks of primary school. She has very dark hair and just wants to dye the ends a dark red. As it was just a one off and not a regular occurrence, I had researched the issue on the school website and within the uniform policy and didn't find anything preventing her from styling her hair as she wanted.

I picked her up from school yesterday (I know she is year 6 but to prevent a drip feed later, she has ASD and ADHD and currently struggles with school and transition to secondary and it helps her for me to pick her up rather than meeting me somewhere) and apparently the teacher had heard about our planned trip to the hairdressers tomorrow and said that she didn't think the school allowed hair dye. I pointed out several girls with highlights, another with almost completely pink braids and two boys who had half their head shaved and mentioned that it seems fairly common to have more experimental hairstyles and that the school rules that I had read did not forbid it. She said that she would make enquiries and let me know today.

For reference, this is what the school policy states for hair

Allow all pupils to have long hair (though we reserve the right to ask for this to be tied back)
Allow all pupils to style their hair in the way that is appropriate for school yet makes them feel most comfortable

Hair
Long hair must be tied back for PE

Considering the appointment was for tomorrow afternoon (and I had done my due diligence in advance by checking school policy), would i be unreasonable to take her to the hairdresser tomorrow regardless of what the school said today? I will be charged a hefty cancellation fee should I cancel today as well... I will obviously speak to the head today if need be but I don't feel that they should apply unwritten rules randomly.

And yet if she identified as a cat they would pander to the 🤦 world has gone mad!
Take her to hairdressers. Tied in a bun with the ends tucked in, you wouldn't see the dye.
But honestly I don't know how schools can dictate hair colour. Really riles me !

I've only ever known schools to be against 'unnatural hair colours' so personally I think you're taking a risk with this one and I wouldn't have done it in term time.
It is so close to the summer holidays you could have just done it then.

Hope your daughter loves her dip dye, stuff the school and it’s rules.
Rules should be to protect people, not restrict children experimenting with their hair.

Get it done - what are they going to do, dye it back for her?!

Can you afford for her to be suspended?
Are there any staff members with coloured hair, piercing or tattoos?
The rules seem to vary between schools and it’s usually similar rules for staff and children.
My sons school policy said hair must be natural hair colours. He’s got black hair. He dyed it blonde. 🙊

Could your daughter bleach the ends now and then wait until summer so go bright red?

Considering that there are other students with highlights and pink hair braids then I would consider it a form of discrimination if they treated your daughter differently from other students and made a rule that only applied to her.

And you checked the school’s policy. So go for it. How exciting for your daughter. It will look fabulous 💇‍♀️💖

Thank you so much for all your replies. I agree that if the schools policy was against hair dye and this was enforced, I would never have considered it but as it is, I didn’t think it’d be a problem.

i didn’t even consider the teachers side - yes, there are teachers with hair dye, piercings and visible tattoos. I don’t object to that at all but is a very good point.

thanks also for the suggestion to tie the hair - I didn’t even consider that but putting the hair in a bun should cover the ends just fine! I’ll update you once the school have gotten in touch today.

Thanks again for all your replies, I have definitely taken it to heart. As promised, a quick update since I have spoken to the school earlier.

The class teacher discussed it with the head of year and deputy head and while they 'strongly discourage' hair dye, they reviewed the school policy and it doesn't prohibit, or even mentions it at all. So they are fully aware that my daughter is well within her rights to get the dip dye. I have spoken to her and used it as a teaching moment about checking and following rules while still maintaining your own individuality and she is now very much looking forward to her appointment tomorrow.

Thanks again for all the replies!

@feuergeist How did the hair appointment go?

The appointment went well and we left the hairdressers with my daughter very pleased with the results.

I'll be honest and say that I am rather dismayed as when we left the hair was exactly what I had expected, over the next hour after getting home it brightened up so that it ended up being a very bright pinkish red rather than the very dark red that we had discussed. My daughter is insisting that she loves it exactly as it is, but I don't know if she really means it or is just worried that I will make her cut it off. I'll speak to the hairdressers this morning when they open and see if they can fix it.

That happened to a friend of mine. His hair was very dark and the hairdresser bleached it first to then dye it a deep dark vibrant red.

It turned pink by the next day. Apparently it’s not that uncommon.

My hair is fairly light coloured so when I had it dyed years ago a deep bright vibrant red it stayed that way until it grew out. I think it’s because I didn’t have to have it bleached first.

Hope that they can fix it for your daughter.

School uniform rules don't apply to teachers!