To advise my dd that it is prob best to keep away from badly behaved children?

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dd is in yr 2 primary. She told me how a couple of the children known for being badly behaved often play together, but sometimes on their own. I said that if they were on their own, perhaps they would appreciate a friend. I also said if she could be friends with whoever she wants.

However, since becoming friends with a couple of these friends, her behaviour has been commented on by her teacher. Then last week, the mother of one the children had a go at me, accussing my dd of leading her ds astray and unfairly letting him get him for everything!

I'm now so fed up with this mothers attitude, I advised my dd that it is probably best she steers clear of the known troublemakers. AIBU - part of me does not feel comfortable with this - but the other part of me wants no trouble either from parents or teachers.

Sorry that should read "accusing my dd of leading her ds astray and unfairly letting him get him the blame for everything!"

Ahh, I hate mothers who think their children are never to blame - you should have told her to piss off!

I would advise my DD to steer clear tbh, especially if her behaviour is deteriorating.

I have told DS to stay away at all costs from 1 child that has landed him in trouble already (he's in Reception)

I do not feel bad; DS knows this child is the reason he got in to trouble and was so upset that he wants to avoid it by any means...

I have also discussed with him the importance of doing what HE knows is right and not listening to the ringleaders/following the crowd. I want to instil a sense of integrity and honour in his own beliefs (well, mine as his parent for now - until he learns them too) that will carry him through life. I've never been a crowd-follower but have gone the way I believe is right (ie, when mates were doing drugs, I didn't for example)

I think it is very hard though... you can only keep repeating the message that it is better to go with what she knows is right (if the boy is getting her in trouble - she needs to listen to her own conscience and decide whether her actions are right or not... then act on her beliefs; for example, DS knew it was wrong to hit the other child, but he did it due to the pressure of the crowd - I've told him to listen to himself and NOT do it because he knows it's wrong, regardless of the peer pressure).

Peer pressure starts so young; we just have to give them the tools to deal with it I guess but it isn't easy, is it!

I have a similar problem, last parents evening the teacher mentioned to me that DD's best friend was 'unruly' in class (they are yr2 as well) and said because of this she doesn't allow them to sit together as she doesn;t want DD distracted.
DD's friend is IMO a nice girl, she comes for tea and stuff and is always well behaved when around me, but DD does tell em about things that she ahs got up to and the girl in question has happily told me she won't behave at school, her mother has also told me they have had some problems, so I know that this girl is one of the less well behaved children at school.

I have basically told DD that it's fine to be friends with her, even encouraged the friendship in some ways because I do beleive it can be beneficial to both of them and she isn't a bad kid all in all, but DD knows that being a friend means when one of your friends does something that will get them into trouble that you should tell them not to do it and walk away because that's the only way you can help them. I don't see howthere is much mroe to do.

Thankfully the girls mum knows she has been trouble at school and is trying to tackle it so I don't get the gobbing off in the playground but unfortunately some parents cannot see that their precious child is the one misbehaving, I'd try not to let it bother you.

Thank you LewisFan - I don't think I have made it so clear to my dd not be a crowd follwer, and to listen to her instincts instead even if she is in the minority.

She also does tend to bow down to peer pressure too.

I think I was just shocked to have the other boy's mother having a go at me

TBH the way I made it clear was rather old-fashioned. DS is only 5 so doesn't understand too many concepts like "conscience" and "peer pressure" that you could explain to a 6/7yr old.

I told him that if I'm told he is naughty and it turns out that he went against what he knows is wrong (ie he followed the crowd) that there would be fireworks at home!! I have impressed on him just how cross I'd be if he follows the crowd.

I don't think this is wrong. Many parents would though. I have done it this way so that he knows it is worse to follow the crowd and have to "deal with" me rather than ignore the crowd and get called a chicken or whatever!

how about telling her to keep away from the children when they are behaving badly

Just don't like the label of 'badly behaved children'.
It's difficult i know though .Dd is 5 and has had similar problems ...but i hate to think of some of the children she plays with as being labelled by other parents so young.
I have tended to talk just about behaviour that i don't want her involved in..rather than friendships. I have told her (and she seems to understand) that if one of her friends is doing x then she should keep away
(or grass em up )

I agree troutpout, when I had a party for DD one of the parents commented on a child I had invited saying 'Oh gosh I wouldn't invite so-and-so to any of my parties'
I was quite upset by it, especially as the child wasn't at all misbehaved at the party, the parent who said the comment does do reading quite often in class though so I assume she see's which children do misbehave more in class.

I have always tried to let my children choose their own friends (sometimes it has worked out badly) but there is one child in DS2s class that I have told DS2 to avoid at all costs.
He came to DS2 birthday a while back (whole class sort of thing) and he told my mum to f* off.
I was so shocked, (more shocked my mother did not slap him silly)
But he is uncontrollable (sn) and despite having my own statemented child (DS1), and not wanting to judge, this boy is bad news and I do not want DS2 getting friendly with him as it would be a very cold day in hell before I had a playdate.

I do not think you are being unreasonable, however I would tell your DD to be nice just don't get too involved.