DD13 new friend

[Eyeofthetigers]

Is a year older than her
has made references to wanting to eat edibles - dd says she hasn’t
is very badly behaved at school and on verge of being expelled
Friends with some undesirable’s
vapes

but

is a sweet girl who thrives off positive praise and discussions
my dd loves her and they have a warm supportive friendship she genuinely cares
when here iv not seen anything but her being a caring girl possibly NEiro diverse

i think there’s things to keep an eye on
my dd swears she wouldn’t di things she does but she likes her a lot. Well lately iv had 2 teachers tell me dd shouldn’t be hanging around with her because of her behaviour at school (she truants and can be mouthy) they think it’s a bad mix and going to lead to trouble
tiday a teacher told dd that and dd told the teacher that if she knew what friend had been through in her life she’d understand

I am now second guessing myself of course I don’t want my dd being led up the wrong path but also I’m bringing dd up to have a strong mind. Dd likes her and says she wouldn’t do things she does (I think this friend probably doesn’t see danger in slme things but my dd does)
am I being naive ?

It depends how strong personality your daughter is. Is she able to avoid being dragged into the 'bad' crowd at school that her friend hangs out with? Is she able to firmly say no to her friend and tell her she doesn't agree with what she is doing? Is she able to walk away if friend is behaving badly at school? Or does she stand there.

Sadly she will be tarred with same brush if she is hanging around with friend at school while she is gobbing off to teachers and misbehaving.

She is strong minded especially as this girl brings out a side of her wheee she can say how she feels and be who she wants with little judgement which is nice but I don’t know if I’m being silly. I know this girl has self harmed before which worries me but I also think I can’t shield her from everything.

the friend has been through witnessing dv her mum is lovely and trying and has left him now but I guess the scars are still there
is it really the right thing to steer clear of people who may be a bit broken?

Oh god, this is incredibly difficult. Surely if you interfere too much you run the risk of making your daughter want to be her friend more? It seems your daughter has been very open about the issues her friend has, seemingly from her difficult family life. Could you just monitor her attitude/behaviour and keep lines of communication open with your daughter, so that she feels comfortable coming to you with any issues if they occurred?

Poor girl, there's no wonder why she's gobby with the teachers. They are authority figures with the power to punish. In her mind, they are on par with her DMs abusive partner. I bet he was nasty to this girl too.
Her rebellion is really rebellion against this man.
Do keep a close eye on things but this is actually an opportunity for DD and yourself to show her what healthy relationships look like. Could you encourage sleepovers/staying for tea/movie nights at yours? She can't get into any trouble there!
Do you know if she's having any therapy at all?

My best friend since childhood is in polite terms a wild card, I'm the absolute opposite, I understand these are different times but I would just quietly monitor the situation and leave things be for now, in my case we both compensated what the other lacked, we've been friends for nearly 40 years now.

That’s what I thought. When she’s listened to she is lonely and I encourage her to try and stick it out and not react (told her cos my dd will be sad if she moves schools)
she is rebelling a but against mum and I know from my dd that sometimes it takes someone who is not your mum to say things.
iv been honest with dd if she were to self harm. Take anything that could harm her then it would ruin her life and I’d have to get very strict
I do have everything round here but dd is starting to want to go there and I’m struggling with that because it’s not under my supervision