To still be affected after all this time?

[Helendee]

My first husband walked out on me and our four children (all under the age of ten) 27 years ago but in many ways it feels like yesterday still.
It was a total shock, I had gone on a day trip with my youngest’s playgroup and when we got home we found that he had packed all of his things and gone, no explanations, no warning.
He left for a younger colleague and somehow I dragged myself off the floor and managed to raise my lovely kids into the lovely people they are now, much credit due to my wonderful husband whom I met five years later, best step dad on the planet.
Im very happy and contented but every now and again the shock of what happened comes back.
Is that normal after all this time?

YANBU

Yes it's normal. What you went through - leaving aside the way he left, meant you had to recalibrate your entire life! You've moved on as you say you are content and have raised your kids well, but the trauma you experienced changes you in irreversible ways, you heal but the scar remains.

So long as you're not reliving the pain so frequently as to destabilise your present moment, then in many respects you've done amazingly well!

@DojaPhat

Thank you. That’s kind of you.

I don't think you are unreasonable. Feelings don't have an expiry date whereby you just wake up one day and forget about it. If course being left with 4 kids with no warning would affect you severely.

Yes, I would imagine that’s absolutely normal.

That is an incredible shock and thing to have to go through.

It sounds like you have done amazingly well, though.

Normal I would say, it’s like replaying the moment you find out a spouse has died - no one would think that was unusual.

I am glad you were able to make such a great life

Thank you everyone.

Life is like the windscreen of a car. There is a big expanse of glass so we can see what's in front of us. There is also a much smaller mirror so we can see what's behind us. It's important to know what is behind us, but also to keep it in proportion.

Yesterday l met a woman whose dh died suddenly of a heart attack 30 years ago with absolutely no warning. She talked about it as if it was more recent but only because the subject came up. I presume she leads a full life now but it still popped up and l saw nothing strange about that. It was a horrible shock and a terrible injustice for you and no wonder it still has impact. If you feel it's still too much maybe book some counselling for yourself where you can discuss all this in a safe place. I presume you still had to have contact with him due to the children so that will have kept it stirred up too. I am so glad you met your lovely second husband and hope you do lots to enjoy your nice life now.