To feel sad this impacted on me so much?

[Sad1001]

I am single.
No friends.
Very ugly.
I suspect I have Autism.
Just feel like a freak really but also, deeply lonely. I crave hugs and touch but haven't been hugged in years. Today, a colleague gently touched my arm as she asked me a question and it made me sad that I probably won't have that contact again from anyone else in forever. It's something that others would give no thought to or even notice. Aibu to feel so sad?

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

Do you have any family?
Do you enjoy any hobbies that can help you get out of the house and meet new people?

Not everyone you meet will become your friend, but it might help you with your loneliness and may lead to new friendships.

You know you can talk to us on here too

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. I’m not going to do the usual of trying to convince you that you aren’t all the awful things you’ve just described yourself as, I doubt that you are. But you have my sympathy and I hope that you can some day soon seek some help for your mental health to improve your life.🌺

So sorry you're feeling so lonely.
It will take a huge amount of effort and may take you way out of your comfort zone, but there are ways to make friends in life, regardless of age or looks (and I'm going to hazard guess you don't look half as bad as you think you do).

Firstly, I'd visit your GP and start the process of trying to get a diagnosis for your suspected autism.

I would also start thinking about all the things you would like to do in your spare time, new things you'd like to try and start researching these and what might be available in your local area.

I'm also a huge advocate for some kind of exercise or physical activity on a regular basis. Even if its wearing your headphones, listening to your favourite music, book, podcast and going for a walk. It's great for clearing your mind, thinking things through, your mental and emotional health - and physically too, of course.

Every week set yourself a task - maybe strike up a conversation with a work colleague, even if it's only about something you've watched on TV, smile at someone you walk past, talk about the weather with the person in the shop queue with you. These tiny changes may help build your self-confidence and each conversation may grow over time.

I hope things improve for you over time and you build some beautiful friendships which include lots of hugs, OP 🌷

Touch is a deep need for many of us, so yanbu. Would you consider booking some massages to give you some of that benefit? There's plenty of evidence that massage has real physiological benefits if you need to justify it to yourself. However, I wonder if you're giving up on yourself too easily? Individual therapy can include coaching to help you get along better with finding friends or a relationship if you want one. Looks are subjective ; you may think you're ugly, but it's likely that some people will have a different opinion. Would you consider working on the variables that you can change, eg grooming, fitness, style?
I'm wondering also if you might consider volunteering or working in a caring capacity, where your own touch could be greatly helping other people?
Thinking of you OP.

Have you thought about volunteering for something? Scouts is great, there’s a real camaraderie amongst the leaders and you form great friendships on camps. In my experience there’s always a good “spread” of people in scouts, from all walks of life, and all the ones I have met are very kind people.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Touch is so important.massage is a good idea.

Please try not to be so down on yourself. Tell us more about you.

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time. One thing I'm sure of is that you're not ugly!!! I'm another who agrees that booking a massage is a good idea. Also, I know this may not be your thing but if you're a cat lover how about volunteering at the Cats Protection (if there's one near you). I've done this and spending time cleaning out and then stroking and making a fuss of the cats really boosted my mood. Plus volunteering is a way to meet new people and you'd only need to commit to a morning a week (or less) if you work full time.

This post hit me hard. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way op.
have you looked into the app ‘meet-up’ they have tons of social gatherings, small and big. Full of people from all walks of life with all sorts of interests who would be more then welcome to meet you and build friendships.

some of them are just going for a walk with 2 or 3 others, it doesn’t have to be a big busy event requiring lots of social skills. And you can be your full self on there without any judgment.

Advice about getting out and meeting people to give yourself the chance to make friends has already been given, and is good. I want to add YANBU for feeling sad, nobody is unreasonable for any emotions they feel, just sometimes we can be unreasonable in how we react. Try and make your reaction to that feeling today a positive and proactive one if you can x

Sending a virtual hug
If you suspect you may be autistic you would be able explore a diagnosis if you feel that could help you? Might be s lengthy process atm though.

Maybe try to do at least one activity a day that you really enjoy? Surround yourself with pictures or photos of things that make you smile or feel more positive. You can buy photo pockets that hang on the back of a door.

Thank you for the responses.
I know I need to try and meet people more. It's just difficult when I feel so bad about myself and the shame just gets to me. People mentioning how quiet I am, how odd my voice is (Another reason why I suspect autism ) and the fact that I have very little in my life.
Everyday I wish I could be someone different. I intensely dislike myself and feel undeserving of love and care as am such a weird loser. Sorry to be blunt but it's true.

I am just going to accept you are a weird loser (not because it is true, but just because it is how you see yourself and there is little point arguing).

So what if you are a weird loser? Lots of people are weird losers and make friends with other weird losers. In fact, I am a weird loser! I am in my 30s and am absolutely obsessed with teddy bears, I take them out on nature walks and do stupid voices for them and take pictures. So..... I have connected with other weird losers. We are not undeserving of love and care just because we are quiet or unconventional.

You can be someone different if you want to, but I actually wonder if accepting your many quirks, voice and all is the way forward. If we move through life trying to hide our quirks, it makes it very hard for other people to get to know us and like ir dislike us. If we are loud and proud, some people will hate us and run, but we will be a shining beacon to others like us and we will be less lonely.