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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To see my uncle against my mums wishes

4 replies

Noseynell · 19/06/2023 21:34

My mother hasn't spoken to my uncle in a very long time. They dislike each other due to various things that transpired when my grandfather died. My mother many years ago told me I had to choose between her and my uncle (I was 18) and of course I chose my mum.
Now being a mother myself I feel that was a really unfair thing to do as my uncle has never done anything wrong to me, infact he was a wonderful uncle very caring and considorate, he had no kids of his own and treated me like a daughter.
Fast forward 6 months ago I seen him on Facebook and I decided to add him. I told my mum we were now Facebook friends and she didn't she didn't want to know anything about him.
We have very much rekindled our relationship. He has met my husband and my children, we speak a few times a week and we have visited a few times.I don't have a dad and I feel a comfort around him. He is a pleasure to be around.
My mum has since found out we have been speaking outside of Facebook she said I lied to her and various other torents of abuse. I said I had not because she specifically told me she didn't want to know anything.
She currently isn't speaking to me.
Am I in the wrong here? I have a feeling she will try and make me choose again

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 19/06/2023 21:37

YANBU. If she tries to engage you in conversation about it again or make you choose is just say that your relationship with him is totally separate to your relationship with her and that you aren’t discussing it any further. Just totally shut it down, and don’t mention him around her.

StripyMonk · 19/06/2023 21:39

Honestly, I’d ask her, as an adult, if there is anything she wants to tell you about him that she didn’t want to tell you as a child.

But you’re free to make your own decisions about your relationships. And she is free to decide whether she wants to continue a relationship with you. Just be warned there’s the possibility he’ll treat you as he did your mum/gran.

Noseynell · 19/06/2023 21:49

StripyMonk · 19/06/2023 21:39

Honestly, I’d ask her, as an adult, if there is anything she wants to tell you about him that she didn’t want to tell you as a child.

But you’re free to make your own decisions about your relationships. And she is free to decide whether she wants to continue a relationship with you. Just be warned there’s the possibility he’ll treat you as he did your mum/gran.

I did think of this and I have broached the subject and she said no nothing like that and seemed quite shocked at my suggestion so I think she is telling the truth there.

Thank you x

OP posts:
mayorofcasterbridge · 19/06/2023 22:00

Don't tell her anything. You have every right to decide for yourself as an adult who you want to see and who you don't. Get your uncle to block your mother on FB, and she won't then see any interactions.

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