Worried about trip away…

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My boyfriend has recently been scouted in his sport, and has been offered to go and play for a season overseas. I’m absolutely delighted for him and I encouraged him to take the opportunity. He asked me to come with him, as we can make the most of it and do travelling too, and I eagerly accepted.

But now it’s coming closer, I’m getting a bit worried - more about myself. He has told me that he will be expected to play every single game, coach when they need him to etc, and he will be really busy. He said we will have time for travelling and free time but it’ll be mainly him playing his sport.

I understand this completely and I know it’s why we’re going, but I almost don’t trust myself. I suffer with anxiety, I’ve been diagnosed with OCD and I’m hugely prone to overthinking. I worry that I’ll become upset when I’m there, because he won’t be spending all that time with me, which sounds so selfish. When in reality I can get a fun job, make so many friends through his sport and still see an amazing part of the world.
I’m awaiting therapy but I just really don’t want to ruin his once in a lifetime opportunity.

He says he really really wants me to come and that for him, he doesn’t want to do it without me.

Am I being stupid for having these doubts? It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity after all

He is going out there to work, and some socialisation might be expected.
Really, I’d let him go and plan to visit.

Realistically, you would be a trailing spouse. I really think your decision needs to be based on what country it is and what you are leaving behind. For example if you have a good job here and you would have to resign. And some countries are easier to settle in to.

What you mustn't do is go but be dependent on your boyfriend. You would have to be prepared to make your own life.

As a former trailing spouse with MH difficulties I have to say the expat life isn't for everyone. You have to have a rock solid relationship and we met so many people who arrived, lasted one to four weeks, then did a runner back to the UK with their families, mostly because the spouses couldn't cope with the situation. A lot of sleeping around went on as well.

What is there not to cope with? The boredom, lack of purpose, culture shock, and the fact that while your DH will get a ready-made life with housing, social life, job and fulfilment, you realistically only get the housing and maybe a bit of the social life if you're lucky. It's hard work keeping it together and your career back home will be on hold the entire time.

I met a lot of people who developed MH issues while they were away and (depending on the country) there isn't always the local infrastructure to get support/medication/therapy. Some countries ban some common MH medications outright (looking at the Middle East).

As a trailing spouse, it's also not straightforward to just get a job at the destination as you will need a work visa (and tax number) not a spouse visa, and some countries will put you in prison, fine you or deport you for working on a spouse visa.

It has times of being an amazing adventure and times of being absolutely shit and I recommend you learn everything you can about the destination before deciding to go.

Great post @PuffinsRocks . This is it exactly. One person is welcomed into a ready made life and the other has to build one.

Sorry, you sound quite naive. How are you necessarily going to get a 'fun job'? Will you have a work visa and relevant experience to get a job in that location, have you looked jobs there or spoken to recruitment agencies? I wouldn't personally do this unless married or very long term relationship.

You need to be realistic about it. He's there for work, he will be busy and have a lot going on.
If you are happy with that then you could move and experience a new place, but don't go and then get annoyed he can't take weekends off to go travelling or stay out late the night before a game.
He won't be on holiday.

Where is it? Europe/Middle East/USA? Will you actually be able to work legally?

If you can’t work, how will you support yourself?

Where do you live? Will you be giving up a lease?

Will your work give you a “career break?” I negotiated a two year break when I was a trailing spouse. Do you want to quit your job?

Depending on the answers to all the above, I would probably say go for it. Brilliant opportunity and only for what? 6-8 months? It will go really quickly.

He needs to pull himself together if he thinks he is only going to be able to do it if you go too. That's not really fair on you.

I don't know how long a season is but I think I'd go after a month, see what the set up is.