Photos of DC online

[Bluedab]

Ever since DC was born, DH and I have told family and friends we don't want photos of DC on SM. Family have all accepted this and never had any problems. Recently, I went on another website, not a SM site but still one where you have a profile and log in. I see that one of my parents has DC in their profile picture on their profile. AIBU to ask them to remove it or should I say nothing as it's no big deal and they are clearly just proud of DGC? I don't want to come across as overbearing but I am quite annoyed.

They can be proud of their GC without it being on social media or any type of online platform

Are they the type where something didn’t happen unless it was photographed and put online? Those types are tiresome

I would ask them to please take it down. Maybe explain why it’s important to you. If they don’t report the photo and see if you can have it taken down.

Why dont you your DC online?

dont also but Id be interested to know your thoughts behind it as I am in the minority.

Up to you really. You can ask, as you've done with FB, but I feel it's a bit ott.

@Womencanlift i had not thought they were that type but maybe im wrong. I was very surprised and taken aback when I saw the profile photo. Im not sure whether because we have always said no photos on SM that they think this is okay as its not SM. Maybe I should have been clearer and said anywhere online.

@snitzelvoncrumb@snitzelvoncrumb@snitzelvoncrumb@Thisismeyeah this is part of the reason for my thread. I feel stupid in a way making a fuss for the photo to be removed as there is not really a good reason that we don't post photos online. I had a bad experience on SM years ago and although i still have an account, i couldnt tell you the last time i posted on it. I dont feel comfortable having any personal information shared. The website my parent has the profile photo on is a site where you can buy things so its not like any information on my DC can be shared or there will be any engagement with the photo. I just worry that if I let this slide then maybe other photos will go up.

YANBU if it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it doesnt matter on this particular site but then if thats the case then why have it as a photo in the first place.

Does that include photos of your kids at a fete or street party for example, printed in a local paper, or if your kids won something at a sport event etc?

What is the website if not social media? And if it's just a profile picture does many people actually see it? I wouldn't be too concerned if not.

I would ask them to take it down and politely clarify that you meant anywhere online not just SM.

Better to have one rule than trying to decide between different websites etc.

There's lots of good reasons not to put children online before they are old enough to consent.

Thanks all. Spoken with DP and photo has been removed.

To answer the previous question about why we don't put photos of our children online, I have several reasons

1 Our children will have control over how their image is 'projected' to the world. The vast majority of us grew up not having our parents make this decision for us, I want my children to have the same power. What if they want privacy for some reason, or don't agree with how you've 'presented' them?

2 For their privacy/safety. People don't seem to realise how much information they put about themselves and their children online. It's so easy to work out schools, routines etc for anyone malicious.

3 I have a specific family member i am NC with, who is dangerous. Refer back to point 2. Even if there's no one in your life like that NOW anything previously posted is a mine of information

4 Once you've posted this stuff it's out there. It doesn't matter how well you've 'locked down' your privacy settings.

The arguments for posting are what, people I've not seen in 20 years get to see photos of my children? Anyone I have a relationship with/am in contact with gets updates on our lives and photos in a natural way and if they havent that's fine because we're obviously not close enough anymore they 'need' to know this stuff

The caveat to all of this is that I don't post myself, although I do 'lurk'. So all of this comes from a context of me not sharing the same aspects of my own life.

Gah, point one should be 'our children have NO control'

I agree with you as my mother in law same re facebook and has put wedding photos etc up and I think it's out of order.
I am a very private person but she's obsessed with Facebook and so is her other daughter in law who posts all about how great their life is, holidays etc etc despite not been very nice people in real life.

I am the same as op. I don’t want people looking at my children on SM. They’re on there- but you’ll never see their faces. Only the backs of them.
As a victim of SA I am ultra careful. I do not want anyone looking at my children, and sadly there are many weirdos out there in the world who get off on things like this.

Why put them on at all then? Surely just keep them off SM altogether?

For me yes. (It's clear I agree with the OP.)

Local papers now have an online presence - and in my case two of our local papers only have an online presence.

Unfortunately there is also someone dangerous to my DD and until my DD is of an age to take care of herself I cannot risk her photo being online.

Personally I don't mind printed materials as that won't be around very long and it won't be possible for a random person to find it in 20 years time.

You can't stop people taking photos in a public place and publishing them - e.g. a newspaper at a local fair - parents do not have the right to stop this. But these photos won't be directly linked to the child's name, school or family and they are much less easily searchable compared to a Facebook photo. Plus it's a one off and unlikely to be anything that invades privacy or is of interest to future employers or school bullies or unpleasant exes!

I would ask them to remove it. If you said, no photos on social media, then that means no photos on social media. I actually do post photos of my children (on my very private social media), but found that a family member was posting photos publicly with no privacy restrictions. I asked them to make their account private if they wanted to share photos of my dc.

Clearly your problem is that these grandparents don't respect you.

Or that they have a poor memory.

Probably the former. People can get very entitled about it. I had a row about agreeing to have a family photo at Christmas for family use and then being told afterwards against agreement that they would put it on Facebook and then accused of <what, I'm not sure> when I said I would be seriously unimpressed if they went against my wishes.

Same with our 4 nothing online we prefer it that way and our family knows. Once my brother a long time ago accidentally put a profile pic up with one of them in but more than happy to remove it when pointed out as he just didn't think

The back of a head is fine. I just don’t want their faces on line .

The photos which are posted online without any privacy controls are not just viewed by persons. With an example photo, you can search backwards (google image search) and the system will bring up any possible photos. If you click on them, you'll get to the original site, and thus people can be found (for example those children mentioned here which are protected for a reason).

Of course image searches on google are just the mainstream version. Advanced systems like used by police or other organizations are much better and I'm sure anyone who can afford it can also purchase better programs (including criminals).

One main aspect is: you don't know what is going to happen in the future: which things will be invented in the future and which technological possibilities will there be. I don't think people who built websites in 2001 for example would all have foreseen AI-generated videos and the extend of possible photo manipulation.
So in general is better to avoid any unnecessary publication of private photos.