To just be so fucking angry with my ex

[ithinkifeelaliveagain]

The longer we are separated the more I am infuriated by him, maybe this week I have pmt, but I actively wish him harm. Obviously would like him to survive the harm for the sake of the kids but if I could make a cartoon anvil fall out the sky and land on his annoying head resulting in a hilarious but painful cartoon bump I would 100% do it.

for context he just arrived back with the kids all happy because he had taken them away for the weekend, taken them to a super fun activity, fed them Macdonalds, bought them toys and generally made sure they have had the best fun of their lives. Despite the fact that he hasn’t paid maintenance for months because he ‘can’t afford it’.

I have to pay massive childcare bill this week and facing the fact that I probably can’t afford to take my kids anywhere over the holidays because I need to pay for school uniform for 3 kids and summer childcare and I can’t afford a holiday too

Now spent the evening listening to the kids talk about all the fun they had and telling me about the holiday dad is taking them on in July while forcing myself to to be appropriately enthusiastic but actually seething with rage inside. I need to learn to let the rage go because it’s destroying me but it’s just so hard (especially with pmt 😂)

I don't see any wrong in being honest and telling the kids you'd love to take them away but all your money goes into keeping them day to day and paying for uniforms as their dad doesn't contribute anything so that's why he can afford to take them on holidays. The 13 year old will definitely understand. If your ex says anything then tell him you assumed it wasn't a big secret as it's the truth and if he is so concerned about it then he should pay up. I get protecting your kids but as long as you aren't bad mouthing and just being factual then it's fine

I completely empathise with your frustration, but I also agree with this.

His lack of contribution for the basics is unforgivable, but at least the children are having a good time.

I have had to make my own peace with our similar situation. My dc's father can't keep up the pretence of giving a shit for longer than a week or two, he's shockingly passive and expects everyone to explain/arrange/help him to be a halfway decent parent. And he throws money at them to paper over the cracks.

So I smile and listen to their stories of good times and interesting experiences, and savour my downtime while they are at his, because I need to find the positives where I can.

How does this even help the OP? Is she meant to get a new partner and start a business with them or something??

If he won't contribute financially he needs to have them 50% of the time. That way you are only feeding one mouth every other week and he will feel some financial pressure of raising three children.

Huh cms are crap. My ex has the same full time job he had 13 years ago and how he dodged them. I was eventually offered 75p a week, I gave up fighting and ended up doing it all alone

Don't be an idiot. Go through CMS or stop moaning about it. While you're at it, don't let them go on holiday, and tell them he lied about it or something. Fight fire with fire

Honestly, after years on here, I feel getting involved with any self-employed man, or your DP setting up his own business, should come with an automatic "bear in mind he can use this to absolutely screw you on child maintenance" warning. Bastards.

I do sympathise!!

My ex took our DC on holiday last year with his new partner - absolutely not a problem with this and his new partner is lovely! But said to me he couldn’t afford to buy the kids holiday clothes so I stumped up the money for them all. Cost me a fortune and we weren’t going away last year so they are all barely worn really. Then I find out he had actually paid for both his new partner and her daughters share of the holiday…… she very much could have paid for herself as I know she has a very good job.

I get a very measly CSA amount as he is self employed and hides his money so me paying for everything is common.

Thinking about the school unform, i wonder if you could alongside being excited about the new term, ask her to write a shopping list of everything she needs that dad will buy her, new pencil case, cardigans, shoes, the whole shebang. Then she can decorate it if she likes. Then your daughter can hand it to her dad next time she sees him and he will either have to buy it for her, or explain to her that he isn't going to buy it 🤷‍♀️ I'm imagining he won't want to do that...

What you are going through sounds utterly infuriating, I sympathise hugely 😔