To be jealous of sister having another baby when I already have children myself

[LostOnesMarbles]

Daft isn't it. She's expecting her third. I already have three, youngest is 7 months old. I'm happy for her but feel sad, angry and jealous all at once. Obviously I haven't voiced that.

Think it must be because we have decided we are done and won't be having more. We are exhausted and the kids already run riot 😂 eldest is just 6. I don't want to be pregnant either, it absolutely sucks. But I do love squishy babies 🥰

But what the hell. Give me a head wobble please, it's been swirling around my head today and I absolutely know that needs to stop as my time is better spent elsewhere.

Haha this has made me laugh (in the nicest possible way!) because I would feel the same! Yes it is ridiculous - you are definitely being unreasonable and you know it - but it’s because of all the promised excitement and happiness (obviously looking at it with rose tinted glasses!) they are about to go through.

In many ways, it speaks volumes about how much you love having your family and the experience you have had bringing new babies into the world :)

i am sure the feelings will subside when the new baby is crying and their sleepless nights sound hideous!

Yes I think you are right. We see each other alot so I'm facing watching her grow, baby kick erx. Maybe I should mentally focus on the swollen ankles, waddling hips and that will calm me 😬

I feel like a cow. But it's really made me feel sad and annoyed. Baby will likely be my parents last grandchild too. I don't know why that bothers me.

You've GOT a squishy baby 7 months is hardly ancient 😂
Maybe it's because I had a horrific pregnancy but I still never envy someone who is pregnant! If I could have outsourced that bit to DH I would've.
How many DC do you have?
Think of all the downsides of having more, the cost, exhaustion, nerving a bigger car/house etc as they grow. A couple of my friends are pregnant/have new babies at the moment. It's lovely to have a cuddle, be helpful, give them half an hour to shower in a relaxed way etc, without the pacing at 3am , the bleeding nipples, feeling utterly touched out , having no time alone with DH etc.
DS is 4 we have great fun, lovely days out and holidays, funny conversations, he goes to bed at seven, so I have my evenings, no more nappies, we were at a wedding yesterday and he just played with other children, was spoilt rotten by the newlyweds and other young couples subconsciously having a little test run, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Yes I know, you are right. I adore my kids I really do. I have three beautiful kids. I guess as my mat leave is ending and hers is on the horizon. I have loved spending time with my kids and feel I now have 30 years of work and just living for the weekend😬

I hear you! I’m two weeks back at work after 12 glorious months of Mat leave with DC2… definitely focus on the disappearing ankles 🤣🫢❤️

Haha I have no choice really as dh has made it abundantly clear there will be no more. He's gone from brown to grey in 5 years 😂 I'm content with life but my god it's took me by suprise today. Off for a cuddle for my old baby 😅

Not unreasonable at all, although I would feel that as I felt exactly the same! It does eventually pass but you're not a horrible person, it's bound to bring up feelings when the baby stage is such a whirlwind and it's impossible to fully savour it even when you know it's your last.

I found it helped to focus on the bad bits, eg there's only so many more times I have to clean huge smears of food, change a nappy explosion etc.

I think it’s probably an evolutionary trick to try and make you keep having babies. I definitely had twinges every time a friend said they were pregnant (even when I had three and definitely didn’t want any more) for about seven years after the birth of my youngest. Really doesn’t make you a cow and it will pass.

7 years. Bloody hell. I'm 37 so I'm hoping I will feel less inclined at 40 maybe although hormones are brutal things

Bumping as I'm definitely having Monday blues

I’ve been on the other side of this… and I definitely felt the anger / annoyance / jealousy from my sister throughout my pregnancy, though it was unspoken I’m not stupid and it was obvious. It really put a dampener on my last pregnancy to be honest and it hurt a lot to feel that someone who’s supposed to love me was annoyed / sad that I was having a baby. Things are better now but the relationship doesn’t feel the same. Just a word of warning to try get these feelings under control or at least make a huge effort not to show them to your sister.

It’s natural to feel a pang of jealousy as you know you won’t go through it all again, but it’s not reasonable to feel so strongly about it. Why would you be sad that you have a new family member on the way? And what does it matter that it’ll be your parents last grandchild? That doesn’t make them more special than the others. It sounds really petty. Do you feel like you are more important than your sister and should be the one to provide the golden final grandchild 🤔

im not trying to be harsh but don’t damage your relationship with your sister over this. Talk it through with a trusted friend and let the feelings go.

Why on earth would you be jealous that she’s about to have her insides squashed, Genitals mutilated, sleepless nights, screaming baby, endless worry, expensive stressful teenager.
and that’s IF everything goes smoothly and normally.
I honestly don’t see the appeal of bringing a child into this current world as it is anyway.
the only way I’d ever have another is if I won the euro millions and bought an island and could live self sufficiently but no way on earth id bring anymore into this horrendous situation.

Maybe when she had two children she was jealous of your third pregnancy, also felt sad and angry, so she evened it up, and if you carry on like this you'll both end up with a dozen each!

I'd maybe address the feeling that you're living for the weekend for the next thirty years, repeatedly getting pregnant is a fairly extreme way of remedying that situation.

Focus on the bit where you're so pregnant you're up every hour in the night for a pee but nothing comes out when you've swayed from bed to bathroom, and you've got to lumber back to bed, but you can only lie on your side and swapping sides is like rolling a barrel full of tar, and you just get comfy and drop off again, and then... you need to pee.

No, I just know she will feel SHE has the special final grandchild and go on and on and on...

Absolutely stupid feelings I know, but that's baby hormones I guess!

FWIW I felt off this morning (not pregnant!) And absolutely reminded myself how unbelievably crap I felt with my third 🤢 I'm keeping that in my mind. I think I spent the first 14 weeks on the sofa. Funny how, as someone said, we are biologically programmed at times to want more!

was it a shock that she’s having a third? I think the feelings will pass. Do you generally have a competitive relationship with her? It just sounds like it with the concern over who has the final grandchild, it’s a strange thing to be bothered about imo.

I think I will always be a bit sad to know I’m not having any more babies but I also felt horrific in all my pregnancies so I remind myself of that when I feel sad about it!

YABU, you’ve got a lovely squishy baby of your own! Go and give them a cuddle right now! Haha. You’ll also have a lovely new niece or nephew soon who will be lucky to have an auntie that loves them so much.

I'm not aware of any special elevated status for bearing The Final Grandchild, it sounds like a fairly competitive set up you've got going there!