To be annoyed at the difference in standards.

[Peonyblushing]

I have 2 children 11&7 and my 7 year old is yet to ever have a sleepover at grandparents due to being too young (their words) my 11 year old has had sleepovers 4 times in her life, one of which was when I gave birth to 7 year old.

My sister recently had a baby and they’re having the baby for 5 days whilst they go abroad, to the point of my parents taking annual leave to cover this. Baby is 4 months old.

Even when I’ve been post-surgery, they’ve never been able to help with 1 school run or anything. Sometimes if we’re there my parents will offer to watch the children whilst we go to b&q or Aldi.

I am just feeling a bit meh about it all. Same parents, not half siblings or anything like that. Just completely different experience.

Is your sister going away for work?

No, my sister doesn’t work. They’re going with friends to a city trip.

Yanbu Op. Have you actually asked? You could just say 'now that you've relaxed your age restrictions for sleepovers when will i drop off DD?' Maybe your sister just asked/begged/expected? Obviously a new baby gets a different type of attention form a 12 and 7 yo. Are they good with them when they are with them?

I wondered this as well.

And you mother had the brass neck to ask you for help in looking after the 4 month old? That's jaw-dropping. It must have taken you by surprise, I'm so glad you were able to think quickly enough to decline there & then, rather than be shocked into agreeing!

If she asks again (which she might try), would it be worth asking why she's offered when she clearly isn't confident to look after the infant, and by the way has never offered any such help to you?

I would say next time your dd asks for sleepover and they fob her off- that's not very fair as you had dn, it looks like you are playing favourites

Is your sister's baby a different sex to your two?

Are both your children girls, and your sister’s baby is a boy?

Is your sister the ‘baby’, as in younger than you?

Sounds like your mother caters to your younger sister because she’s the ‘baby’, therefore her baby is also automatically being catered to by default.

From the fact you describe your sister as very independent and that she is happy to leave her baby to go on a fun trip abroad, I suspect she makes it easier for her parents to look after the baby than you do OP.

I have seen this dynamic again and again. The adult child who leaves their kids with their grandparents with no demands about how they are cared for, tends to get more babysitting than the adult child who leaves a list of rules about how exactly their child should be looked after.

I’m sorry but you couldn’t be more wrong @alloutofluck.

Just because my sister is independent does not mean the rules around baby are non-existent. No family got to meet baby until 3 weeks old due to risk of us contaminating (we were not sick) and were not allowed any face photos until we’d met baby.

Apologies

Have you said… oh, 4 months isn’t too young now? Great, 7 and 11 are looking forward to their week with grandparents

I noticed you said your Dsis didn't bother with your parents much before now. We have a golden relative who steps away for ages, then when they come back to joining in everyone makes a big fuss of them. Is that what's happening here, and they're going overboard now she's interested in them? This kind of thing really annoys me tbh!

Sounds like your parents know you and yor kids are around and accessible of they fancy it, but are worried your sister will just not bother letting them she baby is she feels like it. So they're throwing themselves in her to get access and make themselves useful.

I'd deal with it with gently.

Oh Mom now you've had baby Amy for a week, I guess Jess isn't too young any more. Can she come for a sleepover on X /could you have the kids overnight on X so we can do Y.

Hi Mom, oh I'll have baby Amy off you so you can give Jess and Jack a proper hello / goodbye.

Etc.

MIL can be a bit like this with her sons. Cancels on us if the other son is available. Annoying but it isn't a lack of love, it's a lack of security.

@ChocolateCroissantCafe that sounds exactly like what is happening here. I wonder if me and my DC disappear for a bit if we will suddenly be wanted…

It's her Sister, so yes, female.

@Peonyblushing I’ve never had any help whatsoever with my 3 dcs ever , my parents are too old and frail and not able for them and even in their mid 60’s when i had small dcs wouldn’t have helped , I’ve also got loads of other family and they never, ever offer and any attempt of asking for help when I was alone or sick with 3 under 6 no one ever offered. I would never really ask anyway except when desperate and it’s clear they never wanted to help .I’ve a brother who now has a 1 year old and the family all rally around to help , he’s had more help in the 1 year than I’ve had in 12 years of being a parent …..
Honestly i believe it’s because I’ve 3 boys and they are energetic and busy , they weren’t good sleepers . They were all climbers and movers so “difficult “ as thru wouldn’t sit still . Even now they are older they are never asked to stay or invited to do anything whereas my neice is absolutely dotted on but then she’s an “easy” child. It’s really really shite but what can ya do 🤷🏻‍♀️

Step back and if they ask your DH for help put them off for a few weeks.
Bet they will come running.