Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Helping out Parents in debt

34 replies

Witchinawell · 18/06/2023 12:13

I am hoping for some advice on how I can help my Mum. My Mum had just paid off her home a few years ago and was looking forward to a comfortable retirement. Sadly, a sibling of mine who has since passed had a major accident whilst uninsured abroad and Mum had to remortgage her home to get them the intensive medical care they needed. We (the other siblings) also helped out financially to get them home but Mum took the brunt of the costs with the remortgage. The costs of paying back the mortgage as well as debts she has accrued from overspending since my sibling passed are crippling her financially. If she did not have these payments each month, she would be able to live a comfortable life. In order to wipe her debts, I am considering moving in with my partner, paying him a rent, then selling my home (which I own outright) and purchasing her home from her at market value so that she can pay off her mortgage and debts. She would then pay me a small monthly rent. Another option would be her selling her home and moving into my home and paying me a rent, however my property is much bigger and I know she would prefer to stay in her own home. Has anyone done anything similar with their parents and can advise if this is a good idea or not ?

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 18/06/2023 12:55

You sound like a kind thoughtful Daughter but I'd ask your DM first, she may not be happy to let you do this

RandomMess · 18/06/2023 13:05

Speak to your DM and siblings first. Talk through all options etc.

Original poster
Witchinawell · 18/06/2023 13:26

Sorry should have mentioned, mum is very much behind idea. My sister too.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 18/06/2023 13:30

Solicitor next to talk through the legal pitfalls.

What happens if you split up and need to move it, happy to live with your Mum or rent elsewhere?

RandomMess · 18/06/2023 13:31

Your Mum won't be able to claim the housing element of any state benefits as she is renting from a close family member.

Keeva2017 · 18/06/2023 13:33

Nothing to add other than I think you are a great daughter and sister.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 18/06/2023 13:34

as well as debts she has accrued from overspending since

Has she properly stopped the overspending?

Otherwise you’ll end up getting no rent despite selling your home.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 18/06/2023 13:46

I'd see a solicitor, I'd want to check first if there are any legal issues, like if you buy her place, could this be seen as deprivation of assets if she ends up in a care home soon. I know you said at market price, I'd think you'd be ok, but that could be a bit of a grey area and I'd really want to check first so this can't come back to bite you or her further down the track. Also if inheritance tax could come into play somehow.

It would be simpler and save stamp duty if she moved into your place. Something to consider too is what would happen if you and DP break up? Would you move in with her or private rent in which case is that affordable? This is a big financial decision and you need to think it through thoroughly. I can see why you want to and as a daughter I would want to do this if I could afford, but as a mum I would absolutely would not want my child to do this.

user1469908585 · 18/06/2023 13:47

You sound lovely OP.

But…think about what happens if you and partner separate. What if your mum marries again. Make a list of all the “what ifs” you can think of and get advice from a solicitor. It’s a big deal sacrificing your own security.
Also, don’t assume as you’re renting to family that you can ignore all the landlord obligations.

BHRK · 18/06/2023 13:49

Solicitors can deal with the what ifs, they can help you ringfence money and property in a way that accounts for remarriages. I would not sell
your own home. Your mum moving into yours seems like a more sound idea

nutbrownhare15 · 18/06/2023 13:56

Bearing in mind the risks and inconvenience to you, you could also consider equity release and/or some kind of debt/insolvency service. Fully explore all the options.

RandomMess · 18/06/2023 13:56

The costs involved in buying hers and selling hers seem rather unnecessary. Bigger place means you can move back in if need be.

Can she look at selling and going into Housing Association? Will she have any capital left to buy a small share and rent the rest?

Happydays321 · 18/06/2023 14:37

What a lovely daughter you are.
Is there enough equity in her property to do equity release?
Has she seen a debt counsellor to see if she can do a payment plan and possible remortgage to pay off her debts.
As a mum if want you to keep your house if you can.

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 18/06/2023 14:40

Witchinawell · 18/06/2023 13:26

Sorry should have mentioned, mum is very much behind idea. My sister too.

I imagine they are. It will solve their problems and leave them with no worries and their current homes. You are the only one who would lose their home.

It isn't feasible for you. You have got to step back and work out a different arrangement. Maybe a joint loan that all 3 of you pay for. Get legal advice and do NOT sell your home without at the very least becoming the legal owner of your mum's house.

notherNCuser · 18/06/2023 14:40

This is really kind of you, bless you, but definitely do talk through all options x

Furrydogmum · 18/06/2023 14:48

To me of the options you mention, her selling her house, clearing her debt and living in your already paid off home makes the best sense. You stand to lose out for various reasons if anything goes wrong..

LegendsBeyond · 18/06/2023 14:53

Don’t risk your own financial security for this. Speak to a solicitor.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 18/06/2023 15:31

I think it's hugely decent of you & you all sound like a remarkably strong & thoughtful family.

You need legal and tax advise before you do anything.

You need to get assurance around all of the following for both you and her:

Entitlements
Tax implications
Death/Illness/Marraige
A power of attorney in event of dementia/health deterioration etc
Is a right to live on the property a better option/will the mortgage holder agree to same
The rate implications of borrowing as a home house verses investment property
What happens if you/partner split
Your future mortgage rights etc
Disputes between you

While most of the above may never happen, you need to ensure you are fully protected, otherwise your good deed may cause you financial difficulties in the future.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 18/06/2023 15:59

Can your Mum not sell and buy something she can afford?

Weefreetiffany · 18/06/2023 16:31

I would never let my child risk their financial security of a home, especially as we are entering an economic downturn with rocketing interest rates, in this way. Your mum needs debt management advice. You have all suffered a serious episode of grief, don’t make any financial moves until you’ve all recovered. That could take years. In the mean time your mum needs the debt to be manageable so you don’t feel the need to save her with a grand gesture!

Sundaefraise · 18/06/2023 16:38

I'm so sorry, what a terrible time you have been through.
But...for the love of god, don't throw away your financial security to live with a partner and have no assets. Your mum moving in with you is a better long term possibility. If you pay off her mortgage and she needs care, that could be everything gone, if your relationship with your partner breaks down it leaves you no-where to go and in a precarious financial situation.
Does your mum have any equity left or is it all gone? Is there a third option where you and your mum buy something more suitable between you, possibly with your other sibling (who seems to be sacrificing nothing - no wonder they like the plan) helping your mum with a portion of the payments?

youhavenoidea123 · 18/06/2023 18:46

My DP did similar (before we met). My advice would be not to do it.

My DP owns a house (no mortgage) but cannot sell it due to the commitment he made to his mum. He would return and live with his mum if we split (he is comfortable financially but does not have the means to buy another property outright).

The issues are maintaining the property, while not really getting any rent. As others have said she cannot claim housing benefits and to be honest does not financially cover the monthly costs of the house and is subsidised by my DP.

youhavenoidea123 · 18/06/2023 18:49

I will also add I would never put my children in the situation your mum could put you in. However, my DP's mum was in a similar situation to your mum and I think when they are desperate you would accept any escape route you can. I don't think this makes them a bad person, just desperate and needing help.

JeandeServiette · 18/06/2023 18:51

What happens if you split from your DP?

Candleabra · 18/06/2023 18:58

You are very kind. But make sure you go into this with your eyes open. Even kind intentions can end up causing huge rifts. Your mother may resent you for her having to compromise her comfortable retirement (not your fault obviously, but you’ll be the one who is there to complain to).
The least worst option is your mother selling her home and coming to live with you.
Do not risk your own financial security.
Also seek legal advice to make sure your mother doesn’t become ineligible for help if she is living with you. How old is she? Have you thought through the caring implications if/when she requires more support (other than financial?)
What is your sister bringing to the deal? (Nothing?)