To think gentle parenting is misunderstood, and be quite tough?

[pjani]

I don’t count myself as a gentle person, I shoot for ‘authoritative’ (with the alternatives being authoritarian, permissive and t

Oh damn lost my thread. Continued… going from the Janet Lansbury podcast Unruffled (she doesn’t identify as ‘gentle’ but is associated with it).

It means setting your boundary and being consistent even with all the crying and wailing.

Acknowledging the feelings but holding the line.

So basically gentle parenting = being fine with loads of crying and screaming. Not what it sounds like, right?

I think it’s pretty effective as being consistent means they learn crying won’t change anything. And acknowledging feelings (genuinely, not through gritted teeth) means forming a strong bond and they child feeling understood.

AIBU that ‘gentle’ parenting is actually quite tough, means accepting lots of crying, and also misunderstood?

I don’t think gentle parenting is what you’ve described at all

Gentle parenting means whatever you want it to mean, it's not a term with one clear definition.

Sometimes it means what you think. Sometimes it means a child never hears 'no'. And a hundred other things inbetween.

My understanding of gentle parenting is not too far away from yours. Certainly setting firm boundaries, no smacking or shouting by parents, no shaming for their emotions, no bribes, no threats. It’s a lot about how when your child’s behaviour makes you angry you need to try to regulate your own emotions, and setting them good examples for how to learn to regulate theirs. I try to roughly follow that (I’m more authoritative about behaviours like hitting and kicking) but I’m only very early in parenting so will need to see how it goes. I’m sure I’ll shout at some point, I am a million miles from a perfect parent if such a thing exists!

I think gentle parenting is a complete fad.

The name itself just makes it all sound a bit wet.

I would say my parenting aligns mostly with gentle parenting. But isn’t crying just part of childhood? Does it not happen if you have an authoritative parent? Are authoritative parents not consistent?

I think the classifications are not always separate and neat but I’m off too google authoritative parenting.

Having done a quick 5 min google I don’t think gentle parent and authoritative parenting are mutually exclusive, to me they sound the same.

I agree there are a lot of overlaps between gentle and authoritative parenting. The issue with gentle parenting is when people see that as not having boundaries, never saying no, never letting the child be unhappy or experience difficult situations. That is actually permissive parenting (and ime doesn’t lead to happy children long term). True gentle parenting absolutely holds firm boundaries, but does so in a way which is about working with your child not forcing compliance.

But isn’t crying just part of childhood?

Maybe... but maybe not?

I mean, my child is only 18 months, so I've got a LONG way to go - but he's never been much of a crier. He probably cries once a week. I still think he's having a childhood. He can still make it clear if he's unhappy. He's not much of a tantrummer either; but he'll arch his back or say no if he doesn't want something...

So how does gentke parenting differ from regular parenting then, OP?

*gentle

'Gentle Parenting' is a term made up by someone to suit their own ideas. We all have our own idea of boundaries and apply them to our own children/grandchildren in our own way.
I think it's all bullshit by that's just me. Just look after your children and don't give it a name

I guess people just like 'identifying' as something, even when it's a so-called parenting style.

My kids were little before "gentle parenting" was a buzzword, but I don't think that authoritative parenting means lots of crying and screaming, necessarily. It can also mean setting up situations to avoid upset by preparing them for change, or turning something potentially upsetting into a fun adventure, or removing them from a situation before they get overwhelmed/do the thing they shouldn't, or anticipating their needs before they get cranky, or swallowing your pride and admitting you made a mistake, or saving their pride by giving them an out before they corner themselves into a position they feel they can't back down from. And when none of that is enough, THEN helping your kid to deal with their emotions in the way that suits their own individual nature.

I agree with everyone who says there are problems defining gentle parenting.

Thats why I prefer the categories authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and uninvolved as those are the ones that have been used a lot in research (and provide a good evidence base for aiming for the authoritative style).

And I wish those were the categories used in MN discussions about parenting rather than long threads about poorly-defined ‘gentle parenting’.

But I also thought it was interesting as Janet Lansbury is often identified as being part of the gentle parenting trend (though as I said she doesn’t self identify this way) but I actually find her content around babies too hardcore for my delicate flower self.

Helped by the fact I only had 2 babies, I would twist myself into a pretzel because I couldn’t bear them crying. She’s much for taking a coffee break, having a decent shower etc, and let the baby share its feelings. So gentle parenting (by that loose definition) was too mean for me!

I think gentle parenting is misunderstood; people think it means children getting away with everything and no boundaries. The actual definition and advice around it isn’t too far from what a lot of people do naturally.