MIL giving new dress to DD on special occasion

[sunnywindo]

MIL is a bit possessive with what my children wear.

She gets them lots of stuff and then takes pictures of it and will continuously ask if they've worn XYZ outfit.

I always put them in the clothes. Sometimes she doesn't see them in the clothes, so she assumes I'm spiteful and don't put them in the clothes on purpose. When she gives them clothes, it's like an entire clothes haul. Basically an entire wardrobe that will last until they grow out of it. This is why I don't always take a pic of stuff. My mum also gives the kids loads of clothes.

I also buy clothes. This is just to explain that I don't always know who gave them what and I just get them to wear stuff whenever is suitable. Yes I've actually posted about this before.

Anyway recently we had a special event and I had chosen ( together with DD ) a dress she would wear. As soon as we got to the event at MIL house, MIL and SIL pull out a brand new dress for DD and ask if she wants to wear this for the event. I didn't say anything but was quietly annoyed. DD ended up wearing the new shiny dress later that day, which was ok. But I still found it a bit frustrating.

Too touchy on my part ? I think if she wasn't so possessive with clothing she buys for them, it would be fine. She also will keep going on and on about the fact that she got clothes for them when they're in those clothes. ' oh look, grandma got you that jumper. ' not once, but a million times, to anyone who'll be there.

She'll also go on about stuff her kids have bought for my kids. Oh uncle Steve got you those shoes didn't he. He's got such great taste! She also tries to control when and how the items are worn. Auntie Cheryl got some cool shoes for my youngest ( that he grew out of ). I liked them so much that I bought the same shoes a couple of sizes up. When I was at MIL, she told me he shouldn't wear those shoes in the garden as he will mess them up. She demanded I take them off. She also demanded I take them off when I put them on him to take him out to softplay. Too much !?!?

God, just ignore her! Your kids will soon decide what they want to wear and, unless it's unsuitable for the weather, let them crack on and tell grandma that they chose what to wear. She sounds really tiresome.

It would drive me absolutely bonkers but I'd be grateful I could save on their clothes and spend it on me instead.

How controlling. I would like this either OP.

Just stop pandering to her. We have a MIL like this and really life is 1000 times easier if you just push back and stop going along with the batshittery. When she buys us stuff 80% of it goes straight to charity or friends because she buys such a deluge of unwanted fast fashion tat that the kids don't even like. If she asks us where it is we just tell her straight that we didn't need it so we passed it on.

Yes it’s way too much. She is treating your children like dolls.

Did your DD want to take off the dress she had chosen for the party? Or was she pressured into changing.

Id start pushing back on this and allowing the children to choose. Stand up for them if MIl pressurises too.

Urgh annoying. I'm always grateful for clothes given to my children but trying to control what they wear and when is too annoying. I would just have said no to the dress for the occasion. If they want input into what she wears for a specific occasion it should be discussed in advance, not their decision to make her change at the venue - that's mad! Just say no to her.

You need to have a word with both sets of parents saying quite clearly that your DD is not a doll to play dress up with.

If they want to get her something that might be at least of some use to her, tell them to use whatever money they would spend on clothes but to buy Premium Bonds for your daughter with that money instead. They won't lose their value and your daughter might end up winning some money on them!

Much better for the environment all around.

Stop ignoring it.

"Why are you being so weird about clothes". "Oh god, will you shut up about Dds clothes"
"Your obsession with Dds clothes is starting to worry me."

When people are being dicks, call them out on it. Alone, in front of other people, let it be known that you think her behaviour is strange and annoying.

She's only getting away with it because you let her.

Totally annoying. You can see that is a way of exerting control? Your choices aren't good enough- she's the provider.

It's not a great message for your daughter as well- she isn't a doll to a paraded about.

You both need to decide how to deal with this and stick to it. Either totally refuse any new clothes, tell her to calm down or suck it up. I know this isn't the 1st time you have posted, so you know you are going to decide what you want to do.

As an aside, my MIL bought my youngest a flouncy dress and she flat refused to wear it. No amount of nagging from Nanny would persuade her until I got fed up and told her to take the dress and give it to someone else and stop pestering my daughter. She's never bought her a dress since which is good as my DD would rather chew her leg off than wear a dress!

As others have said, OP, it's an opportunity for you to spend more money on yourself. I do agree, she's a pain, but let her crack on. I speak as one who only ever received home-knitted garments from my grandmother. I clearly remember one christmas morning unwrapping her present to me, to discover a bottle green, itchy, matted home-knitted knitted jumper. What a gift for a 10 year old! 😂She was lovely in other ways, to be fair.

And yes, some home knitted garments are lovely and show care etc...

Why is it OK for your mum to buy loads of clothes but not MIL? What is difference about them?

I’d hate this - so materialistic. Sounds like she’s buying excessively. Kids don’t need much and can all be 2nd hand

Why are you buying your DD clothes if you know your MIL and DM are also buying for her ... ? Just save your money.

About time to start putting her in dungarees OP? That should shut down the conversation pretty quickly.

I guess it depends on your financial situation - as others have said, I would probably think, that's such a saving for me in terms of not having to buy the clothes (especially if your mom helps out too....) that I would suck up the repeated comments about them, even tho it does sound rather annoying!

My mom buys a lot of my dd's clothes, certainly when she needs anything major like a new coat, new rucksack etc. I am incredibly grateful for her generosity - I can only really afford second hand clothes myself, which is fine most of the time, but sometimes dd needs something quicker than I can source it in a charity shop ....

If you are well off and can easily afford new clothes for your daughter, I guess it's not such a help. Still probably not worth falling out over tho. How old is your daughter? Soon enough she'll be choosing what to wear herself anyway, so your MIL won't really be able to judge you about it .....

If your children are happy to wear them, let them carry on buying clothes for them! Save the money for other important things down the line, like helping them with university expenses, driving lessons, etc What on earth are you complaining about?! Let the grandmas buy the clothes if that's what they want to do!

It sounds OTT and a bit weird to me.

I think the main thing is to keep on checking with the children as they develop more autonomy over what they wear. You may be able to tolerate the control for the sake of politeness but there comes a point where your children may need some help in pushing back against being dressed up like dolls.

My daughter now feels a bit icky at how my mum used to choose what she'd wear when she stayed over, and put ribbons in her hair. Some children will start to feel uncomfortable with this a long time before they voice it.

Sounds weird and really old fashioned. It sounds like everyone thinks your daughter is a little dolly. How old is your daughter? What does she think about it? What does your partner say?